4 Days Sober...so far
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 7
4 Days Sober...so far
Hi everyone...just want to share. Long story short, I am 29 and an alcoholic. My mom passed when I was 16 and my dad when I was 25. Only child, with no family on the west coast where I live. Even for my own wedding no one in my small side of family showed up. This is what really triggered my alcoholism I think to realize how alone I really am without my parents.
At 16 I had horrible anxiety, was actually hospitalized for it. Finally started to cope....then my dad passes away and my anxiety was back and horrible. Only think to calm it was being in a constant alcohol state, as least as much as I could as I had to hold a job. Husband used to drink too, but after his 2nd DUI he quit cold turkey and has been 100% sober for almost 3 years. You would think this would inspire me but I keep drinking. Many of fights over why I need to drink...I hide alcohol around the house and would drink secretly. I can drink up to a bottle and over half of red wine...8-9 beers...or half a bottle of hard liquor a night.
Well its time to stop. We have been trying to have a baby for 2 years although I have pcos so it will be difficult (cysts on ovaries). I know i need to stop drinking too, but not being able to get pregnant when everyone else is makes me more depressed and drink more. My friend says alcohol has nothing to do with your fertility but I just don't know if shes saying that just so she wont lose a drinking buddy or what.
Well I guess that wasn't really short lol but at least for me that's the short version. Well I decided I am tired of going to work with a headache, hungover, driving with the AC on trying to chug water while in traffic in hopes to feel better (yeah right). Not being able to focus at work, trying to hide in the stairwell to close my eyes for a few minutes. Taking Ativan to get through the day while having panic attacks constantly leaving my desk. I am for days sober and I feel great at work I cant believe it! Focused, not tired, not sick. Night and day!
I feel like I can totally not drink Monday - Friday but here is the problem. The weekends. Knowing I don't have to work and can sleep in and do whatever...I really don't know if I have the willpower. Especially with my 'drinking' buddy we always split a bottle on the weekends and then some. Even if we dont hang out, I like to drink alone and probably will drink even more. Not sure if you guys have any suggestions or what had helped you.
Anyways....thanks for reading
At 16 I had horrible anxiety, was actually hospitalized for it. Finally started to cope....then my dad passes away and my anxiety was back and horrible. Only think to calm it was being in a constant alcohol state, as least as much as I could as I had to hold a job. Husband used to drink too, but after his 2nd DUI he quit cold turkey and has been 100% sober for almost 3 years. You would think this would inspire me but I keep drinking. Many of fights over why I need to drink...I hide alcohol around the house and would drink secretly. I can drink up to a bottle and over half of red wine...8-9 beers...or half a bottle of hard liquor a night.
Well its time to stop. We have been trying to have a baby for 2 years although I have pcos so it will be difficult (cysts on ovaries). I know i need to stop drinking too, but not being able to get pregnant when everyone else is makes me more depressed and drink more. My friend says alcohol has nothing to do with your fertility but I just don't know if shes saying that just so she wont lose a drinking buddy or what.
Well I guess that wasn't really short lol but at least for me that's the short version. Well I decided I am tired of going to work with a headache, hungover, driving with the AC on trying to chug water while in traffic in hopes to feel better (yeah right). Not being able to focus at work, trying to hide in the stairwell to close my eyes for a few minutes. Taking Ativan to get through the day while having panic attacks constantly leaving my desk. I am for days sober and I feel great at work I cant believe it! Focused, not tired, not sick. Night and day!
I feel like I can totally not drink Monday - Friday but here is the problem. The weekends. Knowing I don't have to work and can sleep in and do whatever...I really don't know if I have the willpower. Especially with my 'drinking' buddy we always split a bottle on the weekends and then some. Even if we dont hang out, I like to drink alone and probably will drink even more. Not sure if you guys have any suggestions or what had helped you.
Anyways....thanks for reading
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Hi MissD23. Welcome! First, YAY for you for 4 days! That is AWESOME! So glad you are feeling better at work. Keep on hanging out here. There is a TON of support and wisdom in these threads.
Make a plan for this weekend so you aren't in a position to drink. Plan a hike with your husband, find an AA meeting and GO!!!, go to church, and check in here anytime you need support.
You can do this. You've already done it for 4 days and can already tell how much better you are doing. Just imagine how amazing you will feel when you've made it through the weekend sober, too. Keep your eyes on the prize.
Make a plan for this weekend so you aren't in a position to drink. Plan a hike with your husband, find an AA meeting and GO!!!, go to church, and check in here anytime you need support.
You can do this. You've already done it for 4 days and can already tell how much better you are doing. Just imagine how amazing you will feel when you've made it through the weekend sober, too. Keep your eyes on the prize.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you are here!! As a newcomer myself I found the support incredible and instantaneous. Sounds like your mate could be a strong supporter!!
One thing I read in your post - "I really don't know if I have the willpower"
I think if you took a survey here to say yea if people quit on willpower alone you'd her crickets chirping!
Willpower for me was tried many, many times along with antibuse - no lasting sobriety. Finally had to ASK for help - which was very, very difficult for me.
Now approaching two months and the feeling daily is indescribable in this brief amount of time.
You are off to a great start - Congrat's!!!! Think perhaps of some additional support if possible along with SR.
One thing I read in your post - "I really don't know if I have the willpower"
I think if you took a survey here to say yea if people quit on willpower alone you'd her crickets chirping!
Willpower for me was tried many, many times along with antibuse - no lasting sobriety. Finally had to ASK for help - which was very, very difficult for me.
Now approaching two months and the feeling daily is indescribable in this brief amount of time.
You are off to a great start - Congrat's!!!! Think perhaps of some additional support if possible along with SR.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 182
Congrats on Day 4. I'm a newcomer myself and am on Day 5 now. You'll get some great support on here. Try and break your weekend routine by planning other things. That's what I had to do yesterday, I distracted myself so much with other things I didn't have time to think about drink. Today is going to be hard, but I'm going to keep myself distracted. Plus I have too many people to let down now if i give in.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 7
Thank you everyone for the responses...Im ashamed to say dispite feeling so good all week I totally binged this weekend. Worst part was I even told my friends I was "sick" all weekend to try to avoid the temptation. But I ended up drinking alone. Weak again :/ but at least I have cut out weekday drinking I suppose. I hope I can do weekends too soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 7
Oh also I want to be sober to help my chances of getting pregnant. I know for sure i would be sober if I were to get pregnant as I want it so bad. But I have so many issues with that...makes for more depressed times makes me want to drink grrr
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