missylou

I am almost a 62 yr old alcoholic woman. I have been drinking practically daily for 20 yrs. I drink 2 bottles of chardonnay a day, sometimes more, depends on when I start. I "retired" at 59 yrs old & that was a big mistake. It gave me too much time on my hands. I am also a big codependent who does a lot for my grandkids & kids. And then I get resentful & drink over it. I go back to work in August & honestly won't survive the work environment if I don't quit drinking by then. I have already been diagnosed with a fatty liver a year ago & I can feel pain on my right side & around to my back. I really should be in treatment but can't due to commitments & job coming up. I saw myself in a mirror yesterday & I look awful! I have gone to AA, but then the person that wants to be my sponsor is super religious, I can't handle the super religious at all. They want to close the phone call with a prayer & tell me to pray at night. I just want somebody to help me. It's clear I can't do this alone, I know that. How do I get help, I need it!

ScottFromWI

Hi missy. There are probably several things you could do or places you could seek help.

If you feel AA would work but your sponsor is not the type of person you feel comfortable with, you could try a different sponsor or different meetings. Not all sponsor/sponsee relationships work out and it's commonplace to start over.

Intensive outpatient treatment and/or counseling would be another optoion, even if you are doing AA.

Don't rule out detox either - it can be done in a period of a few days and would at least get you sober safely.

Posting and reading here on a regular basis is my recovery plan, so don't rule that out either.

Bottom line though, none of them ( or any I've forgotten ) will work unless you make the commitment and do the work. Recovery is all about you taking action. You mention that you can't do treatment because of other commitments - are those commitments really more important than getting sober? If you already have a fatty liver you could literally be taking about your life here that is on the line if you don't quit drinking.

breath

In AA WE GET TO CHOOSE what works, who works, how it works, it's not a culy, it's not dogma. It's nothing but people with a common problem getting together to help each other with that problem. Try another meeting, say thanks but no thanks....I do admit that Spirituality has helped me(not religon) and I found that THROUGH AA, not at AA. So OWN your program, your plan, don't let it own you. I could not have done sobriety alone and still can't after 3+ years clean, but I take from AA what I WANT and leave the rest.

EndGameNYC

I'm sorry to read about your situation, marylou. But if you don't take it seriously in terms of treatment then, as you already acknowledge, you'll have something else to fret over come August. You're not being in denial around this won't make the impending trauma any easier. And this is to say nothing of your health and other concerns.

It's time to stop.

doggonecarl

Good that you recognize you need help. But don't throw too many barriers in front of that help. Read ScottFromWI's post again. If your mental answer to any of his suggestions are, "Nope, cant' do that" you are limiting your chances for success.

Help is good. But the heavy lifting in recovery in your job. Good luck.

matt4x4

thats right a cancer patient would postpone chemotherapy for "other commitments" and a "job" AA is actually not religious, but some are and preach it, just find another sponsor one who actually follows the 12 steps and you have a great chance of success more then 75% chance of recovery. You need to go see the doctor, detox and go to rehab. You can not beat this on your own by "other commitments" and going back to a job. Alcoholism has nothing to do with anything else, other then yourself.

biminiblue

Make today your Day One, if you haven't already stopped.

Sponsors are not supposed to choose you, so find one who is less forceful. You don't have to have a sponsor right away, their primary function is to take you through the steps, and right now you just need to get some sober time.

You can do this. Just don't drink today. Do it again tomorrow. Decide that nothing and no one can change that. You just don't drink anymore.

Boudicca

Congratulations, Missy for finding the courage to post here. SR is a tremendous source of support and information. That said, you MUST concentrate on getting sober in real life. If you are uncomfortable with AA, could you find a counselor or therapist who could work with you one on one in a safe environment?

Fatty liver is not too be taken lightly. I'm sure your physician has explained to you the consequences if you continue to drink. Fatty liver is reversible, cirrhosis is NOT!

We want to help you help yourself. At your level of consumption it would be unwise to detox on your own.....perhaps you should put yourself first and take care of this issue instead of returning to work?
Please think about it......we want you to be around to enjoy your grandkids! Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing.

missylou

I appreciate everyone's comments & everyone is absolutely right! But, I need this job! I retired too early for one thing, the other is having a resource where I can use my brain, the social aspect & I have an excuse to say NO to my kids! I don't know my hours so out-patient treatment is not an option right now. Detox? I take my grandkids to baseball camp everyday. I feed them breakfast & lunch. I also have to take care of grandkids on Weds & Sundays. If anyone understands codependency, it is where you put everyone first except yourself. I am aware of this behavior due to a therapist, but just quite don't know how to fix it yet. I just got home after my "duties" & brought wine home with me. I want tomorrow to be day 1, so please stay with me here. I need you guys. I don't want this life.

ScottFromWI

If none of the options suggested are possible ( AA, detox, IOP, etc. ) what ARE you willing to do? We are here for you absolutely, but you will have to make Sobriety your #1 priority. Please consider the gravity of the physical risk you are taking by drinking at this level too with your current physical state. Liver disease can progress very rapidly and there is a very real possibility that you would not be able to work or take care of anyone.

biminiblue

Yeah. Don't drink that bottle of wine, pour it down the drain.

To be able to be there at all for your family you have to be alive. This bottle of wine is deadly.

Codependency is treatable. Liver failure is not.

zjw

I hate to say it but time to get selfish. You need your health and sobriety first and foremost. I had to be rather selfish in order to get sober it had to be all about me in the begining. It was very much me first for a good while. Some might not agree with that approach but it took everythign in me to focus on getting sober. Saying no to easier I was able to get more objective about when to say no and when to allow stuff to happen IE taking on some of what your taking on.

I had a tendancy to pile the load on my shoulders nice and heavy never said no to nothing then id' get burdened down big time and drink away the struggle. I had to put the stop to all that. Now little by little I allow certain things in. BABY steps is what it too me often i'd take on much much less just so i could gingerly ease into it. I still cant and wont handle the kinda load I once did.

Take it one step at a time. and one day at a time and if you have too 1 minute and 1 hour at a time.

gardendiva

Your children can find alternative child care for their children, that is their responsibility, not yours.

nancylee

If you don't take care of yourself and tell your children you need time, you may get so sick that you will no longer be able to care for them. I'm 52 and quit drinking 4 years ago, and alcohol affects us much more than other ages and men. It's hard on our bodies, nothing to fool around with. Your sobriety has to be the most important thing in the world for you. THEN you will succeed.

DragonInTheSky

These are quite simply a bunch of excuses not to get sober. The question you must ask yourself is do you want to live, or do you want to die? It seems to me that you want to live, so bite the bullet and do what you need to do to get yourself better.

least

There are lots of ways to get and stay sober. You just have to find or make your way and then work it like your life depends on it, cause it does!

fini

hi missylou,
yes, lots of ways to get and stay sober, but they all have one thing in common: don't drink!
you live in Colorado, and depending on where, in addition to AA you will have other choices re meetings, too.
but not pouring the booze down the throat is the number one common denominator.

you ask for help....what do you think will help you?

matt4x4

Sounds to me like codependancy and enabling issues as well.
A full buffet of what seems like unsolvable problems.
In actual fact, all these problems are solvable, simple to solve actually.
We all make excuses why we shouldnt get help, whats 20 or 30 days, or 45 days out of your life? Momma/Grandma is literally dying and no one can pick up the slack? absolutely no one?

DragonInTheSky

missylou...I am curious to know what you think about what has been said here. How are you feeling about the responses? Where are you at right now internally?

trez

Getting sober should be your number one priority. Even though you have other obligations, it sounds as if you are in an extremely dangerous position health-wise. Your life and your health are more important than a job or baseball practice.