I need help badly.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
lots to think about. it is July 15...your new employment begins in 2 weeks...you can start it sober. it will make your life a lot easier, believe me.
You have to start making positive changes like NOT bringing wine home, telling your kids, you can't do the breakfast and baseball camp shifts in the morning.
You are ILL, make an appointment with your primary doctor and tell them you need to detox at home. they will help you and monitor you...tell your kids to make alternate arrangements even for a week.
most of all (this is a big one for me), you have to stop making excuses why you drink too.
You have to start making positive changes like NOT bringing wine home, telling your kids, you can't do the breakfast and baseball camp shifts in the morning.
You are ILL, make an appointment with your primary doctor and tell them you need to detox at home. they will help you and monitor you...tell your kids to make alternate arrangements even for a week.
most of all (this is a big one for me), you have to stop making excuses why you drink too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
Dr. Phil poped in my head after reading your
share and said to myself, what would Dr. Phil
say? I use to watch him yrs ago and picked up
a few things from him that made sense to me.
Like one poster said and I echo what was shared
that sobriety should be top priority for without
that then you wont have anything else. If recovery,
sobriety, getting healthy is what you want then it's
time to make it ur top priority.
Dr. Phil would probably say that your own
kids should be responsible for their own kids
and not place them in ur hands. You have
already raised ur kids. You shouldn't have to
raise their kids.
If your kids are aware of your healthy, then
they should respect you and allow you to take
care of you and not put the responsibility of
taking care of their kids. They should step up
to the plate and allow you to live a healthier,
happier, life either in retirement or work.
And you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to
take of of you and ur health and not help
raised their kids.
This is your time in life where you should
be doing things for you and not be responsible
for raising other peoples kids even if they are
you your kids kids.
Im retired at 54 but also sober for 23 yrs.
I did the work thing, raised my kids and
worked on my recovery so that I can enjoy
a stress free life in recovery. To enjoy nature,
birds, and all the little things that absolutely
amaze me being sober in retirement.
You deserve that kind of life, free, peaceful,
serene, healthy, sober and happy.
Take time for you to get better even if
it means to stay in rehab to learn about
addiction and ways to live free from depending
on alcohol or poison that is slowly destroying
you. Rehab would be a gift for urself that you
will treasure and be grateful for in ur retirement
yrs.
I spent 28 days in rehab back in 1990 which
gave me a good start to get all those toxins
out of my body and begin to heal and learn
how to live life without alcohol a day at a time.
Learn how to stay sober first then the rest
will follow. Keep It Simple.
share and said to myself, what would Dr. Phil
say? I use to watch him yrs ago and picked up
a few things from him that made sense to me.
Like one poster said and I echo what was shared
that sobriety should be top priority for without
that then you wont have anything else. If recovery,
sobriety, getting healthy is what you want then it's
time to make it ur top priority.
Dr. Phil would probably say that your own
kids should be responsible for their own kids
and not place them in ur hands. You have
already raised ur kids. You shouldn't have to
raise their kids.
If your kids are aware of your healthy, then
they should respect you and allow you to take
care of you and not put the responsibility of
taking care of their kids. They should step up
to the plate and allow you to live a healthier,
happier, life either in retirement or work.
And you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to
take of of you and ur health and not help
raised their kids.
This is your time in life where you should
be doing things for you and not be responsible
for raising other peoples kids even if they are
you your kids kids.
Im retired at 54 but also sober for 23 yrs.
I did the work thing, raised my kids and
worked on my recovery so that I can enjoy
a stress free life in recovery. To enjoy nature,
birds, and all the little things that absolutely
amaze me being sober in retirement.
You deserve that kind of life, free, peaceful,
serene, healthy, sober and happy.
Take time for you to get better even if
it means to stay in rehab to learn about
addiction and ways to live free from depending
on alcohol or poison that is slowly destroying
you. Rehab would be a gift for urself that you
will treasure and be grateful for in ur retirement
yrs.
I spent 28 days in rehab back in 1990 which
gave me a good start to get all those toxins
out of my body and begin to heal and learn
how to live life without alcohol a day at a time.
Learn how to stay sober first then the rest
will follow. Keep It Simple.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Fandy nailed it. See your doctor. They can help you detox safely at home. You can probably get cleaned up enough in a weekend if you start on a Friday night. Then there are meds that will help you master the aftermath emotions and cravings. Heck, ice cream is enough for some people to fight the cravings.
I think you've got the perfect sponsor for you. That super-religious type will never be a target to whom you will transfer your co-dependency. Let 'em pray for you.
Sobriety = Abstinence. Abstinence is simply not drinking. You say you don't want to drink but your hindbrain, your primitive mind, says MORE BOOZE! WAHAHAHAHA! PARTY!
Tell it no. There is no reason that you have to drink. Exercise your rational mind and say no. The more you say no, the easier it will get.
I think you've got the perfect sponsor for you. That super-religious type will never be a target to whom you will transfer your co-dependency. Let 'em pray for you.
Sobriety = Abstinence. Abstinence is simply not drinking. You say you don't want to drink but your hindbrain, your primitive mind, says MORE BOOZE! WAHAHAHAHA! PARTY!
Tell it no. There is no reason that you have to drink. Exercise your rational mind and say no. The more you say no, the easier it will get.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,423
Tell your kids you are ill and you can no longer do their parenting job for them.
Get to the doctor, and put yourself at the head of the priority line.
If you don't, your own posting suggests you will be facing a physical and financial crisis.
Only you can stand up for you. Don't expect your kids to do the responsible thing
and take care of their own kids as long as they can get you to do it.
Please be your own advocate.
Get to the doctor, and put yourself at the head of the priority line.
If you don't, your own posting suggests you will be facing a physical and financial crisis.
Only you can stand up for you. Don't expect your kids to do the responsible thing
and take care of their own kids as long as they can get you to do it.
Please be your own advocate.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 66
I'm up after a lot of drinking yesterday. I can still feel it in my system, dry heaves this morning. I have read all your thoughts & agree with them. I have to leave now but will return with no wine. I can't think too well right now.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I'd highly recommend seeing your doctor Missylou. Withdrawals can not only be uncomfortable, but downright dangerous. Especially with your physical condition and the amount you've been drinking. Please be safe for yourself and those around you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 66
I am home now, no wine, baseball camp & grandkids are done for the day. I look & feel awful. I took a klonipin, I only had one in the bottle. I think I will be ok, but I drank 3 bottles of wine yesterday. I must put myself first for once & for all. I am scared for myself & I am glad I posted yesterday so I can read your responses when I need to. Day 1.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by missylou 
I am home now, no wine, baseball camp & grandkids are done for the day. I look & feel awful. I took a klonipin, I only had one in the bottle. I think I will be ok, but I drank 3 bottles of wine yesterday. I must put myself first for once & for all. I am scared for myself & I am glad I posted yesterday so I can read your responses when I need to. Day 1.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"I am also a big codependent who does a lot for my grandkids & kids. And then I get resentful & drink over it."
if that's the case you can remove this excuse:
Detox? I take my grandkids to baseball camp everyday.I feed them breakfast & lunch. I also have to take care of grandkids on Weds & Sundays
and put you first!
missylou, im gonna be harsh but the motives right:
if you truly honestly want to stop drinkin yer gonna have to stop the excuses. they helped get you to this point and they aint gonna help any more.
when I got sober, I dropped every friggin thing and put me first for one simple reason: if I didn't get help I was going to kill myself.
best move I made was to put me first and get help.
im wondering: ya say ya "drink 2 bottles of chardonnay a day, sometimes more, depends on when I start." are ya drinking before takin the youngens to baseball camp?
if that's the case you can remove this excuse:
Detox? I take my grandkids to baseball camp everyday.I feed them breakfast & lunch. I also have to take care of grandkids on Weds & Sundays
and put you first!
missylou, im gonna be harsh but the motives right:
if you truly honestly want to stop drinkin yer gonna have to stop the excuses. they helped get you to this point and they aint gonna help any more.
when I got sober, I dropped every friggin thing and put me first for one simple reason: if I didn't get help I was going to kill myself.
best move I made was to put me first and get help.
im wondering: ya say ya "drink 2 bottles of chardonnay a day, sometimes more, depends on when I start." are ya drinking before takin the youngens to baseball camp?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
" I am scared for myself "
I can relate to that. fear of the unknown.
one day. that's all we have and all we can work on. that day is today.
I hope ya decide to look into AA again. theres many more women in AA that can sponsor.
I can relate to that. fear of the unknown.
one day. that's all we have and all we can work on. that day is today.
I hope ya decide to look into AA again. theres many more women in AA that can sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,423
good luck on day 1
this would be a good time to tell parents they will need to make arrangement for their own children next week.
I would not "negotiate" this--you may have to get honest and say you've been drinking too much, feel way too much pressure, and need to get sober before the job starts.
Sometimes you need to put light on things to clear the air.
I really hope you feel better today. Hangovers are a bitch.
this would be a good time to tell parents they will need to make arrangement for their own children next week.
I would not "negotiate" this--you may have to get honest and say you've been drinking too much, feel way too much pressure, and need to get sober before the job starts.
Sometimes you need to put light on things to clear the air.
I really hope you feel better today. Hangovers are a bitch.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Marylou,
have you heard of Rational Recovery and AVRT? AVRT is Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. it might be helpful for you. It helped me lots. AA is good too, for support and repairing our lives, but AVRT and RR is what really keeps me sober.
Here's a link you might find helpful. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
Love from Lenina
have you heard of Rational Recovery and AVRT? AVRT is Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. it might be helpful for you. It helped me lots. AA is good too, for support and repairing our lives, but AVRT and RR is what really keeps me sober.
Here's a link you might find helpful. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 15
You don't have to tell your kids everything. Just that you're sick and need a couple of weeks in bed to recover. That's plenty of time to get detoxed and start on your way to sober., don't you think they'd be horrified if they thought that their childcare needs we're causing their mother to contract a fatal illness? That's what untreated alcoholism is.
My mother is your age, and I ask her to help occasionally, but I would - and do - put her health over my kids childcare needs in a heartbeat.
And I agree with everyone else, if you're drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a night, then you do need to talk to a doctor. Detoxing alone might not be safe.
Stick with us and keep checking in.
My mother is your age, and I ask her to help occasionally, but I would - and do - put her health over my kids childcare needs in a heartbeat.
And I agree with everyone else, if you're drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a night, then you do need to talk to a doctor. Detoxing alone might not be safe.
Stick with us and keep checking in.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 66
Thanks again for you guys taking the time out to help a perfect stranger. There are reasons I can't stop the care of my grandkids, legal problem with my son. I have actually been thru some really rough times in the last few years. Another excuse I suppose. Baseball camp ends next Weds & I have asked my daughter to help with the Weds & Sundays when I go back to work. I see a therapist today. I slept well but woke with night sweats & runs. I just did a major move from a 2200' house to a 900' apt and I am still trying to get those things done as well. I will work on getting to meetings & putting myself first & taking care of myself. It is a must!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 66
Well I made it 6 days, and started drinking again last Sunday over some family drama. I have been drinking ever since. I am ashamed of myself. I didn't get to any meetings, partly because I don't like them & try to handle everything myself. I mean good grief....you would think the damage I do to myself would be enough!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I had to accept that I couldn't help myself missylou - when you're down a well you need help to get out - there's nothing else for it.
Let someone throw down a rope to you - end this madness
D
Let someone throw down a rope to you - end this madness
D
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 234
Come back and talk to us missylou. We care about you. Let that sink in. You have taken on a lot of responsibilities to help your family but you can't help others until you take care of yourself. I can't imagine that you could be that great of a grandmother if you are drinking 2 bottles of wine a day. Are you drinking around the kids? Are you driving drunk? Do your kids have an idea how much you drink? I'll bet they do, but they still leave their kids with you? Tell them you need a few days off and take care of yourself. Please.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey missylou, with all the best intentions in the world, I couldn't do it on my own, sadly the damage to ourselves isn't enough for many, instead I needed support, meetings may be off the table, but what is on the table?
No support got you through 16 Days on your own sheer will power, but it wasn't enough, so it's time to change up the plan to produce different results!!
You can do this!!
No support got you through 16 Days on your own sheer will power, but it wasn't enough, so it's time to change up the plan to produce different results!!
You can do this!!
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