Originally Posted by ImperfectlyMe

In some regards yes our relationship has improved, thanks for asking. I realized I have been holding so much resentment inside toward him for taking the option of drinking off the table. I've built a wall between he and I because if I'm honest I hated him for taking away the only thing in my life that had offered me a little escape, (alcohol). It was easy to paint him the villain make it all his fault after all I've felt that in many regards my life is all about restriction and he is the enforcer. I've come to question how much of this is his doing vs. how much I perceive it to be. I've completely absolved him of owning my sobriety. Truth is yes he demanded it initially, however it was truly done with love and fear. Do we still have a huge wall to break down, absolutely. But the first step on my end has been made. I choose to no longer carry the deep hatred I was feeling for not "allowing" me to drink. I believe the old me with all her self loathing taught him how to treat me like his property. In the last 10 months I've found the true me and I love her. And not enough is no longer acceptable. Change is slow here but I've got 2 options. It is my hope that we can turn things around. I know though that I can not change how he acts, my only leg is to change how I react. And I have. I've never been one to engage in a fight I check out mentally because you can stab me with the cruelest meanest words and they'd still never touch the self slaughter I spoke internally. I don't do that anymore and it's no longer ok for others to. I know he's scared I'm slipping through his fingers, I can see it in his eyes. It's his volley now, so time will tell.