The reason why I drink*trigger warning*
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 5
The reason why I drink*trigger warning*
I guess I'll put it here because I'm sure someone else will understand. I was raised not to show bad emotions , I'm not sure if my parents intended to do it or not. When I was younger and I cried my parents would just stare at me and I always felt distanced from them. It's a good day if I let my mom hug me without cringing. As I got older I developed a habit of cutting myself to self punish and to calm down , so I could see the way I felt on my skin because I couldn't show it. I ended up coving both my legs in cuts. It got so bad I had to hang my head into the bathtub to wash my hair because if I went into the shower my cuts opened and beld everywhere. When my mom found out she yelled at me, that's it just yelled. Then her and my dad bought me stuff they thought would make me happy. I eventually ended up having to go to the hospital were I was told I was pain by sister infront of my parents and that she wished she didn't have to come down to see me because she had other stuff to do. My parents didnt say anything. A year later my sister started cutting herself. In my family it was a big deal , she would do it in my opinion for attention any time she didnt get what she wanted . I would come home to the door open and blood in the sink and on the stairs and no one home. Boone would call me to tell me what happened,and that's when I started to drink. I was also blamed by my family for my sister hurting herself and after that I got blamed for almost everything going wrong in there lives. I stopped going to school and started smoking. My mom and dad told me they hated me and would kick me out every other day . I started using my axiety meds to get high. My parents would lie to my friends parents about the way they treated me and make up excuses to family members. They told me no one wanted me or would help me . My dad cheated on my mom , I was constantly suicidal , my friend hung herself. My parents pinned me down one day and locked me in the van and my dad told me he didn't want me anymore and he was going to put me out on the streets, he brought me to my grandparents house and picked me up the next day full of lies. It became a threat "do you wanna go back to the hospital" like there taughting me. I'm 20 now off meds and clean from cutting, I drink myself stupid every day because its the only thing that makes it go away . I can't go a day without drinking its scary . Todays my first day sober , I'm really scared . I don't wanna live through everything over and over in my head. I promised my boyfriend I would do this though this morning . Last night I guess I was pretty bad. So here it goes this is my first day sober... Hopefully.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Bunnii!! 
Thanks for sharing your story, you've been through a lot!!
Alcohol was an escape for me too, it was a great way to simply numb away all those feelings, made reality bearable for a short period of time, but like you realised it's not a sustainable way forward!!
You'll find loads of support here on SR, it's great to have you here!!
Thanks for sharing your story, you've been through a lot!!
Alcohol was an escape for me too, it was a great way to simply numb away all those feelings, made reality bearable for a short period of time, but like you realised it's not a sustainable way forward!!
You'll find loads of support here on SR, it's great to have you here!!
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Hello Bunii,
24/7/365 support here on SR. Look into the various forums for people and ideas you connect with for sobriety. We have a weekend fun thread every weekend to stay sober together:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...25th-27th.html
24/7/365 support here on SR. Look into the various forums for people and ideas you connect with for sobriety. We have a weekend fun thread every weekend to stay sober together:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...25th-27th.html
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
At your age I was drinking to self medicate and forget my childhood issues etc... But then adult hood was there and i had to deal with adult issues all the more reason to drink to self medicate the hell of having to be an adult and deal with life etc..
When i sobered up I had to not only face that hell i grew up in but I also had to face my adult life like well an adult. It was not easy I had to take it one day at a time one min at a time. I was so full of so many emotions i was climbing the walls for a good while. I'd walk around the house with a clenched fist and gritted teeth. I lashed out at a few people in early sobriety etc.. I made some mistakes too even.
But I'm sober now and despte the hell of my childhood I'm sober I feel as if I made it as if i conquered. Despite the fact that life sucks sometimes I'm sober now.
Life is ALWAYS going to have its ups and its downs. By not drinking we can garantee that that at least is not going to be part of our problems. we got enough problems without throwing the booze into the mix!
I know you promised your boyfriend you'd do this. But be sure to do this for you and no one else. If you do it for you there will be a much better you to share with everyone else around you as time goes on.
People can overcome a lot of obstacles in this life I think you can handle this.
When i sobered up I had to not only face that hell i grew up in but I also had to face my adult life like well an adult. It was not easy I had to take it one day at a time one min at a time. I was so full of so many emotions i was climbing the walls for a good while. I'd walk around the house with a clenched fist and gritted teeth. I lashed out at a few people in early sobriety etc.. I made some mistakes too even.
But I'm sober now and despte the hell of my childhood I'm sober I feel as if I made it as if i conquered. Despite the fact that life sucks sometimes I'm sober now.
Life is ALWAYS going to have its ups and its downs. By not drinking we can garantee that that at least is not going to be part of our problems. we got enough problems without throwing the booze into the mix!
I know you promised your boyfriend you'd do this. But be sure to do this for you and no one else. If you do it for you there will be a much better you to share with everyone else around you as time goes on.
People can overcome a lot of obstacles in this life I think you can handle this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I agree, Bunnii, you've been through so much
I know I"m a much better person in so many ways simply because i was capable of beating this addiction. Its very rewarding to overcome it. Its not just limited to gee i dont drink anymore. Theres a lot more to sobriety then just that.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi and welcome Bunnii
Many of us started drinking to forget bad or painful things...gradually the cure became worse than the initial problems.
Many of us had bad or difficult childhoods - but our past need not dictate our future - unless we let it.
It's never too late to write a new ending to your story.
You'll find a lot of support here - you're not alone
D
Many of us started drinking to forget bad or painful things...gradually the cure became worse than the initial problems.
Many of us had bad or difficult childhoods - but our past need not dictate our future - unless we let it.
It's never too late to write a new ending to your story.
You'll find a lot of support here - you're not alone
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi Bunnii and welcome.
The majority of us drank to excess by gradual amounts because if felt good and relieved our stresses in the beginning. As time progressed and we continued to drink to cover up our feelings and not deal with them in a healthy manner for a variety of reasons our drinking became a way of life until we were lucky to do something about it in a healthy manner.
Many like myself chose AA or other methods, like learning from forums like this. Whatever method we choose continual work and training are a needed requirement for many reasons.
For the present the resolve to not drink is #1 until we settle down withdrawal wise then the excitement of recovery can proceed.
BE WELL
The majority of us drank to excess by gradual amounts because if felt good and relieved our stresses in the beginning. As time progressed and we continued to drink to cover up our feelings and not deal with them in a healthy manner for a variety of reasons our drinking became a way of life until we were lucky to do something about it in a healthy manner.
Many like myself chose AA or other methods, like learning from forums like this. Whatever method we choose continual work and training are a needed requirement for many reasons.
For the present the resolve to not drink is #1 until we settle down withdrawal wise then the excitement of recovery can proceed.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
I grew up in an alcoholic home with a verbally abusive and emotionally unstable mother.
I was told everything wrong in her life was my fault and I believed it for years.
I also drank to numb the pain.
I have learned, and it took many years, that I am a person of worth no matter what
my mother said.
So are you. You are unique and have the potential to be happy and fulfill your dreams.
Believe that, repeat it to yourself and that's how you start to make it happen.
You are no longer stuck as a minor with your family. You get to decide about your own life now.
Make good decisions and you will get good results.
Stopping drinking is one of the best decisions you can ever make.
Welcome to the forum Bunnii--
I was told everything wrong in her life was my fault and I believed it for years.
I also drank to numb the pain.
I have learned, and it took many years, that I am a person of worth no matter what
my mother said.
So are you. You are unique and have the potential to be happy and fulfill your dreams.
Believe that, repeat it to yourself and that's how you start to make it happen.
You are no longer stuck as a minor with your family. You get to decide about your own life now.
Make good decisions and you will get good results.
Stopping drinking is one of the best decisions you can ever make.
Welcome to the forum Bunnii--
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 188
Hi Bunnii and welcome,
I too grew up in an alcoholic home, both parents verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically abusive. Yes, I am sure that kind of abuse is what I first used in order to take a drink and to continue drinking because before I crossed that line into alcoholism, it must have seemed to work for me.
In the light of my own alcoholism, it doesn't matter why I drank, what matters is what I do TODAY, what actions can I take today to stay sober and work this program of recovery in my own life and pass it on.
See, I had thousands of excuses for why I drank and only ONE valid reason...... I am a drunk, that's it. We can get better one day at a time Bunnii, through working, applying and practicing this program of recovery in our own life. If you need to seek outside help, please do that.....do whatever you need to do to stay sober and change the person you brought to sobriety.
Best of everything to you
I too grew up in an alcoholic home, both parents verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically abusive. Yes, I am sure that kind of abuse is what I first used in order to take a drink and to continue drinking because before I crossed that line into alcoholism, it must have seemed to work for me.
In the light of my own alcoholism, it doesn't matter why I drank, what matters is what I do TODAY, what actions can I take today to stay sober and work this program of recovery in my own life and pass it on.
See, I had thousands of excuses for why I drank and only ONE valid reason...... I am a drunk, that's it. We can get better one day at a time Bunnii, through working, applying and practicing this program of recovery in our own life. If you need to seek outside help, please do that.....do whatever you need to do to stay sober and change the person you brought to sobriety.
Best of everything to you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Hi (((Bunn))).
Sometimes I wish there was a test you had to pass for parenthood.
Look, there is nothing in those bottles that is going to make how you were treated ok. It wasn't ok. You can be a fine young lady in spite of all that. If you can just put the booze down and walk away to the better life that awaits you, do that. If you find you need some help there is AA, and Rational Recovery, individual counseling, and a slew of other options. I will promise you that in my experience the drinking will only get worse if you don't address it.
Sometimes I wish there was a test you had to pass for parenthood.
Look, there is nothing in those bottles that is going to make how you were treated ok. It wasn't ok. You can be a fine young lady in spite of all that. If you can just put the booze down and walk away to the better life that awaits you, do that. If you find you need some help there is AA, and Rational Recovery, individual counseling, and a slew of other options. I will promise you that in my experience the drinking will only get worse if you don't address it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Hello Bunnii,
Welcome to SR where you will experience lots of support and encouragement. Sometimes it may be uncomfortable because you may not be use to it, but you do deserve it.
I agree with others when they explain that alcohol won't make anything better but continue to make things worse. It won't fix your childhood and will only prevent you from experiencing the future you truly deserve.
I strongly encourage you to seek some professional counseling where someone can help walk you through all these emotions you have been trying to numb with alcohol. It will be difficult but worth your effort. You are worth so much more than living a life chasing the bottle.
I look forward to reading more posts from you in the future.
Welcome to SR where you will experience lots of support and encouragement. Sometimes it may be uncomfortable because you may not be use to it, but you do deserve it.
I agree with others when they explain that alcohol won't make anything better but continue to make things worse. It won't fix your childhood and will only prevent you from experiencing the future you truly deserve.
I strongly encourage you to seek some professional counseling where someone can help walk you through all these emotions you have been trying to numb with alcohol. It will be difficult but worth your effort. You are worth so much more than living a life chasing the bottle.
I look forward to reading more posts from you in the future.
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