embarrassment...shame
 

i feel it for past posts here. i feel it so many days when i wake up & realize drunk emails i sent to sisters (but it's my real feelings i wouldn't express sober) i come from a family where "love you" was never ever said & no affection ever...

"Embarrassment is an emotional state of intense discomfort with oneself, experienced upon having a socially unacceptable act or condition witnessed by or revealed to others. Usually some amount of loss of honor or dignity is involved, but how much and the type depends on the embarrassing situation. It is similar to shame, except that shame may be experienced for an act known only to oneself. Also, embarrassment usually carries the connotation of being caused by an act that is merely socially unacceptable, rather than morally wrong"

all this & lack of sleep is gonna kill me!!

i want out of this hell :headbange

The best cure for embarrassment I've found is living the life we know we should lead Iam2antsy :)

The more good things I do in the present, the less I worry about the past - and the less people remember me the way I used to be :)

What are you doing for your recovery right now, today?

D

Most people on this forum can relate to you. I certainly can. I have so many cringe-worthy and embarrassing moments I wish I could take back. While I drinking on a daily basis, these moments were brushed aside as soon as I had my first drink of the day. I am sober now, but just now dealing with the shame, guilt, and embarrassment of events years ago. Recently, I stopped anti-depressants so I really have nothing holding back my true feelings. I been having trouble sleeping for a few weeks now. Out of nowhere, a memory from like 7 years will pop into my head and I will ruminate for hours about it.

I know that my brain is adapting to no alcohol and no medication, but in the meantime, I am wracked with guilt and suffering insomnia. 2:30am here and I am dead tired, but mind won't stop racing.

feel totally lost & have no clue - today

it's always something - yesterday (at this point - i rarely sleep) i wasn't going to drink! so on a good day take care of myself, use all my lotions & potions and :gaah i find some random odd knot on my leg & "paranoia will destroy ya"...and i worry what is it?? big fear cancer will kill me, so that ruined my good intention for the day :cries3:

i am ashamed of the mess i am...

sometimes its really the people that surround you are hard to please. But as others say your not here to please somebody but to be real on who you are.

We all have those embarrassing and cringy moments. I just put them behind me. Nothing else to do, why relive them over and over? it makes it worse. Just say, I never want to put myself or my loved ones in that position again. I went as far as blocking certain phone numbers, deleting email contacts, getting off of social media. I've made a few apologies. But I'm forgiving myself, if not you are doomed.

Maybe committing to some kind of regular recovery plan, and regular support network, will bring you some stability and the space from which to sort out the other stuff.

That's how it happened for me.

Randomly drinking, my life stayed more or less in chaos I'm afraid....

D

I agree with this. I have said and done some not so great things when I was using however those cannot and never will be erased. I cannot spend too much time thinking about stuff like that because it tends to regularly creep up and ruin my serenity.

I constantly have to remember those things I did are a thing of my past and I cannot make them disappear but I can continue to improve my life today.

Many times when those repressed memories pop up I remember that what I said or did in the past happened. I just need to move on and live for today. I constantly need to pinch myself with thoughts like this.

Hell I got this bright idea one day to drunk dial and apologize and or discuss with my cousins/aunts/uncles for some crazy and awkward memories from growing up. Am I proud of doing that? Heck no, but it happened.

What am I doing today?

Embarrassment is normal but pointless if we don't learn from it. I dont want to feel embarrassed anymore. So I'm doing what I can not to drink and face all that again.