Scared to go to AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Montréal
Posts: 2
Scared to go to AA
Hey everyone.
So, I'm new to sobriety after 10+ years of everyday drinking,with the exception of my two pregnancies. At first I was a serious wino. Minimum 1-2 bottles a night. Last summer
summer my husband called me out on my drinking and insisted I stop. So I did.... for about a week, until I found this amazing hiding spot in our bathroom closet. At this point, I decided I would try just taking a few shots of vodka a night. That turned into A whole Mickey and then I found myself hoarding fifths of vodka and drinking at 1-2 in the afternoon. I knew I had a problem but figured it wasn't a problem because no one knew except my best friend. Last week, I bought myself my usual 750ml of "V" and about 3 big swings in, I blacked out and can't remember anything. I woke up the next.morning with a busted up knee and a huge bruise on my head and no idea how or what had happened. Well my best friend came over in a rage and insisted I tell my husband and family about my drinking and get help because apparently my 125lbs self had managed to finish the entire fifth of vodka in under 3 hours. I then proceeded to walk (or stumble, I'm not sure) to the store where I bought a bottle of 13% Australian red wine. After finishing that, I tried to get up to go inside and tripped over myself and fell into the stairs. Had my husband not caught me I'd have apparently broken my teeth. Ayways, I feel like I'm rambling so I'll get to the point, now that my problem is out in the open so to speak, I honestly want to go to a meeting but I'm so scared to go. I'm scared other people may recognize me and judge me or... I'm really not sure what scares me so much. Has anyone else felt this way? Advice? Hopefully my novel didn't lose anyone. For those of you still reading thank you ☺
So, I'm new to sobriety after 10+ years of everyday drinking,with the exception of my two pregnancies. At first I was a serious wino. Minimum 1-2 bottles a night. Last summer
summer my husband called me out on my drinking and insisted I stop. So I did.... for about a week, until I found this amazing hiding spot in our bathroom closet. At this point, I decided I would try just taking a few shots of vodka a night. That turned into A whole Mickey and then I found myself hoarding fifths of vodka and drinking at 1-2 in the afternoon. I knew I had a problem but figured it wasn't a problem because no one knew except my best friend. Last week, I bought myself my usual 750ml of "V" and about 3 big swings in, I blacked out and can't remember anything. I woke up the next.morning with a busted up knee and a huge bruise on my head and no idea how or what had happened. Well my best friend came over in a rage and insisted I tell my husband and family about my drinking and get help because apparently my 125lbs self had managed to finish the entire fifth of vodka in under 3 hours. I then proceeded to walk (or stumble, I'm not sure) to the store where I bought a bottle of 13% Australian red wine. After finishing that, I tried to get up to go inside and tripped over myself and fell into the stairs. Had my husband not caught me I'd have apparently broken my teeth. Ayways, I feel like I'm rambling so I'll get to the point, now that my problem is out in the open so to speak, I honestly want to go to a meeting but I'm so scared to go. I'm scared other people may recognize me and judge me or... I'm really not sure what scares me so much. Has anyone else felt this way? Advice? Hopefully my novel didn't lose anyone. For those of you still reading thank you ☺
Last edited by myscookie; 07-11-2014 at 06:41 AM. Reason: typo
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
A less frightening way can be to call the AA hotline in your area and ask for a ride. An AA member can pick you up and take you to a meeting. What is nice about that is you can chat about what to expect, get some pointers, and not walk into the meeting alone. Having someone to sit with feels more secure, too. Plus you can get some good intel about getting a sponsor and stuff like that.
Glad you are here.
Glad you are here.
Welcome to SR. Hope we can ease your fears.
Seems a lot of folks are afraid to go to AA...for as many reasons as you can think of. Very common. Frankly, none of the reasons hold water.
You are drinking to blackout and injuring yourself. THAT should frighten you. Not something that could possibly help you. So it's your addiction that is afraid. Afraid you'll quit drinking.
Seems a lot of folks are afraid to go to AA...for as many reasons as you can think of. Very common. Frankly, none of the reasons hold water.
You are drinking to blackout and injuring yourself. THAT should frighten you. Not something that could possibly help you. So it's your addiction that is afraid. Afraid you'll quit drinking.
Welcome to SR. Congratulations on your decision to live a sober life.
Imagine it is 15 years into the future and one of your children told you that story about their own drinking. They hid their drinking, they blacked out, stumbled around town to get more liquor, and injured themselves. Then they told you they were afraid to go someplace where they might get help. What advice would you give them?
Take your own advice. If it's good enough for them, it's good enough for you.
Imagine it is 15 years into the future and one of your children told you that story about their own drinking. They hid their drinking, they blacked out, stumbled around town to get more liquor, and injured themselves. Then they told you they were afraid to go someplace where they might get help. What advice would you give them?
Take your own advice. If it's good enough for them, it's good enough for you.
Hi myscookie, welcome to SR! I know exactly how you feel. The first time I went to an AA meeting I was terrified. The only reason I was able to go through with it was because my therapist had been annoyingly insistent about it. There were a couple of times I drove to the parking lot and never went in because it just felt too overwhelming. One thing I can reassure you is that no one will be judging you; they won't be because they are there for the same exact reason you're there. I can't guarantee that no one will recognize you, but I've never ran into that problem. Something that scared me was that I thought I would have to talk or say that I'm an alcoholic. If that's a concern you have, know that you can abstain from talking and just be an observer. Good luck!
At my first meeting, I was scared that I would see no one like myself.
At my second meeting, I was scared that I would see someone exactly like myself.
By my third meeting I was scared I would see too many people exactly like myself.
At my second meeting, I was scared that I would see someone exactly like myself.
By my third meeting I was scared I would see too many people exactly like myself.
Don't be afraid. Who cares if someone recognizes you, would you mind if they saw you at a bar smashed? I probably wouldn't have! lol. Just relax and remember everybody who is in that room is there for the same reason.
The absolute last place you're going to be judged is in an AA meeting. The people there have been through what you've been through and understand in a way that most non-alcoholics just can't.
I was scared to go to AA for the first time too - the only reason I actually went, despite having considered it for years, was that I drunkenly told my wife I wanted to go the night before and she hauled my hungover butt out of bed and dragged me there. I'm VERY happy that I went - by the time the meeting was done, I was already looking forward to the next one.
Again, people there understand what you're dealing with and are extremely welcoming. If you are recognized there (which is unlikely), so what? Do you really think another AA member is going to shout it from the rooftops? The second A in AA deals with this concern - it's an ANONYMOUS group, and what is said there, stays there. Really, it does.
Please give it a chance. It has helped me immensely. It's hard to get up the nerve to go the first time, but once you have, you'll wonder why you were so afraid to go.
I was scared to go to AA for the first time too - the only reason I actually went, despite having considered it for years, was that I drunkenly told my wife I wanted to go the night before and she hauled my hungover butt out of bed and dragged me there. I'm VERY happy that I went - by the time the meeting was done, I was already looking forward to the next one.
Again, people there understand what you're dealing with and are extremely welcoming. If you are recognized there (which is unlikely), so what? Do you really think another AA member is going to shout it from the rooftops? The second A in AA deals with this concern - it's an ANONYMOUS group, and what is said there, stays there. Really, it does.
Please give it a chance. It has helped me immensely. It's hard to get up the nerve to go the first time, but once you have, you'll wonder why you were so afraid to go.
The notion of going to an AA meeting did not inspire a lot of enthusiasm in me, but the treatment center I went to seemed to think AA represented my best chance of recovery (okay, to be honest, it was the only thing they tried to teach us (which itself was like herding cats)).
Now I go to meetings wherever I happen to be an meet really fine folks everywhere.
From what you shared of your story, I think you are in the right place.
The late stages of my drinking was pretty ugly also.
Now I go to meetings wherever I happen to be an meet really fine folks everywhere.
From what you shared of your story, I think you are in the right place.
The late stages of my drinking was pretty ugly also.
I always think, what do people expect when they join SR? do people expect judgement or a welcoming place, I know after some time most probably realise we're not a scary bunch!!
AA are full of the same people surely? everyone has an addiction and trying to sort it out, but I do realise face to face can be more daunting, but surely with no more judgment than here!!
AA are full of the same people surely? everyone has an addiction and trying to sort it out, but I do realise face to face can be more daunting, but surely with no more judgment than here!!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
When I first went to meetings, I was too busy sizing up the others Thinking to myself... omg, that person is NUTS, or wow I hope I never end up THAT bad... and silently wishing and hoping that I just did NOT belong in that kind of place Now, this is all after having an alcoholic mother carry me with her to AA meetings for years as a kid! And I certainly have always thought I was never as bad off as my mother. So it was a hard pill to swallow.
I really think that in AA meetings, the new ones are probably wanting not to be so bad off that they can actually relate to the AA oldtimers in the room, because that confirms they're alcoholics. The oldtimers aren't going to be judging, because they've already accepted what they are and are dealing with it. The only ones judging are probably the newbies I remember glancing around the room to see the new ones doing the same... scanning the room in fear or paranoia. The oldies were calm and collected, relaxed and just letting things happen.
And if anyone in there recognizes you... well, what on earth are they sitting there for? They are in AA just like you, same problems.
I really think that in AA meetings, the new ones are probably wanting not to be so bad off that they can actually relate to the AA oldtimers in the room, because that confirms they're alcoholics. The oldtimers aren't going to be judging, because they've already accepted what they are and are dealing with it. The only ones judging are probably the newbies I remember glancing around the room to see the new ones doing the same... scanning the room in fear or paranoia. The oldies were calm and collected, relaxed and just letting things happen.
And if anyone in there recognizes you... well, what on earth are they sitting there for? They are in AA just like you, same problems.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 188
Hi Cookie,
I don't know anyone who wasn't scared, lost, and feeling completely overwhelmed and frightened by thinking of attending their first AA meeting.
I know I sure did, and I also know that it was the best thing that I ever did, bar none!
Here is the good news Those rooms of AA are filled with people just like you, they have been where you are at, they know exactly how you feel and they will reach out and welcome you with open arms. They are You And if someone is there that you recognize, Great....they are there for the same reason you are.
I think someone already mentioned calling Alcoholics Anonymous and getting a ride to the AA meeting, thats a great idea!
Welcome Home Cookie, its so nice that you are here and hopefully attending an AA meeting soon.
I don't know anyone who wasn't scared, lost, and feeling completely overwhelmed and frightened by thinking of attending their first AA meeting.
I know I sure did, and I also know that it was the best thing that I ever did, bar none!
Here is the good news Those rooms of AA are filled with people just like you, they have been where you are at, they know exactly how you feel and they will reach out and welcome you with open arms. They are You And if someone is there that you recognize, Great....they are there for the same reason you are.
I think someone already mentioned calling Alcoholics Anonymous and getting a ride to the AA meeting, thats a great idea!
Welcome Home Cookie, its so nice that you are here and hopefully attending an AA meeting soon.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Nor Cal
Posts: 37
Well said. This is how I felt in the begining too. I've been on and off for a year though, and having recently restarted I still feel nervous about going. Try and talk to people, it makes it a lot easier when you come back and see familiar faces.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Hey everyone.
So, I'm new to sobriety after 10+ years of everyday drinking,with the exception of my two pregnancies. At first I was a serious wino. Minimum 1-2 bottles a night. Last summer
summer my husband called me out on my drinking and insisted I stop. So I did.... for about a week, until I found this amazing hiding spot in our bathroom closet. At this point, I decided I would try just taking a few shots of vodka a night. That turned into A whole Mickey and then I found myself hoarding fifths of vodka and drinking at 1-2 in the afternoon. I knew I had a problem but figured it wasn't a problem because no one knew except my best friend. Last week, I bought myself my usual 750ml of "V" and about 3 big swings in, I blacked out and can't remember anything. I woke up the next.morning with a busted up knee and a huge bruise on my head and no idea how or what had happened. Well my best friend came over in a rage and insisted I tell my husband and family about my drinking and get help because apparently my 125lbs self had managed to finish the entire fifth of vodka in under 3 hours. I then proceeded to walk (or stumble, I'm not sure) to the store where I bought a bottle of 13% Australian red wine. After finishing that, I tried to get up to go inside and tripped over myself and fell into the stairs. Had my husband not caught me I'd have apparently broken my teeth. Ayways, I feel like I'm rambling so I'll get to the point, now that my problem is out in the open so to speak, I honestly want to go to a meeting but I'm so scared to go. I'm scared other people may recognize me and judge me or... I'm really not sure what scares me so much. Has anyone else felt this way? Advice? Hopefully my novel didn't lose anyone. For those of you still reading thank you ☺
So, I'm new to sobriety after 10+ years of everyday drinking,with the exception of my two pregnancies. At first I was a serious wino. Minimum 1-2 bottles a night. Last summer
summer my husband called me out on my drinking and insisted I stop. So I did.... for about a week, until I found this amazing hiding spot in our bathroom closet. At this point, I decided I would try just taking a few shots of vodka a night. That turned into A whole Mickey and then I found myself hoarding fifths of vodka and drinking at 1-2 in the afternoon. I knew I had a problem but figured it wasn't a problem because no one knew except my best friend. Last week, I bought myself my usual 750ml of "V" and about 3 big swings in, I blacked out and can't remember anything. I woke up the next.morning with a busted up knee and a huge bruise on my head and no idea how or what had happened. Well my best friend came over in a rage and insisted I tell my husband and family about my drinking and get help because apparently my 125lbs self had managed to finish the entire fifth of vodka in under 3 hours. I then proceeded to walk (or stumble, I'm not sure) to the store where I bought a bottle of 13% Australian red wine. After finishing that, I tried to get up to go inside and tripped over myself and fell into the stairs. Had my husband not caught me I'd have apparently broken my teeth. Ayways, I feel like I'm rambling so I'll get to the point, now that my problem is out in the open so to speak, I honestly want to go to a meeting but I'm so scared to go. I'm scared other people may recognize me and judge me or... I'm really not sure what scares me so much. Has anyone else felt this way? Advice? Hopefully my novel didn't lose anyone. For those of you still reading thank you ☺
My advise would be not to look for reasons to write AA off.
Attend several meetings and if you don't feel comfortable raising your hand as a newcomer to AA you don't have to.
Getting a sponsor? The steps?
Take your time. There is no urry unless you feel comfortable.
Again, try several meetings and see which are a good fit.
AA isn't perfect nor are the members.
However, it's still the best deal in town.
It's already been said, but if you think about it, it may bring some levity to what is a very serious situation:
You are concerned about people recognizing you at an AA meeting. Who goes to AA meetings? ALCOHOLICS! DRUNKS! We get it!
Some of us have been sober longer than others, but, sweetie, I've done that "take a few glugs & black out" dance, and so have a lot of others. There's no greater joy than seeing someone come through the doors saying, "I'm ready." YOU are the reason we're there:
Our stories are similar -- The only time I had any kind of sobriety was when I was pregnant. I don't know how old your kids are now. Mine were 9 & 12 when I got sober. It's off topic, but I'll share with you that one of the most beautiful gifts of sobriety is that I know my kids today. I gained a couple more in sobriety, and I know them, too. When I was drinking, I was too busy making time to drink or worrying about hiding my drinking to get to know them. They're all adults now, and they like to come home. What a gift...
Good luck to you. Get yourself to a meeting, and come back and tell us how it went.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
You are concerned about people recognizing you at an AA meeting. Who goes to AA meetings? ALCOHOLICS! DRUNKS! We get it!
Some of us have been sober longer than others, but, sweetie, I've done that "take a few glugs & black out" dance, and so have a lot of others. There's no greater joy than seeing someone come through the doors saying, "I'm ready." YOU are the reason we're there:
5. Each group has but one primary purpose -- to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
Good luck to you. Get yourself to a meeting, and come back and tell us how it went.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Here
Posts: 4
The first time I was ever near a meeting I was living in new york, i went with a friend to support her addiction and when I walked in there was a meeting going on beforehand. It scared me so bad, I walked right back out. I was not ready to admit I was an alcoholic yet, but when I think back on that I really wish I had gone in. It maybe would have saved me years and years of destructive denial behaviors and pain. Perfectly normal to be scared but I have never met a person that didn't benefit in some way from going to a meeting. And as far as being recognized, everyone suffers from pain in some way- that is what connects us all. Do this for yourself and don't worry about others. I wish you all the best in your road to recovery.
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