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Was doing so well, what an idiot!

Old 07-08-2014, 02:58 AM
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Was doing so well, what an idiot!

Hi all, I'm a new member and my first post, I've been living with Ptsd for the last 6 years and got diagnosed with ptsd & alcohol dependence syndrome about 2 years ago! Knew I had a drink problem but admitted it to my doctor then, went on antabuse and acamprosate for a year, stopped taking both just staying on my meds for ptsd, I got to 540 day's sober and then screwed everything up by drinking for 2 weeks most nights, not bingeing had 4-5 cans a night. Stupidly thought I could take it or leave it! Obviously NOT! Started craving really bad so have gone back on abstruse again and been sober for 6 days again! Can't believe I started again and now so very disappointed in myself and craving again! So angry at myself can't put it into words. Was going to goto A A but really can't face people in groups ( poss ptsd)
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Old 07-08-2014, 03:03 AM
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Welcome to SR LivingPTSD
I have no experience with PTSD but I know other members will.

If real life meetings pose a problem, maybe online meetings may help?

D
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Old 07-08-2014, 03:51 AM
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Welcome to the Forum!!

Don't beat yourself up, 540 Days is still an achievement, nothing for it but chin up and go at it again, you'll get there!!
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Old 07-08-2014, 09:49 AM
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It's unfortunate, livingptsd, that you're resistant to groups. Support groups for alcoholism and psychotherapy groups for PTSD have demonstrated good success in each case. If you're not in treatment for PTSD, it may be worthwhile for you to pursue this course. Individual psychotherapy is also effective in treating PTSD. No treatment at all allows the condition to worsen, and the addition of alcohol and drugs is extremely dangerous.

Not surprisingly, it comes up a lot here, so I've provided a link from the National Institute of Mental Health that answers many of the questions related to PTSD.

NIMH Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
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Old 07-08-2014, 10:36 AM
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Originally Posted by livingptsd View Post
Hi all, I'm a new member and my first post, I've been living with Ptsd for the last 6 years and got diagnosed with ptsd & alcohol dependence syndrome about 2 years ago! Knew I had a drink problem but admitted it to my doctor then, went on antabuse and acamprosate for a year, stopped taking both just staying on my meds for ptsd, I got to 540 day's sober and then screwed everything up by drinking for 2 weeks most nights, not bingeing had 4-5 cans a night. Stupidly thought I could take it or leave it! Obviously NOT! Started craving really bad so have gone back on abstruse again and been sober for 6 days again! Can't believe I started again and now so very disappointed in myself and craving again! So angry at myself can't put it into words. Was going to goto A A but really can't face people in groups ( poss ptsd)
Well whenever you drink you crave, thats the physically allergy to alcohol that we as alcoholics have. The obsession of the mind happens when before the drink. I look at it this way, you got 2 options, drink and die, or recover!!!!
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Old 07-08-2014, 12:42 PM
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Well, you've 6 days under your belt already.
Good going.
Don't beat yourself up about relapsing.
Waste of energy.
Best of luck.
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Old 07-08-2014, 03:35 PM
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Some of us seem to need to learn the hard way. I fell off the wagon after a bit more than a year sober. But I then stayed off the wagon fir several years. You've got straight back on, which is much smarter. Well done for that. Don't be too hard in yourself - perhaps you needed to have the experience.
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Old 07-08-2014, 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by livingptsd View Post
Hi all, I'm a new member and my first post, I've been living with Ptsd for the last 6 years and got diagnosed with ptsd & alcohol dependence syndrome about 2 years ago! Knew I had a drink problem but admitted it to my doctor then, went on antabuse and acamprosate for a year, stopped taking both just staying on my meds for ptsd, I got to 540 day's sober and then screwed everything up by drinking for 2 weeks most nights, not bingeing had 4-5 cans a night. Stupidly thought I could take it or leave it! Obviously NOT! Started craving really bad so have gone back on abstruse again and been sober for 6 days again! Can't believe I started again and now so very disappointed in myself and craving again! So angry at myself can't put it into words. Was going to goto A A but really can't face people in groups ( poss ptsd)
You are not an idiot my friend. What has happened is just a stepping stone in learning what you need to do to recover from alcoholism. (I leave ptsd to others who are better informed than I)

I can tell you there was no way in hell I would ever have gone to an AA meeting on my own, far too fearful. The important thing to know, in my experience, is that meetings are not vital to AA recovery. There are loners all over the world who get sober by practicing the program in their daily lives, and working with other alcoholics on line. I sponsor one guy (he doesn't really need a sponsor) just had his eighth birthday and gets to about one meeting a year.

I suggest calling AA and asking to talk to someone one on one. Make a contact and see where that leads. That's what I did, and when I went to a meeting, I went with my new friend, and he looked after me in the early part. I also work with alcoholics in remote places who don't get much exposure to AA. We find its working the program that gets us sober, not sitting in meetings, though meetings can help of course.
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Old 07-08-2014, 08:14 PM
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I often feel like an idiot after drinking/relapsing, but this is really self defeating behavior. I get cravings because I'm an alcoholic, and what I do about it is what counts. I'm in a good place today, and the cravings do go away as I'm sure you know. Thanks for your post!
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Old 07-08-2014, 08:28 PM
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Hi livingPTSD, you are not an idiot. You've realized you don't want to stay on that path and are working towards sobriety again. You know you can do it, you've done it before. I'm rooting for you. Best wishes!
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Old 07-08-2014, 08:44 PM
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Hi Livingptsd
First off from what I've read slip ups are all part of the process. Please if I'm wrong someone correct me. Secondly congrats on the 540 days and now on your latest 6 days you my friend ROCK!!!!! DON'T beat yourself up. Just keep looking forward and put the past behind you. I cant and won't even try to comment on ptsd as that is way above me. But I can wish you luck and remeber there are always people on here. The people are awesome and also reading others posts is what has helped me tremendously. Stay strong.
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