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Old 07-16-2004, 10:57 AM
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Little Girl Found
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Stuff and Nonsense...

Hey guys, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching for the past couple weeks. I'm still on here a lot and I still read your posts, I just haven't been doing any of my own posting. First of all...thanks for various inspiration that I get from many of your words of encouragement and hope. I have to believe that I can't quit until the miracle happens--which people have mentioned about before. I know that deep down somewhere I truly believe that and that's why I so desperately want to get it right. And, why I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth yet.
I just finished reading Patsy's reply in a post about parents and alcoholism. I could totally relate to that...that was me not too long ago. I swore up and down, left and right that I would never have issues with drinking, like so many around me. I never would have thought twice about picking up at social events/parties/etc because I thought it was a waste of time. I also thought (believe it or not) that if I needed to have a drink to feel better or loosen up, then I shouldn't even be where ever I was to begin with. I knew somewhere inside myself, that to "have" to drink would eventually spell out trouble. And, looky-looky. But, as with everything in life, we take certain paths for certain reasons and everything is meant to be--because it just is. Sorry, didn't mean to get all Zen-like there. And, I'm not trying to be a one-upper or to justify the way I am. It's just, thanks Patsy (if you're reading this), sometimes we hear things we need to hear yet don't realize we needed to hear them until we do. Wow that was quite a sentence!
Anyways...I guess there are a few things here I wanted to write about. For no particular reason then to just journal, I suppose.
Things I really hate about the after-effects of benders (not in any order)
1. dry, chapped lips...
2. gritty teeth and a mouth that tastes funny...
3. not being able to taste anything GOOD because of aforementioned reason...
4. shakiness...
5. insomnia...
6. irritability...
7. jumpiness (even at the slightest noise)...
8. strange white lines when you close your eyes...
9. sadness...
10. just plain feeling like junk!!!

I would also like some advice on spirituality. I think I've been at odds with my HP (God) for awhile, and I think that that set up the fall that I've taken. I know it's been mentioned before to "fire" your HP if it isn't working for you...but I would feel funny firing God. Well, at least the God that I believe in. Must be something that was instilled in me growing up. I had this neighbor-friend who became extremely religious as a baptist. And, for awhile I followed her example. There were a lot of things I stopped doing for fear of going to hell. One was listening to rock music. The other, wearing pants (girls only wore skirts and dresses). After a few years of living in constant fear, I basically said "screw this ****". So, maybe by firing THAT God, I was doing myself a favor. I don't know if I'm making any sense here...but I'm not an atheist...or agnostic. I do believe that there is a HP--I just say God non-secullaryly (sp) if that's even possible. Okay...maybe I should just say "Being" so as not to cause confusion. But, I think you people here would understand more where I'm comming from. And, I know that my HP isn't going to suddenly emerge from a bright white light or fly down from heaven and tell me: "here I am...I've always been here...and you WILL overcome!!!". Just wish it were that simple. And, maybe it is...and I'm the one complicating things. OH, the whoas of thinking too much. But, I know I needed to get a lot of this out. Thanks for listening. As always.

Danielle
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Old 07-16-2004, 11:13 AM
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Hi there Danielle,
so good to see you...

I used to struggle with my Babtist/Catholic/Mormon introduction to religion.
I started reading about all the religions of the world and found that a common thread runs through most of them.
It was not until I was introduced to the beliefs of Native Americans and sat in the sweat lodge, that I truly felt that I had found a Higher Power that felt real and true to me.

There is a childrens book that I bought for my son years ago that I loved and I felt it conveyed to my son my personal belief system...
Nomaste'

It is called "old Turtle"
Here is a book review....

Amazon.com
When all of creation--trees, stones, ants, the sky, fish—-begins arguing over who or what God is, quiet Old Turtle is the only one who has the wisdom and ability to see beyond herself to capture the essence. The debate escalates until Old Turtle finally speaks: "STOP!" She accepts and incorporates the beliefs of all the creatures: "God is indeed deep," she says to the fish in the sea, "and much higher than high," she tells the mountains. "God is gentle and powerful. Above all things and within all things... God IS." Old Turtle, after silencing the crowds with her understanding, makes a prediction about the appearance of a new "family of beings" in the world. These beings, human beings, do appear, and soon are fighting among themselves over the nature of God. It is only when people start listening to the mountains and winds and stones and stars that they actually begin to hear--and to heal the earth.
A graceful fable, with elegant, dreamlike watercolors by illustrator Cheng-Khee Chee, Douglas Wood's modern-day classic makes a hushed but strong environmental statement, as well as a plea for universal acceptance. (Ages 5 and older) --Emilie Coulter --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Old 07-16-2004, 12:32 PM
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Little Girl Found
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Hey Kellie, thank you for that. Like I said before, we tend to hear things when we need to hear them.
I had an ex-boyfriend that's 1/4 Cherokee, and he sorta started getting back to his roots and learning more about such things as the Medicine Wheel. But, unfortunately, we were dating when I was at the lowest point in my life. Everything that I'm suffering from now come to a head when we were together and I put him through 2 years of hell before he realized that by saving his life (as well as mine) he had to kick me to the curb. But, what he did tell me about, I thought was pretty interesting. So, what exactly is a sweat lodge like?
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Old 07-17-2004, 05:34 PM
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Hi Honey Girl...
The sweatlodge is many things...it depends a lot on the person who is leading the sweat and which tribe they follow.
I have learned mostly from my friend Servondo's lodge, he is commanche but follows the ways of Orvil Looking Horse and the Lakota People of South Dakota and the green grass reservation.
I have also sweated with numerous other's who have their own way's, such as a friend who has a Bear Lodge that is very powerful and very, very hot.
I get emotional just thinking about my experiences within the lodge.
When my heart is in the wrong place, I suffer greatly in the lodge and find myself digging deep in to the mother earth for some comfort from her cool, dampness. I feel I will die, but come out reborn.
-Nomaste'

I found this little excerpt and it is pretty good....



"The Sweat Lodge is probably the most recognised of all Native American Ceremonies. While there are as many ways to conduct this ceremony as there are sweatlodge leaders, there are many elements that are consistent with all Sweat Lodges. The lodge itself is built from willow saplings or some other supple wood frame. This frame is in the from of a half-dome and covered with blankets and tarps. When completely covered, it can be very dark inside, even in the daylight. Adjacent to the lodge is a fire pit used to heat up rocks. These rocks are usually volcanic and are called "Stone People," they represent our oldest living relatives. When the stones are good and hot, they are brought into the lodge where the participants have gathered. Water is poured onto the Stones creating steam. The Sweat Leader holds the sacred space and helps the participants with prayer and songs. In most of the Seven Circles lodges, the ceremony within the lodge is somewhat akin to a "talking circle." Participants are invited to speak from their hearts about their life and their community concerns. This is a ceremony of purification and prayer. In the heat and the darkness of the lodge, we can come closer to ourselves, closer to Creator, and closer to understanding each other."
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Old 07-18-2004, 03:12 PM
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Danielle
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