thatguy1980

Hello all:

Long time lurker - meaning I've been aware of my problem for a while now, but I haven't posted.

I am, right now, losing my mind. I am 34 and have been drinking pretty hard now for 8 years or so. 8,9,10 beers per night.

I simply cannot believe that I have become an alcoholic.

My wife doesn't know the extent of my drinking. She thinks it is just a beer or two to relax. I do all my drinking alone away from everyone. I just had a baby and am scared that I will miss her growing up.

I recently weened myself off of anti-depressants and quit smoking cigarettes. I am proud of that. I am having a REALLY hard time quitting drinking.

My anxiety is through the roof thinking that I have destroyed my liver. I am always poking and prodding my gut to see if I can feel something down there. I have sharp pain in my back right now, and I have convinced myself that I am in big trouble. I had full blood work done exactly one year ago and the doctor said nothing negative. Could I have done severe/irreversible damage in that year?

I am doing well cutting down, though. I have been having only 2 beers for the last few nights, simply so I don't have withdrawals. It is a crazy feeling though. I feel detached from the world...I guess that this is part of the WD but it is kind of crazy.

Damn it! What the hell have I done? Anyone else in this situation with success stories? I just need to hear that someone has done what I have done and made it through..... Thank you guys for your time.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

You can do this, SR is a great resource for support!!

Hevyn

It's good to see you thatguy. It sounds like you're ready to do this.

Bostonsportsfan

Hey man it sounds like you have a lot to be sober for. You're married and have a baby girl and I know you don't want to miss her growing up. It sounds like you're down to 2 beers a night and maybe detox isn't needed? Let your wife/daughter be your motivation...do it for them. We can't give medical advice, but if you're concerned your drinking has done damage in the last year, go to the DR and get checked out again.

Also this forum is filled with people who have made it from where you are to the a better sober life. There's no reason you can't do this if you really want it.

Bostonsportsfan

I also had a detached feeling in withdrawal and learned it was depersonalization/derealization. I went through it and it was horrible, but it did go away when I got sober, so that's something to look forward too with sobriety.

I wish you the best of luck.

zjw

good going on the cutting down / tapering off. I did the same then i just quit. I climbed the walls with anxiety and manged to be successful without meds. No idea how but i made it one day at a time.

I felt really detatched from the world so much so sometimes things seemed fake to me even as if i was watching a movie or something but not really expierienceing life. I watched the world around me while i suffered inside my head. It got easier tho.

I was drunk as a skunk for the first 4 kids i had. and sobered up by the time my wife had the last 2. I missed out to some degree for example I dont remember a lot of things. It is what it is. I was also very busy with ME instead of them those years. My son even made comments a few times when he'd see all my empty beers that i had really hit em hard the night prior. I did not exactly feel great about that.

Sobering up was the best thing I did. If the anxiety gets rough etc.. I hate to say it you might have to tell your wife somethings up etc.. But take it 1 day at at time your doing your body some good. Eat good food drink lots of fluids and try and occupy your time with a better hobby.

Dee74

Hi and welcome thatguy1980

This place is full of people who stopped - it's not the easiest thing ever but it is possible.
You find a lot of support here.

When do you envisage your day one - no alcohol?

D

sj999

Hey thatguy - congrats on cutting down so much.

Did you wean off anti-depressants under the care of a psychiatrist? If so I would be open with them about your drinking and how you're feeling since quitting as well. If the switch off meds was recent, it might make sense to allow yourself that crutch if you need it in the short term with plans to get off meds permanently when you feel more stable and healthier. If you've been drinking heavily for years it does a number on your brain, and there's absolutely no shame in giving it a little help to recover.

As for your liver, just go to the doc and get a check-up! My guess would be if you were normal a year ago and drinking heavily up until then, this last year wouldn't have done any irreparable damage. And if you are worried, the BEST thing you could do for it is quit drinking entirely and eat a healthy diet. But again, if you are worried see a doc. Not because I think you have something to be worried about, but because it will likely provide you peace of mind and answers no one on a forum can give.

Best of luck and keep us posted on how you're doing!

NightsWatch

Welcome thatguy. I've been there, minus the kid. Also, I'm still on an antidepressant. Have you talked to your doctor about your concerns? They can run some bloodwork to check out your liver and that might give you more peace of mind.

I would suggest checking out the acute and post acute withdrawal symptoms. For a long time, I just thought something was wrong with me, but apparently a lot of things (like anxiety) I've experienced can be attributed to alcohol withdrawal. PAWS (post acute symptoms) can last for up to two years, so that's something to keep in mind on the days you might feel "off" or down or whatever. Know that you can get through it and you will find yourself on the other side. It takes time and effort, but it will be worth it!

I was also angry with myself with what I've done to my body, but there's nothing you can do about that now. Now, it's time to focus on what you will do going forward to undo the damage.

Sudz No More

and so it begins... Welcome to the forum with your new status as a poster. You join a long list of people successfully using the Sober Recovery Forum as a tool to stay free from alcohol. The beginning is not easy but not as hard as the coming months so prepare yourself. I always try to stress this to newcomers because I have seen so many start great but then get lackadaisical when they get several months in thinking they have it beat. Get through the first couple weeks and then focus on the future. We've all been there, if we can do it, so can you.

zjw

I got lackadaisical at 30 days someone stopped me thankfully too Had I not been stopped I might not be here now. You really just dont know 1 drink might be 1 drink it might also be another decade of hell or worse you really dont know.

thatguy1980

Thank you all for your responses. After 3 days of cutting back I really felt great today. I had energy, thought process was significantly improved. I am going to continue my ween, but I am pretty thankful that I am feeling better. Not to mention: I have spent twice as much time with the family over this time. Now to just keep trucking.....

least

Welcome to the site! You'll find lots of support here.

thatguy1980

Hey all:

Its been a while. I didn't quit when I started this thread. I am giving it another shot, though. This time I told my wife and she is helping me. I have now gone 4 days without a beer, which is insane for me, and I feel pretty good. My wife and I made a deal that she is going to hold me accountable for the first little while. I totally accept and hope that this works this time. I do feel significantly better at work and have way more energy. I am also eating A LOT more food and drinking a ton of water. All in all it has been a blessing that I have been able to start again. You guys are absolutely incredible. Thank you for lending your ear.

RecklessEric

Good work, thatguy.

Keep us informed as to how you are doing.
It might get tough at some stage, and there's loads of experience here to help you through.

Soberwolf

Well done on 4 days sober

Dee74

Welcome back thatguy

D

2muchpain

I don't mean this in a negative way, but I will never understand why people decide to quit their meds and quit smoking while they are also trying to quit drinking. I would think the extra mental and physical stress from doing this must be unreal but you must have a good reason for doing this. I just hope you have A LOT of support while you are making such major changes, and are in touch with your doctor just to make sure things go well for you. Good luck. John

Ionray

I was the same story... Started drinking heavily after having kids, drinking alone at night, keeping it hidden from the wife and everyone. Difference was I got a lot worse than you... Beer started not being enough, so I started taking secret nips of hard stuff from the liquor cabinet at night. When I grew tired of having to sneak home and refill the liquor I'd consumed "off the grid" I started just smuggling bottles of vodka in my briefcase. I started having bad withdrawals when I'd try to stop, which eventually culminated in a seizure on a camping trip, in front of my wife, kids and friends. The insanity of the disease is that even after the seizure, I still thought I could manage to cut down and drink normally. That did not go so well. I had to come clean to my wife and family and get help through outpatient rehab and AA. I've been sober just over a year now and I can tell you that life has never been better.

Good for you for getting in front of this thing before your circumstances got as dire as mine did.

Keep up the good work and keep coming back!

TheWho

i hope youre doing good