Talk to me...
July 4, 2014
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 97
Talk to me...
I am not sure how to go about writing this. Perhaps taking a bit of time to really get my thoughts out wouldn't be a bad idea. However, writing always helps me dig at things and really untangle what seems jumbled.
I quit alcohol and smoking on July 4th. This weekend has gone smoother than I thought. I am an avid gardener and love working in my yard. There is, in my opinion, something holistic about it. Usually though, in the past, I would be pruning or weeding or what-have-you and I'd have a few beers here and there. So, though it was healthy, I think it was just a priming session before really getting down to business. Yesterday and today have been lovely; working sober, without a hangover from the night before, a lovely summer day. What ore could one ask for? Though, I keep getting these twinges of annoyance. Anger is too strong a word. Maybe it is because I am stepping away from my routine of drinking on my days off... maybe I am still pulling away from the iron-grip of nicotine. I am not entirely sure.
Maybe it is too early to tell, but I fear the "dry drunk" syndrome. In the past, when I have quit for several months, I would be quite angry at times. It wasn't lashing out at someone or anything violent, but the thoughts brewing in my head were quite off putting, cyclical, pessimistic, etc.. I'd start drinking again for various reasons (excuses) and I'd notice that the anger subsided a bit... though, I'd feel guilty about the way I was treating my body, or things I said/did while drinking, etc.!
I am glad I am sober! End of story! What I am writing about, or trying to get at, is what others did (do) to replace the drink. God or something spiritual? Hobbies? AA or other such meetings?
I play guitar, write, hike, cook. I have done these things sober or drunk. I enjoy them, as mentioned above, much more while sober! I just DON'T want to get into the cyclical, angry thoughts that leave me exhausted and sad!
Thank you all in advance!
I quit alcohol and smoking on July 4th. This weekend has gone smoother than I thought. I am an avid gardener and love working in my yard. There is, in my opinion, something holistic about it. Usually though, in the past, I would be pruning or weeding or what-have-you and I'd have a few beers here and there. So, though it was healthy, I think it was just a priming session before really getting down to business. Yesterday and today have been lovely; working sober, without a hangover from the night before, a lovely summer day. What ore could one ask for? Though, I keep getting these twinges of annoyance. Anger is too strong a word. Maybe it is because I am stepping away from my routine of drinking on my days off... maybe I am still pulling away from the iron-grip of nicotine. I am not entirely sure.
Maybe it is too early to tell, but I fear the "dry drunk" syndrome. In the past, when I have quit for several months, I would be quite angry at times. It wasn't lashing out at someone or anything violent, but the thoughts brewing in my head were quite off putting, cyclical, pessimistic, etc.. I'd start drinking again for various reasons (excuses) and I'd notice that the anger subsided a bit... though, I'd feel guilty about the way I was treating my body, or things I said/did while drinking, etc.!
I am glad I am sober! End of story! What I am writing about, or trying to get at, is what others did (do) to replace the drink. God or something spiritual? Hobbies? AA or other such meetings?
I play guitar, write, hike, cook. I have done these things sober or drunk. I enjoy them, as mentioned above, much more while sober! I just DON'T want to get into the cyclical, angry thoughts that leave me exhausted and sad!
Thank you all in advance!
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Where before, you tamped emotions down with alcohol and nicotene, now you have to learn to tamp them down consciously. Practice and patience. Try to step outside the emotion and examine it. "What's that all about? Where did it come from? Is it appropriate?"
July 4, 2014
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 97
Originally Posted by trachemys 
Where before, you tamped emotions down with alcohol and nicotene, now you have to learn to tamp them down consciously. Practice and patience. Try to step outside the emotion and examine it. "What's that all about? Where did it come from? Is it appropriate?"
Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 120
Just want to echo what trachemys said - quitting drinking has been a very emotional thing for me. I have had to face up to my own emotions without retreating into a bottle. That said, I've been dealing with mental illness as well so perhaps my situation is not directly analogous to yours, but I think it's at least similar. It's been tough, but I'm slowly learning to control my feelings and ride out the occasional burst of anger.
Add quitting smoking to that and I can see why you'd be on edge. I've been vacillating between "I'm quitting smoking!" and "**** that, give me that cigarette" and quitting makes me incredibly grumpy. Have you tried something like the patch or nicotine gum? I found that it removed some of my "urge to kill" that came up when I was withdrawing from nicotine.
Add quitting smoking to that and I can see why you'd be on edge. I've been vacillating between "I'm quitting smoking!" and "**** that, give me that cigarette" and quitting makes me incredibly grumpy. Have you tried something like the patch or nicotine gum? I found that it removed some of my "urge to kill" that came up when I was withdrawing from nicotine.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
One of the things AA is all about is helping with the guilt,or things we did while drinking. It is a fact that dwelling on them can drive us back to drinking.
AA is not perfect,but it was created by people with drinking problems. They knew the reasons people started drinking again.
I myself drank for over 30 years,and when I quit there was a huge empty spot. I needed something to fill in the space and keep me out of trouble.
AA is one of the many things that helped me succeed. I took what I needed from AA and left the rest. I didn't exactly play by their rules,but I went out of my way to try not to tell them their way was wrong either.
And yes I do have a hobby to keep my busy. I love to build and fly radio controlled airplanes. I did it when i used to drink also. But when I used to drink,I would screw up building them on weekday evenings. Then have to try to fix what I screwed up on a weekend during the day when I was sober. But that was also not only limited to my hobby. I spent a lot of time trying to fix the general things in life I did when i was drunk when I was sober.
I wonder where I might be in life,if I hadn't wasted so much energy doing things over because I was drunk. Or just didn't do them because i knew i was to drunk to do them.
Life really is soooo much better sober.
Fred
AA is not perfect,but it was created by people with drinking problems. They knew the reasons people started drinking again.
I myself drank for over 30 years,and when I quit there was a huge empty spot. I needed something to fill in the space and keep me out of trouble.
AA is one of the many things that helped me succeed. I took what I needed from AA and left the rest. I didn't exactly play by their rules,but I went out of my way to try not to tell them their way was wrong either.
And yes I do have a hobby to keep my busy. I love to build and fly radio controlled airplanes. I did it when i used to drink also. But when I used to drink,I would screw up building them on weekday evenings. Then have to try to fix what I screwed up on a weekend during the day when I was sober. But that was also not only limited to my hobby. I spent a lot of time trying to fix the general things in life I did when i was drunk when I was sober.
I wonder where I might be in life,if I hadn't wasted so much energy doing things over because I was drunk. Or just didn't do them because i knew i was to drunk to do them.
Life really is soooo much better sober.
Fred
July 4, 2014
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 97
NewestDork, thanks for your thoughts! I have some nicotine gum, low mg. but it helps now and then. I might try an electronic cigarette... maybe more satisfying?
I think that's a good point about allowing oneself the space to ride out the burst of anger. I often get caught up in them (or the thoughts as mentioned) and this is usually more destructive. Just breathing and letting it pass.
Nevertheless, thanks to you well! There is, as with everyone, a massive whole where drinking once resided. It is so evident when its not there! Gosh! I think your juxtaposition of model planes and your life, the construction and destruction therein, is very poetic - re-building sober that which was poorly constructed when drunk. I agree Fred, life is better sober!
I think that's a good point about allowing oneself the space to ride out the burst of anger. I often get caught up in them (or the thoughts as mentioned) and this is usually more destructive. Just breathing and letting it pass.
Nevertheless, thanks to you well! There is, as with everyone, a massive whole where drinking once resided. It is so evident when its not there! Gosh! I think your juxtaposition of model planes and your life, the construction and destruction therein, is very poetic - re-building sober that which was poorly constructed when drunk. I agree Fred, life is better sober!
30yrdrunk
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 89
I will have 7 months in a few days. It's the longest I've gone in 30 yrs. I needed time to break the grip alcohol had on my life. I have some triggers here and there however I am now content. Feels good to feel good all the time!
30yrdrunk
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 89
[QUOTE="inthekeyofg;4777795"]Wow, 30yrdrunk, amazing! I bet it feels good to feel good! So, the triggers tapered off and you progressed and the distance between you and alcohol became greater?[/QUOTE
With every passing day. I am building a new identity as a responsible husband, father, brother and friend. Drinking was always a dark cloud hanging over me. I had a horrible incident in December which started as my main motivation for quitting. This was one of many regrettable actions I took when under the influence over many years of binge drinking. I also was depressed and blamed other things in my life for the depression. Also realized that a night of heavy drinking caused me several days and nights of anxiety, depression and illness. The good times with drinking had ended. Putting all of these things together changed my perspective on drinking.
Here are few things that helped me. I joined SR and read a lot and trusted those with experience with sobriety. The main message was to give it time. Don't expect things to change over night. I also learned to try and live in the present and not worry about the future. What good was worrying doing me? I told people I had decided to quit. If they wanted more info. on the reasons why I gave them the reasons. I went to social functions armed with plenty of non-alcoholic beverages. The first few were tough but I was damn proud of myself, not to mention I was able to drive my wife home safely. As the days piled up I felt better and better and I believe my life will continue to improve all I have to do is not drink.
A couple of things I read to help. The Big Book. I also got a lot from 'Kick the Drink Easily' by Jason Vale.
Stay healthy Key of G.
TC
With every passing day. I am building a new identity as a responsible husband, father, brother and friend. Drinking was always a dark cloud hanging over me. I had a horrible incident in December which started as my main motivation for quitting. This was one of many regrettable actions I took when under the influence over many years of binge drinking. I also was depressed and blamed other things in my life for the depression. Also realized that a night of heavy drinking caused me several days and nights of anxiety, depression and illness. The good times with drinking had ended. Putting all of these things together changed my perspective on drinking.
Here are few things that helped me. I joined SR and read a lot and trusted those with experience with sobriety. The main message was to give it time. Don't expect things to change over night. I also learned to try and live in the present and not worry about the future. What good was worrying doing me? I told people I had decided to quit. If they wanted more info. on the reasons why I gave them the reasons. I went to social functions armed with plenty of non-alcoholic beverages. The first few were tough but I was damn proud of myself, not to mention I was able to drive my wife home safely. As the days piled up I felt better and better and I believe my life will continue to improve all I have to do is not drink.
A couple of things I read to help. The Big Book. I also got a lot from 'Kick the Drink Easily' by Jason Vale.
Stay healthy Key of G.
TC
July 4, 2014
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 97
Thank you for the reply, TC! It sounds like you're on a such a beautiful path of self realization, fulfillment, recovery, etc.!
I agree as I'm sure everyone here does; it will get better and the only thing to do is NOT drink.
Thank you again!
I agree as I'm sure everyone here does; it will get better and the only thing to do is NOT drink.
Thank you again!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
Getting sober and recovering aren't the same thing to me.
I had to deal with emotions I had been suppressing for most of my life
around my early family issues, including a very toxic alcoholic mother.
So for me, quitting drinking was just the first step.
I had to process and release a lot of things.
Maybe you have some work to do there, which is beginning to surface?
Be patient and kind to yourself as you see things come up.
It's OK to be angry and sad, and to fully feel these things.
I didn't realize that for a very long time.
Great job on your sobriety
I had to deal with emotions I had been suppressing for most of my life
around my early family issues, including a very toxic alcoholic mother.
So for me, quitting drinking was just the first step.
I had to process and release a lot of things.
Maybe you have some work to do there, which is beginning to surface?
Be patient and kind to yourself as you see things come up.
It's OK to be angry and sad, and to fully feel these things.
I didn't realize that for a very long time.
Great job on your sobriety
July 4, 2014
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 97
Hawkeye, thank you! I feel & understand you, trust me. Some things, especially around/with families, are almost blindly accepted. It takes serious courage to look at a situation, one that has been revolving around you your entire life, and say "wait a minute here... is this normal/healthy/right?" Good on ya, friend!
"Be patient and kind to yourself as you see things come up.
It's OK to be angry and sad, and to fully feel these things."
I love this, Hawkeye! I am starting, bit by bit, to just allow myself to feel; to not judge a thought or emotion, to let it be and wash me and let it go &/or let it teach me.
"Be patient and kind to yourself as you see things come up.
It's OK to be angry and sad, and to fully feel these things."
I love this, Hawkeye! I am starting, bit by bit, to just allow myself to feel; to not judge a thought or emotion, to let it be and wash me and let it go &/or let it teach me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Brooklyn, ny
Posts: 734
G - you have a wonderful attitude and that will help you greatly on this journey. Stick with it, do whatever you have to. Selfishly guard it. You've already said it, don't get too high or too low, don't be afraid of your emotions... Just remember how new you are to recovery (there will be highs and lows for sure). When it gets hard, it's like the weather, give it some time, wait it out (in bed under the covers if necessary), get to a meeting, SR, and have faith, it will change. Happy for you!
July 4, 2014
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 97
Thank you, Tip!
The other day I was having one of those times. Decided to just prune my rhododendrons. It was for them, as for me, cleansing. We are, in some ways, like rhodis, we allow a lot of deadwood to be hidden ever so cleverly under the green exterior. Gotta let the light in to grow! Alcohol was my deadwood; I had my consumption so perfectly hidden. I maintained my life so I could show my green exterior; healthy eating, exercise, keeping my mind heathy via education etc. But I knew the green was only superficial as I could feel the deadwood (booze) taking their toll on my inner world.
Gotta let that light in!
The other day I was having one of those times. Decided to just prune my rhododendrons. It was for them, as for me, cleansing. We are, in some ways, like rhodis, we allow a lot of deadwood to be hidden ever so cleverly under the green exterior. Gotta let the light in to grow! Alcohol was my deadwood; I had my consumption so perfectly hidden. I maintained my life so I could show my green exterior; healthy eating, exercise, keeping my mind heathy via education etc. But I knew the green was only superficial as I could feel the deadwood (booze) taking their toll on my inner world.
Gotta let that light in!
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