I had NO idea I would end up at an AA meeting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
I had NO idea I would end up at an AA meeting
It has been approximately 2 years since I last "tried" to stop drinking. The effort was pretty half hearted and included under a month sober with only a handful of meetings(maybe once/week). It was admittedly a pretty lame effort.
Work has been incredibly stressful and due to stress/anxiety my Dr. ordered me off of work for 30 days. She set me up with a counsellor in the local clinic to help me with the stress etc. and although I admitted to the daily/excessive drinking I don't believe she recognized drinking as my problem and perhaps thought it was just a really ineffective coping mechanism for my work-induced stress. Either way I was given 30 days off.
A little part of me got really excited about having a month off in the summer - sheesh, I could lounge in the hammock with a chilled glass of wine and a book - every day! I pictured throwing a few drinks in a cooler and heading down to the river to wade around and get a golden tan.
There was another part of me - thinking "Wow, 30 days - if I had the $15 000 laying around that I need I would check myself into The Ranch(a local and INCREDIBLE treatment & recovery centre)". I startled myself when I realized that THAT was what I wanted to do with my month off. SO - I contacted a local counsellor that I know - she is an Alcoholic(sober for many years) who has a really holistic approach to treatment/healing/self work. She was able to get me in to see her yesterday and I had no choice but to be very real about what my problem is(I'm an Alcoholic). She was at the few AA meetings I attended. An hour and a half later she had really uncovered some deep work I have to do (relating to shame, perfectionism etc) but she said that she cannot help me while I am numbing my emotions, self medicating etc. She is out of town for the next month and she challenged me to make today(yesterday) Day 1 - to go to a meeting and be well enough for her to help me when she returns.
I went to the meeting. It felt really good and for the first time I spoke up and introduced myself as an Alcoholic. I kept reminding myself throughout the day that I only had to get through that day(or hour, or minute) and went to bed knowing that I might drink the next day but thankful for 24 hours sober. I took the numbers of two women and I WILL call them if I feel like I want to drink.
Today is Day 2. If you stayed with me through this post - thank you. I am not super at paraphrasing LOL. I am going to seek out meetings to go to every day. No excuses. I am SO lucky to have not lost my husband, my son, my career to this monster so I have hit as rock bottom as I would like to(and believe me - there have been some ugly/embarrassing/harmful moments that were bad enough). I believe that if I don't stop drinking I WILL eventually lose everything, including my life.
My daily affirmation is "Today I am a woman who gets her life back".
Thanks for being here.
Work has been incredibly stressful and due to stress/anxiety my Dr. ordered me off of work for 30 days. She set me up with a counsellor in the local clinic to help me with the stress etc. and although I admitted to the daily/excessive drinking I don't believe she recognized drinking as my problem and perhaps thought it was just a really ineffective coping mechanism for my work-induced stress. Either way I was given 30 days off.
A little part of me got really excited about having a month off in the summer - sheesh, I could lounge in the hammock with a chilled glass of wine and a book - every day! I pictured throwing a few drinks in a cooler and heading down to the river to wade around and get a golden tan.
There was another part of me - thinking "Wow, 30 days - if I had the $15 000 laying around that I need I would check myself into The Ranch(a local and INCREDIBLE treatment & recovery centre)". I startled myself when I realized that THAT was what I wanted to do with my month off. SO - I contacted a local counsellor that I know - she is an Alcoholic(sober for many years) who has a really holistic approach to treatment/healing/self work. She was able to get me in to see her yesterday and I had no choice but to be very real about what my problem is(I'm an Alcoholic). She was at the few AA meetings I attended. An hour and a half later she had really uncovered some deep work I have to do (relating to shame, perfectionism etc) but she said that she cannot help me while I am numbing my emotions, self medicating etc. She is out of town for the next month and she challenged me to make today(yesterday) Day 1 - to go to a meeting and be well enough for her to help me when she returns.
I went to the meeting. It felt really good and for the first time I spoke up and introduced myself as an Alcoholic. I kept reminding myself throughout the day that I only had to get through that day(or hour, or minute) and went to bed knowing that I might drink the next day but thankful for 24 hours sober. I took the numbers of two women and I WILL call them if I feel like I want to drink.
Today is Day 2. If you stayed with me through this post - thank you. I am not super at paraphrasing LOL. I am going to seek out meetings to go to every day. No excuses. I am SO lucky to have not lost my husband, my son, my career to this monster so I have hit as rock bottom as I would like to(and believe me - there have been some ugly/embarrassing/harmful moments that were bad enough). I believe that if I don't stop drinking I WILL eventually lose everything, including my life.
My daily affirmation is "Today I am a woman who gets her life back".
Thanks for being here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
Thank you both! Everytime I opened the fridge yesterday I stole a peek at the frosty bottle of wine purchased the day prior. I thought that perhaps leaving it there and succeeding in NOT drinking it would be a victory....and then I asked myself if I thought I would *someday* drink it and realized what needed to happen. I poured it down the sink moments ago - it will NOT help me get through today.
Wow - I have NEVER poured out alcohol LOL.
Wow - I have NEVER poured out alcohol LOL.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Wow! You are awesome. Pouring out perfectly good wine is difficult. I've done it and it is empowering. You can make it through today. Get to a meeting and keep reading posts. LOTS of TLC, too!!! Take great care of yourself <3 You can do this!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
My eyes got really big when I read that you had a bottle of wine and you were testing yourself.
Glad that story had a happy ending!
I think your life story is about to take a very positive turn, as well. Congratulations for taking your body and your life back. You'll never regret not having a drink.
Welcome to Day Two.
Glad that story had a happy ending!
I think your life story is about to take a very positive turn, as well. Congratulations for taking your body and your life back. You'll never regret not having a drink.
Welcome to Day Two.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
I live in a small town - thankfully there are meetings every day but 5 out of 7 days are 1/2 to 45 min drive. I have a meeting lined up for tonight and it's gorgeous weather - so instead of using the 1.5 hour drive(round trip) and the added length of the meeting giving me a "perfectly *good*" excuse to not find childcare for the evening.....I have arranged care and am taking the top off of the jeep to enjoy the hot weather drive to my support salvation for Day 2. Trying hard not to think about anything further than today. That scares me. Today I can handle.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Trail, welcome....yes, I read your story to the end!
And now we are at the beginning.
Congrats on two days and getting rid of that bottle...I thing the huge step you've taken is awesome and doable. I did the same thing last July...after a similar feeble attempt, 4 days sober - 3 years earlier.
I downloaded a few books on alcoholism to my IPad and just read my guts out and ate healthy the first few days...minute by minute, hour by hour....
Stick around ...Lots of support here!
And now we are at the beginning.
Congrats on two days and getting rid of that bottle...I thing the huge step you've taken is awesome and doable. I did the same thing last July...after a similar feeble attempt, 4 days sober - 3 years earlier.
I downloaded a few books on alcoholism to my IPad and just read my guts out and ate healthy the first few days...minute by minute, hour by hour....
Stick around ...Lots of support here!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
cool beans!! there an intro to the 2nd set of personal stories in the big book titled,"they stopped in time:"
Among today’s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen A.A.’s, and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: “We didn’t wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous.”
Among today’s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen A.A.’s, and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: “We didn’t wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous.”
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
feeling good - it's crazy hot here and would be a typical drinking in the sun day - getting more done around the house/yard than I have in months and might take a drive out to set up a tent for the night before I swing around to tonight's meeting - this is my favourite meeting and if you check out the pictures you will know why - the picture with the fire place is where they meeting is held - very good vibe there - wish I could budget in a month or three to stay. Top of the World Ranch Treatment Center in BC | Alcohol Treatment | Alcohol Rehabs
Last edited by Dee74; 07-29-2014 at 03:16 PM.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I am glad you are here.
I sure never expected to be in an AA meeting when I would see the AA schedule in our Church weekly brochure.
But I found my way into these meetings through a 5 week treatment experience and I haven't quit going since.
Nor have I had a drink or a mood altering drug since I walked into that treatment center.
And that has been a few 24 hours ago so to speak.
I sure never expected to be in an AA meeting when I would see the AA schedule in our Church weekly brochure.
But I found my way into these meetings through a 5 week treatment experience and I haven't quit going since.
Nor have I had a drink or a mood altering drug since I walked into that treatment center.
And that has been a few 24 hours ago so to speak.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
only an hour and a half until I leave for my meeting - yay - sunny afternoons are hard but EVENING is my real tough time (which is why I am going to an evening meeting instead of one that was closer to me but at noon)..... Day 2 - I'VE GOT YOU!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Always having a plan. . . GOOD THING.
I already know where my next meeting is, and if I have any "issues" before it, I have numbers to call and people who will come out of the woodwork to talk with me. AND I have all you friends on SR There is always help 24/7.
YAY for Day 2
I already know where my next meeting is, and if I have any "issues" before it, I have numbers to call and people who will come out of the woodwork to talk with me. AND I have all you friends on SR
There is always help 24/7. YAY for Day 2
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