mercurial me

Hi. I've been on this forum for many years. Very few of my stories have been positive, many have been no doubt difficult to read.

Today, when my fiance (partner of over 12 years), comes home from work I'm offering to give her my legal half of possession of our house as I plan to file for bankruptcy in the months to come and I don't want to screw her over. I'm not sure if my creditors would come after the house or not after she has sole possession. I'm hoping not.

I'm sober as I write this.

My alcoholism has been a slow burn of my life. No DUI's, never got drunk and hit my fiance, etc. Instead it's been damage to my liver and my body and the constant fear of dying that way (3 weeks in the hospital in April this year for alcohol related complications). Slowly ruined financially. I always found a way to support my alcohol addiction one way or another. If I'm classified as a high functioning alcoholic, I'm a stupid one financially. Everything I've worked for is about to be flushed down the drain but I don't want to hurt my loved ones by having them bear the burdens of my financial incompetency fueled by my addiction to alcohol. I'm 36

Staying sober for when my fiance comes home in a couple of hours to break this news to her. I owe her at least that much.

Thanks for listening

matt4x4

Never say never.
Whos to really say it is, or it isnt.
You can always dig deeper, ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!
..............until death.

Wish you the best.

Climber122

It never seems to get better for us - always worse - until we make a decision to quit trying to make drinking fit into our lives, and then take action while we are convinced we need to quit. The craziness of this disease is that if we don't take action in this critical moment, we'll find a way to believe we aren't that bad and keep on keeping on - it's what we do. But we can recover - that's the good news.

Try and not beat yourself up - you're no worse than anyone else with the disease of alcoholism. Many of us come to the conclusion that we MUST change for reasons complicated by our own actions in addiction. Losing jobs, money, relationships, jails, hospitals... most alcoholics are familiar with many of these events and places. So the question for you is, what now?

There are many avenues for treatment but they all involve reaching out - as in picking up the phone and scheduling that appointment with a D&A counselor, or a rehab, hospital, or that first AA meeting. Try one of those options, even if it feels wrong - likely everything is going to feel wrong about seeking recovery at first. But taking that step - that is the first move towards real change... I hope you decide to go in a new direction after having that talk with your fiance'.

freshstart57

I see you have had someone tell you, 'don't worry, things can get worse'. Unbelievable. I feel it would be more helpful for you to hear that things can get better for you.

I believe that things can improve for you and your life needn't be like your current situation. How would you like things to be? Are there actions you can take that can move you in that direction? What would a first step be?

mercurial me

Thanx Matt 4x4. I'll leave this thread here for another hour for posterity & have it deleted

doggonecarl

And I hope a part of you wants to stay sober, or else why even post. So take the leap, strive to recover.

mercurial me

Thanks for the replies, sober and this is a sobering day. To Matt4x4, I may be broke....but at least I'm not morally bankrupt my friend

zjw

if i didnt have financial problems I wouldnt have any problems at all. And believe me i can cry for horus over my finances. But i also dont have a kid with cancer or a spouse on her death bed or tumors all over my body. I'm not disabled I'm not terminally ill. There are a lot of problems I dont have.

I used to ponder suicide over my bad finances and i thought what a stupid idea. Off myself cuase i owe some crummy banks some phony money on paper? how stupid is that?

People file for bankruptcy every day. Many dont care at all either its just another "business" transaction to them they dont get there emotions all wrapped up into it. All it is is handling your financial business in a way thats more favorable for you in the future. Whomever you owe is not gonna come and put a gun to your head and demand payment etc.. Life goes on.

I had to settle a lot of debt after I sobered up. I could have looked at it as oh how terrible i'm not paying my bills poor me this is so terribly irresponsable. But instead I looked at it as I'm in over my head I"m going to settle this nonsense for pennies on the dollar these scumbags have gotten way more out of me then what they truely where owed I'm gonna settle this up and walk away and not get into this predicament again if i can help it.

I could have allowed it to run me over and make me feel terrible. Instead i was very relieved and happy to be getting to the other side of that. I dont owe anything now aside from my house and I dont have all that hanging over my head.

It will work out.

zjw

I like your quote. Ya know giving me one credit card is like giving me 1 beer! haha. Like with beer I learned i could not even have one. With credit I've learned the same lesson the hard way. I could always find an excuse to torch credit and spend more then i should. Just like I can always find an excuse to drink too much. Some people cant just have one slice of cake either we all have our issues just gotta tackle them is all.

PurpleKnight

Sobriety doesn't just have to be for today, it can be for the future in the longterm!!

RobbyRobot

Sorry things have gone south, mercurial. If your debt is unsecured (as like in credit card debt) then bankruptcy can give an opportunity for a new beginning. If debt is secured, like a mortgage, or a signed loan for a car by example, then bankruptcy will not free you easily from those financial responsibilities. Your secured creditors may choose to work out a settlement based on a ratio or repayment, but they don't have to if their loan is secured. Sorry to say too, that the giving away or selling off of assets preceding bankruptcy filing can be overturned by a bankruptcy court, and this can really mess things up even more. I suggest you speak to an accountant who is familiar with bankruptcy laws before you file with a bankruptcy trustee. Trustees are federally appointed, but they still represent the creditors as well as you, so things can get touchy. Whatever you do, don't sign anything until you really know and understand the bankruptcy act. I think your in Alberta?

Wish I had better news for you on your house. I went bankrupt myself almost 25 years ago when a business failed. Nasty stuff. And my divorce back in 1998 almost again created a bankruptcy. This was avoided by making what is called a consumer proposal. My debts were unsecured except for the mortgage. I worked hard to pay off my secured debts before I talked with my mortgage holder. I made a private deal with the mortgage company. The house then was not included in the proposal, and the unsecured creditors were forced to deal directly with me. We settled for less than was owed, otherwise they would have gotten nothing. They have since been paid off as I and them came to a workable agreement. Talk with your mortgage company, if you can. They would rather have you just keep paying then take possession. They lose a lot of money on resale after possession. You can leverage this to your advantage most likely as you have to live somewhere anyways. Don't fall for the idea that if you talk with your mortgage company, they will automatically work against you. Other creditors, not so much. They just want their money usually, and to hell with your circumstances. Its just business.

I hope something works out for you on the finances.

And of course, sobriety is the real deal that makes your efforts at turning your life around the best choice you can make. You can make this happen, mercurial.

Dee74

You seemed so positive on the last thread I read MM - what happened, man?

D

newwestdork

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time financially, MM. I can certainly relate - I've managed to squander an incredible amount of money during my drinking "career." Debt can be a really difficult burden to bear.

I really like some of the questions upthread that focus on what you can do now. You're broke, you have an alcohol problem, things suck. What steps can you take now to start improving things, even if it's just a small step? Are you working on sobriety? If so, how? Is there more that you could be doing to support your sobriety? And so on.

I often get frustrated by my situation, but I have to remind myself that didn't get here overnight and that fixing things will probably take a long time. I have a real love of instant gratification, but I'm slowly starting to accept that digging myself out of the hole I've gotten myself into will take a long stretch of discipline and hard work. It sucks, but it's better than continuing downwards.

This is turning into a rambling message, but what I'm trying to say is that there's still hope, no matter how bad things have gotten. Sobriety and financial wellness can both be achieved in the long term by doing what you can to help yourself out today.

Sudz No More

Oh Merc, I'm not even worried for you about the financial stuff. It happens all the time to people and you can get through it. What worries me the most is this last very indicative sentence you wrote. You were planning on staying sober long enough to talk to your fiance which indicates to me that you are still drinking.

After all the evidence laid out before you alcohol still has a part in your life. It is something I struggle to understand. I had half the problems as a direct result from alcohol and was motivated to quit for good. I just wonder what it is going to take for you to stop.

You also said in your post that you are a "high functioning alcoholic", I would have to disagree. You haven't been functioning properly as a result of alcohol for a very long time. Maybe that is what needs to change. Your belief that you are somehow ok, that you get up everyday and "function" so maybe you don't have a problem. You have a major problem with alcohol and need to stop immediately.

Please, finally put this habit to rest and start to heal. There may still be time for you, don't let it get away.

All my hopes for you.

jdooner

Donald Trump filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. Been through a couple divorces too (50% off the top). But he doesn't drink because, as he states, he witnessed addiction first hand in his alcoholic sibling. Just an example of a rags to riches story if that is your thing.

Money, relationships, things, everything can be fixed if you fix yourself. Don't underestimate the power of human performance. But if you delude yourself nothing is possible and you will bounce around reacting to life vs living it.

mercurial me

Came clean to my girlfriend yesterday. Told my immediate family I have an addiction to alcohol for the first time every. Feels like I've lost control of my life. Fiance is driving me to the hospital in 10 minutes for mental health first aid. Thanks for your support. God bless....

jdooner

One of the more positive posts I have read. There is truth and honesty in your words and you should be proud, good for you. Its going to be a long road but there are some amazing benefits along the way.

Good luck man!

huntingtontx

You are in my prayers. The whole time I read this post I thought, dump the booze, not the girl. Hope you are feeling better soon.

zjw

Life goes on it will work out time heals a lot of things. financial issues like you've mentioned ar just a bump in the road once you figure it out you might realize its nto as big and scary as you think.

Ultimatly you need to resolve the financs but I dont think its a huge sense of urgency per say IE i have friends who have nto paid medical and credit card bills in 5 years and more with no adverse affects toher then they have to pay cash for stuff (Something they shoulda been doing anyhow).

I wish you luck. I think You'll come out of this ok.

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear this Mercurial. If you decide to work as hard at getting better as you did at drinking, the sky is the limit.