MattM316

I was dismissed from my job of 14 years yesterday.

Back in December I was given a final written warning due to being under the influence in work.

Things went well for a while but then for whatever reason I got heavily back into vodka.
My withdrawals were getting worse (I had seizures three years ago due to them) and a couple of Sundays ago I was drinking vodka through the night/early morning to try and combat them as I had been on holiday for a week and had to go in on Monday.

In my infinite wisdom I decided to fill a small water bottle with vodka and take it into work to sip and ensure my withdrawals went away, not realising how drunk I already was.
I remember nothing about that morning, but when walking back from my lunch I fell (or passed out) and basically faceplanted on the pavement.
Luckily a girl from the office next to my work drove past me and alerted my colleagues so they rushed down and I was taken to A&E with a severely mashed up face.
I basically looked like the Elephant Man for a week, was concussed, caused a haemorrage in my eye, almost broke my nose and cheekbone.

The next day I was obviously off and my boss came down to visit. I'd left the vodka bottle on my desk....

Anyway, I was at head office and was dismissed yesterday.
I have an amazing relationship with my boss and also with her boss, who did the disciplinary.
He was almost in tears when he told me, as was the HR girl, I think I was the one with least emotion in the room!

It should have been gross misconduct, meaning i'd just get this months pay, but they were amazing and marked it as just misconduct so i'll get paid for the next three months.

Last Friday I had a major withdrawal again but I sweated it out. It's only now I feel vaguely normal, but now that's out the way I can focus on getting help.
I'm seeing an alcohol nurse next week and then going from there.

The amount of support i've got from friends and colleagues has been overwhelming and that actually makes me feel worse for letting them down!

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that Matt. It is encouraging that you are getting sober again and have an appointment with a nurse next week. Do you have any plans as to what you might do to stay sober until that meeting? Not sure if you are following any other recovery plans, etc. As bad as getting let go seems, the shock will eventually wear off and you'll need something concrete to help you stay sober. There is always a deeper bottom to dig...hope you can find a way to start climbing back up.

SonomaGal

I'm so sorry this happened! But getting sober can be your complete priority now. I've been unemployed during my sobriety stint, and it allowed me to focus completely on remaking my inner life. It's not all bad, but keeping busy is very important.

When it comes to terrible stuff happening we can do nothing and let it be the worst thing that ever happened, or turn it around, work our butts off, and make it the beginning of the best part of our lives.

IOAA2

Welcome back. I’m sorry for your losses and hope this can be your last encounter with alcohol which we find leads nowhere but down if we’re alcoholic.
Sobriety is work and change but certainly worth the efforts in the long run if we participate.

BE WELL

PurpleKnight

Hey Matt, time to move forward and really sort out your relationship with alcohol this time!!

You can turn things around with a plan of recovery!! You can do this!!

MattM316

I haven't drank since Thursday. It's Wednesday now and I don't feel like drinking at all.
The big withdrawal came on Friday and I sweated out that hellish experience. In the past i'd have just bought some vodka to kill it off and keep the cycle going.
So that's one hard part out of the way!

MattM316

Also it's a relief that my company were so cool as to make it just misconduct, meaning 12 weeks notice and 3 months pay plus my holiday pay.
I've recently moved into a new house so that covers a few months mortgage while I try to find a new job.

Olive1

Sounds like a golden opportunity to try rehab or intensive outpatient!
I am rooting for you!

ScottFromWI

Withdrawals are certainly tough, but they do go away relatively quickly. I was thinking more along the lines of a long-term plan to stay sober - have you had any thoughts? Simply "not drinking" doesn't usually end to well with most.

Again, the nurse you see next week will definitely have some ideas for you - just start thinking about some on your own before then too.

MattM316

Yeah well Stage 1 was getting through the intense withdrawal.
It felt like the one I had before my seizures so it was a stressful day and I just had to take the risk. In the past (when I ended up in work in a mess) I had to drink just to stop the withdrawal/potential seizure.
Which is stupid as you're meant to taper down, but after what happened on the Monday i'd had enough.

Stage 2 will be the alcohol nurse and I imagine she'll refer me onto someone, so that'll be Stage 3.

Stage 4 will actually be to stick with it. I've been to alcohol places a few times before in the past but then think I can do it by myself. I clearly can't!

So i've sort of got a plan :/

feeling-good

I am really really sorry to hear this, but very grateful you shared as it reminds us all where alcohol can take any one of us. I really hope for the best recovery possible for you

MattM316

Well i'm dreading looking for a new job, but at least because my company were so kind i've got a 3 month buffer to start sorting myself out and then looking for one.

Hevyn

Hi Matt. I'm glad you wanted to talk about what happened.

I took alcohol to work with me many times at the end of my drinking career. No one had the nerve to confront me about it - so I just kept thinking I was fooling everyone. (Mints, eyedrops, perfume...). One night I was leaving for home & my boss came running to the parking lot to stop me. He said he just couldn't stand to see me drive away in that condition one more day. It was humiliating for all of us - but I never drank at work again. I was determined to redeem myself with those who had once respected & trusted me. (It was never the same though.) I do know how you feel! I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful new chapter in your life. I'm glad they were easy on you - I'm sure they were very sorry to see you go.

Better days are ahead - you can do this Matt.

Dee74

I'm sorry that happened Matt.

I really encourage you to make a plan, independent of what the nurse or whoever else might say.

Make sure this really is your bottom, cos if you don't consciously work at making this the last time, you'll probably find like I did that there are deeper holes.

D

Weaver

I would start looking for a job sooner than later. Something to occupy your mind and keep yourself busy. Complacency is dangerous as it can typically lead back to drinking. "I have 3 months paid, so I can wait awhile to really start trying to get sober." At least in my experience.

What are you going to change or do differently this time as opposed to previous times to make sobriety stick?


Edit: maybe not necessarily looking for a job, but SOMETHING that is productive to occupy your mind and time.

MattM316

Well I've got some wallpaper stripping and painting to do, so that's something!
I've only just really recovered from the withdrawal last Friday, still a little bit wobbly.

Lucie29

I also was bringing vodka to work towards the end of my last bender to avoid the hangover/withdrawals. I thought I was fooling everyone, but they all knew what was going on. I lived in NYC so I didn't have to worry about driving, but I would go straight to the bar after work, then call in sick the next morning. It's a terrible, miserable way to live. I left my job without notice, and got two weeks plus my vacation pay as well to hold me over until I find a new job. I have an interview today. It took me moving across the country and away from all my drinking friends to make a change. I am only about 3 weeks sober, but feel confident this is it. I changed my whole life to make it work. I wish you so much luck, and just think, you can start a new job, clean slate, where no one knows about your addictions and what happened. This is your opportunity. Take a rest, build back your confidence, and go get a great job! None of the people at your new job ever have to see you like that. It's a chance to begin again.

CAPTAINZING2000

Have you gone to treatment while you worked there? Did they offer you the opportunity to go to treatment?

SoberHoopsFan

I can relate to losing the job because of booze. That happened to me about 2 months ago. Just missed too many work days because of hangovers and neglected too many things because I was either drunk or hungover, and got canned as a result. I had what society would consider a great, very high paying job too in a well-respected profession too (although I was working for miserable pr.icks that I am thankful are no longer in my life). As much as it may seem bad to lose a job due to drinking, I looked at it as a positive and a chance to commit to sobriety. In reality, the majority of us who get sober have been bad employees because of drinking and whether or not we lose the job because of drinking, the baggage of our irresponsibilities while drinking during our employment always remains if we stay there. You have a chance for a fresh start at a new job (when you find one) where the baggage of your drinking doesn't exist if you commit to sobriety and stay sober. The same chance I have. I'm almost 2 months sober and starting a new job in a week and a half. It's a new beginning for me and I'm really excited.

Part of me staying sober is refusing to be a victim of the tyranny of bad events anymore. When something bad happens to me, I now focus on the positive and try to realize that every event in my life is there for my benefit and learning. This can be tough when the event is bad (like losing a job) but this changed outlook has really helped me stay sober so far. I hope everything works out for you, but realize this is a new beginning, not something horrible.

doggonecarl

Matt,

From the title, I thought this was an old thread, then I realized the one I was thinking about was entitled “The Final Wake Up Call…Hopefully” and dated 10-31-2013.

I don’t mention this to point out your lapses, but to emphasis the importance of what Dee said:

It is vital that you put something in place to see you through your trouble spots. You have struggled long enough with sobriety, I am sure you recognize when you are faltering. Recognize them and work through them, without drinking.

I hope for your sake that this is your last stop on the crazy train of alcohol, because the ride does continue, and it can get much worse.

Rooting for you!