Jupiters

yup. I could have written that exact list myself.

welcome and stick around for a bit

Johno1967

That point at which you consciously become aware that you no longer have control over alcohol is what I mean. You watch yourself lying, hiding, becoming full of fear but there is nothing you can do about it. The choice has been taken away. The merry-go round is the grand game of getting drunk, going through the pain and consequences, pausing for a day, a week or a month and then doing it all over again. Repeating the insanity over an over and watching your sanity and hope slip away.

Arbor

I agree with most of what was said here. Especially the alcoholic label. Don't get too caught up in that word. I found myself struggling with that (still do) label. If it's causing problems then you have to do something about it. I'm around the same age as you are and I'm glad we see the writing on the wall already. Good luck!

flutter

I see a ton of red flags in your description of your drinking. If you do nothing else, please stop drinking and driving, hon!! If you feel that you 'can't' stop, (we've all mostly felt that way), there is help out there.. counseling, rehab, group programs, you name it. But first you have to want it, and I totally understand what a difficult place that can be.

As for the BF, he drinks a ton. I hate labels so I wont call him an alcoholic, but I do know I couldn't be friends with or in a relationship with someone that drank that much. That's totally for you to decide, he may or may not ever quit drinking. Are you ok with how he is now? That's the only thing right now that you can decide.

Hugs to you, I totally know how scary this is.

Grungehead

I can't really add much to what everyone else has said, but here's a test you and/or your boyfriend can try to see how you do. For the next 3 months limit your intake to between 1-3 drinks for the entire day and NEVER surpass that amount regardless of the occasion. I think my record was like 3 days.

Edit* I am guilty of reading a few posts and then going straight to posting my response. I'm glad that you are giving sobriety a go and wish you well on your new journey. I will leave this up just in case it might help someone else that is questioning whether or not they might have a problem. Alcoholics will fail this test most of the time -- for me it was easier to just not drink anything than to control how many I drank. Once I had the first drink all bets were off on how many I would end up drinking.

Soberwolf

Rebumped thread for inspiration

Mambamama

Cool!

Well, I'll post an update then. I've been sober since the day (before) I wrote this post. July 11 was my last drinking day. I feel better than I have in years. I have read some books about alcoholism and thought a lot about the reasons I drink/drank.

I'm not sure I will go back to drinking. I am not sure I would't be able to moderate, but I'm not sure I would be, and I'm happy right now. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I have been to a few AA meetings but I travel a lot so I've not been to my local ones that much.

The cravings were bad the first two weeks and have mostly subsided. I LOVE getting up without a hangover and knowing that I can get up as early as I want and will feel good

I haven't seen my boyfriend since July 4th. Our relationship may be fizzling for other reasons. It's been OK socially to not drink. Love not spending $$ on alcohol. Also, I am amused/surprised at how silly people look when they are totally trashed and also kind of saddened at how much some people that I know drink.

Everything's good so far!

gaffo

Great job, Mambamama. I totally agree with you about loving no hangovers and having more money!

dwtbd

Great update, so nice hear/see someone taking the bull by the horns and sound so good, you are the man ,girl

Arbor

Fantastic update! You said the first two weeks you had bad cravings. How did you deal with them?

Mambamama

My "witching hour" is typically 4:00-7:00 pm. Happy Hour. (I never liked to drink very late, so once a certain time passed, it was too late to start.) Here's what I did:

*I went to meetings during those times. They were safe places I could say "I'm having cravings."
*I have a friend who I randomly bumped into at a meeting! Who knew. We texted each other a lot, and I could text when I had cravings. We have the same sobriety date.
*I drank/drink non-alcoholic, non-water beverages. Diet root beer out of a bottle seemed to do something for me psychologically.
*I have a couple good friends who knew what I was doing so I would call them when I was struggling.
*I would make non-drinking plans during that time. Things where alcohol wasn't a possibility, and by the time I was done, it was too late to drink and/or the craving had passed.

I still want to drink sometimes. It's just not a strong craving like it was. One day I just realized I'd been released from it.

And I will also say this: I thought about it and the reasons I came up with for drinking are the following: I drink to have fun (boredom), It makes me feel rebellious, which I'm NOT, (self-loathing), and I drink to drown out the fact that some of the relationships in my life are unfulfilling without alcohol (escaping). That's been food for thought for me.