Angry/Confrontational member
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 188
"Anyone have experience with this and if so how did you handle it? "
yup, happened here at my HG a few years ago.
what I did when the guy got on me about not pickin up the phone I reminded him that I said I wont sit and listen to his chaos and drama without offering a solution and if he didn't want to live the solution then don't call me. got on me right in a meeting and I politely said," it may do ya good to read page 96 in the BB."
so onto someone else.
eventually a few of us approached him about his behavior in a concerned way and trying to find a solution. it didn't help.
GC said his behavior is not acceptable and he will not be allowed at the meeting if his behavior didn't change. it didn't change so we( 3 of us) pulled him a side and said he would have to find another meeting. eventually ended up calling the cops and having him removed from the property. then a PPO had to be put on him.
but it all stopped after that.
im with croissant about blaming this behavior for avoiding AA. the stuff happens every single day out in public.theres people with serioius mental illnesses walking the streets, driving cars, maybe even workin right along side others. hell, the news only shows a small percentage. pick up the local police blotter and find out whats happenin every day outside of an AA meeting in your town. and by people not involved with AA!!
yup, happened here at my HG a few years ago.
what I did when the guy got on me about not pickin up the phone I reminded him that I said I wont sit and listen to his chaos and drama without offering a solution and if he didn't want to live the solution then don't call me. got on me right in a meeting and I politely said," it may do ya good to read page 96 in the BB."
so onto someone else.
eventually a few of us approached him about his behavior in a concerned way and trying to find a solution. it didn't help.
GC said his behavior is not acceptable and he will not be allowed at the meeting if his behavior didn't change. it didn't change so we( 3 of us) pulled him a side and said he would have to find another meeting. eventually ended up calling the cops and having him removed from the property. then a PPO had to be put on him.
but it all stopped after that.
im with croissant about blaming this behavior for avoiding AA. the stuff happens every single day out in public.theres people with serioius mental illnesses walking the streets, driving cars, maybe even workin right along side others. hell, the news only shows a small percentage. pick up the local police blotter and find out whats happenin every day outside of an AA meeting in your town. and by people not involved with AA!!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 132
I heard no "blaming"
Someone, who IS sober, for a year, stated that they did not attend AA meetings and this is a reason why.
That's it. No blame. No suggestion that AA meetings are hot beds of violence. No telling others to stay away.
Then it is said they are silly, hiding from life and letting their AV keep them from recovery.
Perhaps it is not welcome here, but maybe worth pointing out how people who speak of their experience are belittled if it does not make glowing report of everything AA. As if their experience is invalid, and their recovery questionable.
Happens here quite regularly.
AA people swoop in to shut them down.
Their simple statement was twisted, and that is not right.
Someone, who IS sober, for a year, stated that they did not attend AA meetings and this is a reason why.
That's it. No blame. No suggestion that AA meetings are hot beds of violence. No telling others to stay away.
Then it is said they are silly, hiding from life and letting their AV keep them from recovery.
Perhaps it is not welcome here, but maybe worth pointing out how people who speak of their experience are belittled if it does not make glowing report of everything AA. As if their experience is invalid, and their recovery questionable.
Happens here quite regularly.
AA people swoop in to shut them down.
Their simple statement was twisted, and that is not right.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
all i can say to those members who feel offended by some people behavior is they better hope they dont pick up a drink again and end up going to prison for there drunkenness as sadly you will have no way to avoid army's of people who will razor you unless you give them tobacco or something else from your weekly rations, so thank your god you was spared from living with people like that, not everyone is so lucky certainly not me so i am used to hot heads and anger from people and a lot worse
there are some meetings that end up like upper class snob type of meetings with people who have never experienced real hard life out in the world so i guess for those types of people, people who come in to aa full of anger and rage would be quite a shock for them
i was a very angry aa member when i first came in and i would turn the meeting blue with my anger at the police and the social workers or anything else that i hated at that time
i had nothing when i came in and even hated aa memebers who had so much left if you had more than me i hated you : )
my kids were locked up in my mind in social serivces care because of the law and nothing to do with me
the whole world was out to get me and crush me my ex wife was in bed with another drunk and i was living in a flat that was given to me by a hostel group
i was in so much pain and the only way i could show it was with my anger as i wouldn't cry yet my heart was crying
i am so lucky i had real honest aa members around me who helped me, looked after me and brought me to my senses over time. keep coming back they said to me even though i was not the nicest guy in the world lol
12 moths later was the day i went to court and got my kids back it was the happiest moment in my life and i will never forget the angry hurt man who shown up on aa doorstep
its the members in aa who gave me there time and there real love without it i would of carreid on drinking and problery back to prison and my kids would of stayed in care forever
so please dont tell me your working a 12 step program or your believe in a god if your ready to stick the boot into people who are in so much pain
there was a girl in aa who no one would go anywhere near as she was foul mouthed and very bitter she would turn up half drunk in meetings and rant
i was learning how to work my 12th step at the time and how i learned how to do it was i had to hug people in the meetings and see if they are ok lol i was to listen out in meetings if anyone was in pain and go and talk with them after the meeting and maybe take them for a coffee or give them a lift anything to help
then there was this loud foul mouthed girl who was very very angry, i had to go over to her and hug her and tell her to keep on coming back
she never bite my head off, she didnt want to punch me, she looked shocked and remained quiet
no one had ever given this girl a hug before and today years later she is now a group leader
how i look at her now from where she once was is just amazing in my eyes but then i look at my own growth in aa how i was and how i am today
that girl always remembers the hug she was given its funny when we do small little things how much they might actually mean to others
so maybe if you give this fellow some real time and let him talk his head off he might run out of steam and calm down
but please dont tell me your living a 12 step program if you dont give people time who are in pain as your a fake and even the chap who is in pain will be able to see right through you just like i would
there are some meetings that end up like upper class snob type of meetings with people who have never experienced real hard life out in the world so i guess for those types of people, people who come in to aa full of anger and rage would be quite a shock for them
i was a very angry aa member when i first came in and i would turn the meeting blue with my anger at the police and the social workers or anything else that i hated at that time
i had nothing when i came in and even hated aa memebers who had so much left if you had more than me i hated you : )
my kids were locked up in my mind in social serivces care because of the law and nothing to do with me
the whole world was out to get me and crush me my ex wife was in bed with another drunk and i was living in a flat that was given to me by a hostel group
i was in so much pain and the only way i could show it was with my anger as i wouldn't cry yet my heart was crying
i am so lucky i had real honest aa members around me who helped me, looked after me and brought me to my senses over time. keep coming back they said to me even though i was not the nicest guy in the world lol
12 moths later was the day i went to court and got my kids back it was the happiest moment in my life and i will never forget the angry hurt man who shown up on aa doorstep
its the members in aa who gave me there time and there real love without it i would of carreid on drinking and problery back to prison and my kids would of stayed in care forever
so please dont tell me your working a 12 step program or your believe in a god if your ready to stick the boot into people who are in so much pain
there was a girl in aa who no one would go anywhere near as she was foul mouthed and very bitter she would turn up half drunk in meetings and rant
i was learning how to work my 12th step at the time and how i learned how to do it was i had to hug people in the meetings and see if they are ok lol i was to listen out in meetings if anyone was in pain and go and talk with them after the meeting and maybe take them for a coffee or give them a lift anything to help
then there was this loud foul mouthed girl who was very very angry, i had to go over to her and hug her and tell her to keep on coming back
she never bite my head off, she didnt want to punch me, she looked shocked and remained quiet
no one had ever given this girl a hug before and today years later she is now a group leader
how i look at her now from where she once was is just amazing in my eyes but then i look at my own growth in aa how i was and how i am today
that girl always remembers the hug she was given its funny when we do small little things how much they might actually mean to others
so maybe if you give this fellow some real time and let him talk his head off he might run out of steam and calm down
but please dont tell me your living a 12 step program if you dont give people time who are in pain as your a fake and even the chap who is in pain will be able to see right through you just like i would
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 188
so please dont tell me your working a 12 step program or your believe in a god if your ready to stick the boot into people who are in so much pain
I simply refuse to accept unacceptable behavior today, from myself.....so why would I accept unacceptable behavior from anyone who is verbally or physically threatening? Here is the simple answer..... I Won't!
And yes, I am working a 12 step program and that is exactly why I refuse to allow anyone to treat me with disrespect of any kind or allow anyone, no matter how much pain they are in....to use verbal or physical violence against me or any AA member at an AA meeting.
Here in our AA Home Group, when there are threats of physical violence or out control behavior by anyone, it is dealt with immediately, by some AA members and/or depending on how out of control someone gets.....the police will be called.
My point was that we didn't care about putting ourselves in worse places when we were drinking. Sticking your neck out, (or hardly at all) is WORTH it when getting sober.
Maybe it reminds you of how people act when drinking. These kind of people could be anywhere. You cannot hide from life.
Maybe it reminds you of how people act when drinking. These kind of people could be anywhere. You cannot hide from life.
I agree these incidents are probably rare. In the ~ six months I attended AA, I did not experience any behavior as described by the OP. And if it did occur, it would not have stopped me from attending AA; although, if the situation was not addressed quickly, I would have changed meetings. However, while these incidents may be rare, other posters here have mentioned AA/NA members behaving badly at meetings, so we know it does occur with some frequency.
The issue is how should it be dealt with, and how quickly it should be dealt with. IMO, there should be zero tolerance for any type of violence or threat of violence, and one physical incident should be enough to ban any member from further meetings. And that's being generous, as most people would want law enforcement called immediately after a physical confrontation.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
I simply refuse to accept unacceptable behavior today, from myself.....so why would I accept unacceptable behavior from anyone who is verbally or physically threatening? Here is the simple answer..... I Won't!
And yes, I am working a 12 step program and that is exactly why I refuse to allow anyone to treat me with disrespect of any kind or allow anyone, no matter how much pain they are in....to use verbal or physical violence against me or any AA member at an AA meeting.
Here in our AA Home Group, when there are threats of physical violence or out control behavior by anyone, it is dealt with immediately, by some AA members and/or depending on how out of control someone gets.....the police will be called.
And yes, I am working a 12 step program and that is exactly why I refuse to allow anyone to treat me with disrespect of any kind or allow anyone, no matter how much pain they are in....to use verbal or physical violence against me or any AA member at an AA meeting.
Here in our AA Home Group, when there are threats of physical violence or out control behavior by anyone, it is dealt with immediately, by some AA members and/or depending on how out of control someone gets.....the police will be called.
we keep the aa doors open to all and not just who we like or our well behaved middle class nose in the air type of members
aa is for all.
i am so grateful to those members who put up with me in my early days when i was off my head
i wouldnt of had a chance if members of aa were anything like you and had your attitude thats for sure as you would of kicked me out and banned me.
I heard no "blaming"
Someone, who IS sober, for a year, stated that they did not attend AA meetings and this is a reason why.
That's it. No blame. No suggestion that AA meetings are hot beds of violence. No telling others to stay away.
Then it is said they are silly, hiding from life and letting their AV keep them from recovery.
Perhaps it is not welcome here, but maybe worth pointing out how people who speak of their experience are belittled if it does not make glowing report of everything AA. As if their experience is invalid, and their recovery questionable.
Happens here quite regularly.
AA people swoop in to shut them down.
Their simple statement was twisted, and that is not right.
Someone, who IS sober, for a year, stated that they did not attend AA meetings and this is a reason why.
That's it. No blame. No suggestion that AA meetings are hot beds of violence. No telling others to stay away.
Then it is said they are silly, hiding from life and letting their AV keep them from recovery.
Perhaps it is not welcome here, but maybe worth pointing out how people who speak of their experience are belittled if it does not make glowing report of everything AA. As if their experience is invalid, and their recovery questionable.
Happens here quite regularly.
AA people swoop in to shut them down.
Their simple statement was twisted, and that is not right.
Read what I wrote again, without putting your own implications into it. What you think I said is not what I said.
how sick some are when they come into AA
just because these sick ones have some time away from the drink
in no way are they normal healthy people
to once again be (normal healthy)
this takes much time for the average drunkard after sobering up
note
some unfortunate ones will never achieve this goal
also note
some who have never taken a drink will also never achieve this goal
the "fallen world" that we live in
To live in a fallen world means we struggle with sin on a daily basis. We experience heartache and pain. We witness natural disasters and staggering loss. Injustice, inhumanity, and falsehood seem to hold sway. Discord and trouble are commonplace. None of this was God’s original plan for humanity. We fell from our original position in the Garden of Eden. We now live in a fallen world, and all creation “groans” under the consequences of our sin (Romans 8:22).
Read more: What does it mean that we live in a fallen world?
Mountainman
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 132
After your post a few others added to the idea, including using the word blame.
And it is not on the behalf of another party, it is my response to a general trend on the forum and also to things said here as noted. I do feel that post had been twisted and the idea added to, and that is bothersome to me, perhaps as you are noting above how YOU understood my post, it was not directed at you personally but you felt it as if it was.
Maybe we all sense blame and judgement when someone says something that is close to our heart.
Maybe I misunderstood words like silly, hiding from life, blaming etc.
It is not my intent to detract the point of this thread. So I will let it rest.
From the 24 hour a day
Do I have any hard feelings about other group members or for any other A.A. group? Am I critical of the way a group member thinks or acts? Do I feel that another group is operating in the wrong way and do I broadcast it? Or do I realize that all A.A. members, no matter what their limitations, have something to offer, some good, however little, that they can do for A.A. in spite of their handicaps? Do I believe that there is a place for all kinds of groups in A.A., provided they are following A.A. traditions, and that they can be effective, even if I do not agree with their procedure? Am I tolerant of people and groups?
Do I have any hard feelings about other group members or for any other A.A. group? Am I critical of the way a group member thinks or acts? Do I feel that another group is operating in the wrong way and do I broadcast it? Or do I realize that all A.A. members, no matter what their limitations, have something to offer, some good, however little, that they can do for A.A. in spite of their handicaps? Do I believe that there is a place for all kinds of groups in A.A., provided they are following A.A. traditions, and that they can be effective, even if I do not agree with their procedure? Am I tolerant of people and groups?
sometimes we seem to forget
how sick some are when they come into AA
just because these sick ones have some time away from the drink
in no way are they normal healthy people
to once again be (normal healthy)
this takes much time for the average drunkard after sobering up
note
some unfortunate ones will never achieve this goal
also note
some who have never taken a drink will also never achieve this goal
the "fallen world" that we live in
To live in a fallen world means we struggle with sin on a daily basis. We experience heartache and pain. We witness natural disasters and staggering loss. Injustice, inhumanity, and falsehood seem to hold sway. Discord and trouble are commonplace. None of this was God’s original plan for humanity. We fell from our original position in the Garden of Eden. We now live in a fallen world, and all creation “groans” under the consequences of our sin (Romans 8:22).
Read more: What does it mean that we live in a fallen world?
Mountainman
how sick some are when they come into AA
just because these sick ones have some time away from the drink
in no way are they normal healthy people
to once again be (normal healthy)
this takes much time for the average drunkard after sobering up
note
some unfortunate ones will never achieve this goal
also note
some who have never taken a drink will also never achieve this goal
the "fallen world" that we live in
To live in a fallen world means we struggle with sin on a daily basis. We experience heartache and pain. We witness natural disasters and staggering loss. Injustice, inhumanity, and falsehood seem to hold sway. Discord and trouble are commonplace. None of this was God’s original plan for humanity. We fell from our original position in the Garden of Eden. We now live in a fallen world, and all creation “groans” under the consequences of our sin (Romans 8:22).
Read more: What does it mean that we live in a fallen world?
Mountainman
This is a good topic, Ken.
I have seen angry, hard-hearted people come into a meeting or a group and try to steer it to their liking, complaining all the while that everyone else (including the resident old-timers) are doing things wrong.
Usually, these types move on.
Until they do, or if they don't, though, they are quite a headache.
I would be inclined to see how things work out in the short run and, then, move on to another group if possible.
I have seen angry, hard-hearted people come into a meeting or a group and try to steer it to their liking, complaining all the while that everyone else (including the resident old-timers) are doing things wrong.
Usually, these types move on.
Until they do, or if they don't, though, they are quite a headache.
I would be inclined to see how things work out in the short run and, then, move on to another group if possible.
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