29 and single
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 112
29 and single
Hello Everyone!
I have written about this before so I apologize for any redundant comments. While I struggle to get sober and discern the route causes of my alcohol abuse, I realize it is because I have always wanted a relationship and haven't had one. i mean I have been involved with people, but they have never loved me in the same way i loved them. They used and abused me and broke my trust. Time after time.
I am wrestling with desperately wanting a relationship but not being able to get into one because I can't let people in (based on my past). Being 29 and single is the WORST. Everyone around me is either getting married, is already married, or is having kids. I can't hang out with my former friends because their sig others get jealous and want to butt in, which puts me in the position of the third wheel. Not much is worse than really wanting a relationship, not having one, and being the third wheel! So I've had to cut friends out of my life. No relationships, no friends, no job or social interaction, and now no booze to escape from this depressing reality.
People on this site keep saying that if I put down the bottle everything will fall into place. I agree that things do get better, BUT i don't think not drinking will ever make me feel better about being the only single 29 year old I know. Some people on this website talk about how guilty they feel for putting their husbands or wives through their alcoholism, and honestly i think..."at least you have someone! if i had someone, i wouldn't need to drink!" sorry if that offends anyone. i am just saying that loneliness is the reason I've always drank and i do think if i had someone who cared about me i wouldn't need to turn to a vice to make myself feel better. Loneliness is all-consuming and it is terrible.
I am a pretty, charming girl. Not sure why i am the only person around who doesn't have someone to love.
I have written about this before so I apologize for any redundant comments. While I struggle to get sober and discern the route causes of my alcohol abuse, I realize it is because I have always wanted a relationship and haven't had one. i mean I have been involved with people, but they have never loved me in the same way i loved them. They used and abused me and broke my trust. Time after time.
I am wrestling with desperately wanting a relationship but not being able to get into one because I can't let people in (based on my past). Being 29 and single is the WORST. Everyone around me is either getting married, is already married, or is having kids. I can't hang out with my former friends because their sig others get jealous and want to butt in, which puts me in the position of the third wheel. Not much is worse than really wanting a relationship, not having one, and being the third wheel! So I've had to cut friends out of my life. No relationships, no friends, no job or social interaction, and now no booze to escape from this depressing reality.
People on this site keep saying that if I put down the bottle everything will fall into place. I agree that things do get better, BUT i don't think not drinking will ever make me feel better about being the only single 29 year old I know. Some people on this website talk about how guilty they feel for putting their husbands or wives through their alcoholism, and honestly i think..."at least you have someone! if i had someone, i wouldn't need to drink!" sorry if that offends anyone. i am just saying that loneliness is the reason I've always drank and i do think if i had someone who cared about me i wouldn't need to turn to a vice to make myself feel better. Loneliness is all-consuming and it is terrible.
I am a pretty, charming girl. Not sure why i am the only person around who doesn't have someone to love.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Hi Katie...alcohol aside, you seem quite focused on a relationship being the magical panacea to all life's problems?
I think out of fairness, each person needs to bring something to the relationship..."charm" alone won't cut it.
If you have no job, no friends, no social outlet or interests apart from wanting a partner, no offence meant, but that's not an attractive proposition to someone.
Also, I think people smell the desperation if all someone wants is a relationship. It's just the way it is.
Work on your life, and you will attract the right person. I'm not saying it will happen overnight, but you are young, don't sweat it!
I think out of fairness, each person needs to bring something to the relationship..."charm" alone won't cut it.
If you have no job, no friends, no social outlet or interests apart from wanting a partner, no offence meant, but that's not an attractive proposition to someone.
Also, I think people smell the desperation if all someone wants is a relationship. It's just the way it is.
Work on your life, and you will attract the right person. I'm not saying it will happen overnight, but you are young, don't sweat it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 852
Katie you're still young and can meet someone. Staying sober gives you a chance to meet someone who you can create a sober life with. Also in order for someone else to love you, you need to love yourself! Drinking isn't going to help you find a partner...chances are it will do the opposite. I wish the best for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Sobriety may not provide a relationship, but I don't think drinking is going to help things either, sitting anxious and lonely with a bottle of alcohol to drink isn't going to do anyone any good, sure it may be a short term escape but in the morning the situation is the same plus a hangover!!
July 4, 2014
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 97
Hi Katie
I am new to the forum and there are a lot of posts that really caught my attention and to which I will participate in. Though, with yours, it really struck a chord with me as I am in a similar boat. I have noticed time and time again the vicious cycle of loneliness and drinking; the two just spiral around each other and certainly, for me at least, didn't help. Being 31 and, for the past few years being single, I have felt the pangs of solitude many-a-times. Though I have come to the decision that I won't attempt to start or enter a relation, one that is more than platonic, until I have certain things in my life figured out and in control. I agree with Matt wholeheartedly, loving/accepting yourself is the #1 objective to being happy and healthy -- and thus creating happy and healthy relations with others! When you are ready and your heart, mind, body (etc.) are aligned, the right person will enter your life.
I am new to the forum and there are a lot of posts that really caught my attention and to which I will participate in. Though, with yours, it really struck a chord with me as I am in a similar boat. I have noticed time and time again the vicious cycle of loneliness and drinking; the two just spiral around each other and certainly, for me at least, didn't help. Being 31 and, for the past few years being single, I have felt the pangs of solitude many-a-times. Though I have come to the decision that I won't attempt to start or enter a relation, one that is more than platonic, until I have certain things in my life figured out and in control. I agree with Matt wholeheartedly, loving/accepting yourself is the #1 objective to being happy and healthy -- and thus creating happy and healthy relations with others! When you are ready and your heart, mind, body (etc.) are aligned, the right person will enter your life.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Hi Katie, it may seem very difficult trying to abstain from drinking without having someone to source strength from in weaker moments but you will of course get there, as for being single, it also has it's benefits so its far from all doom and gloom Katie, don't put too much pressure on these situations as you will only increase your anxiety levels.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
"at least you have someone! if i had someone, i wouldn't need to drink!"
maybe not having someone helped get you to the alcoholic point but once there alcohol has its claws in you at that point its not as simple as just solving that one problem that got you there and allw ill be right. I wish it was but its not.
Things do fall into place as you sober up however. Your perspective changes. Being alone at a time like this can be a good thing. I'm married and I have kids and I had to get rather selfish and short change my wife and kids on my time so that I could spend time on ME getting healthy. In my case sobering up I couldnt focus on them I felt bad but I new getting sober had to come first. So you might be better off for now without anyone. It gives you the time to focus on yourself. Spend time with yourself and getting to know how to be happy etc.. If you cant be happy alone how will you be happy with someone?
You'll be better off comfty in your own skin standing confidently on your own 2 feet happy all by yourself as you enter a relationship.
I'll be honest tho in sobriety the "geting better" part sometimes seems like its happening so slowly its not happening at all. I sometimes had to look back a month or 2 in order to tell if I had made any progress becuase day by day week by week it seemed like my life still sucked even tho no no it didnt it was a tid bit better was just really hard to notice sometimes.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Putting down the drink does not make things better in my opinion. In fact, removing the drink made my life more unmanageable. I removed my coping mechanism. What it did was allow me to understand things clearly and make real decisions that I could never have done while drinking.
Sobreity does not solve things. Its like putting on glasses and being able to see things clearly. Some of those things we preferred not to see so clearly too.
Over 50% of those same people getting married now will be getting divorced in the next ten to fifteen years.
I have found with relationships that when I was not looking and not focused on this but working on trying to improve me and love me that things happen.
I understand and empathize with your situation. I wish I could provide more comforting words. Dating and sobriety are difficult. But it can be done.
Sobreity does not solve things. Its like putting on glasses and being able to see things clearly. Some of those things we preferred not to see so clearly too.
Over 50% of those same people getting married now will be getting divorced in the next ten to fifteen years.
I have found with relationships that when I was not looking and not focused on this but working on trying to improve me and love me that things happen.
I understand and empathize with your situation. I wish I could provide more comforting words. Dating and sobriety are difficult. But it can be done.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
to look at it from another angle I have a friend of mine whos been in so many relationships. He cant find happiness. theres either something wrong witht he girl something wrong with him or she cheats on him etc... he's miserable would love to just settle down start a family etc.. The few he thought where the ones cheated on him. Most times he just doesnt care anymore just assumes to go back and forth dating this one and dating that one etc...
From my view he makes it look easy it seems like he can pickup any girl he wants. I never could no women ever had any interest in me. I dunno why my wife even bothered she must have had a momentary lapse of sanity. So on one hand one could look at his situation and think wow that must be great always dating someone etc... On th eother hand he's miserable He just wants to settle down have kids etc... and cant find that.
From my view he makes it look easy it seems like he can pickup any girl he wants. I never could no women ever had any interest in me. I dunno why my wife even bothered she must have had a momentary lapse of sanity. So on one hand one could look at his situation and think wow that must be great always dating someone etc... On th eother hand he's miserable He just wants to settle down have kids etc... and cant find that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by zjw 
to look at it from another angle I have a friend of mine whos been in so many relationships. He cant find happiness. theres either something wrong witht he girl something wrong with him or she cheats on him etc... he's miserable would love to just settle down start a family etc.. The few he thought where the ones cheated on him. Most times he just doesnt care anymore just assumes to go back and forth dating this one and dating that one etc...
From my view he makes it look easy it seems like he can pickup any girl he wants. I never could no women ever had any interest in me. I dunno why my wife even bothered she must have had a momentary lapse of sanity. So on one hand one could look at his situation and think wow that must be great always dating someone etc... On th eother hand he's miserable He just wants to settle down have kids etc... and cant find that.
From my view he makes it look easy it seems like he can pickup any girl he wants. I never could no women ever had any interest in me. I dunno why my wife even bothered she must have had a momentary lapse of sanity. So on one hand one could look at his situation and think wow that must be great always dating someone etc... On th eother hand he's miserable He just wants to settle down have kids etc... and cant find that.
IME - the problem is in ourselves just like the solution inside us. When we fix ourselves we will radiate and attract. Then we can enter into a relationship that is not codependent. Again, just my experiences.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Katie, is it possible that in your relationship experiences so far, you have tended to repeatedly trust the wrong people? Do you see any common pattern in them? And related question: have you ever tried psychotherapy? There are many great psychologists that are very skilled at helping you understand and improve relationship issues, including helping discover what you truly want/need (perhaps you just don't know this yet).
I am 40 and very happily single right now, also have never been married because I chose to live that way. I do like relationships (all kinds) a lot, though, and have had quite a few amazing, deep, and very memorable ones in my life. However, my personal satisfaction and meaning has never depended on whether I'm single or in a relationship. For me, it's more like yet another potentially fulfilling and meaningful elements of my life, but would never define my genuine happiness depending on this, which in my opinion, is never a good thing to look for on the outside.
Do you have close friends that you confide in? That's another great way to enrich our social lives and have meaningful connections with others 1:1. I've even found a few great people here on SR and we have had some very personal and interesting interactions, on and off, it does not have to be obsessive-compulsive. Perhaps that would be a better type of relationship construct for you for a while and focus on your sobriety and other issues. I think intimate relationships can only be truly fulfilling if we are in a good personal shape to engage and be present to them fully.
I am 40 and very happily single right now, also have never been married because I chose to live that way. I do like relationships (all kinds) a lot, though, and have had quite a few amazing, deep, and very memorable ones in my life. However, my personal satisfaction and meaning has never depended on whether I'm single or in a relationship. For me, it's more like yet another potentially fulfilling and meaningful elements of my life, but would never define my genuine happiness depending on this, which in my opinion, is never a good thing to look for on the outside.
Do you have close friends that you confide in? That's another great way to enrich our social lives and have meaningful connections with others 1:1. I've even found a few great people here on SR and we have had some very personal and interesting interactions, on and off, it does not have to be obsessive-compulsive. Perhaps that would be a better type of relationship construct for you for a while and focus on your sobriety and other issues. I think intimate relationships can only be truly fulfilling if we are in a good personal shape to engage and be present to them fully.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Hi Katie,
For what it's worth, I totally feel your pain. I'm a dude but aside from that I found myself in the exact same position. It was maddening, frustrating, etc. Thing is, the more you dwell on this, the more frustrating it will become. And alas, a relationship is a 2-person game and it can't be solved by huffing and puffing alone on your couch. I know this, because I've tried!
May I ask how long you've been sober? It sounds like you haven't quite tackled that animal yet. Getting sober, unlike getting a relationship, IS an individual game. And in my case it took 100% of my personal focus. Like you, I also craved affectionate support...but remember, relationships are a 2-way street.
In short, I think it's natural to have these feelings. But getting too frustrated about this issue is a fruitless distraction. It's sort of like wishing for a new car, or a new house. You don't just get these things because you want them, you get them after you've put together a solid plan, crunched the numbers, and made sacrifices. If you put the work into your sobriety instead of this distraction, you'll find love at the end of the rainbow, I'm certain.
For what it's worth, I totally feel your pain. I'm a dude but aside from that I found myself in the exact same position. It was maddening, frustrating, etc. Thing is, the more you dwell on this, the more frustrating it will become. And alas, a relationship is a 2-person game and it can't be solved by huffing and puffing alone on your couch. I know this, because I've tried!
May I ask how long you've been sober? It sounds like you haven't quite tackled that animal yet. Getting sober, unlike getting a relationship, IS an individual game. And in my case it took 100% of my personal focus. Like you, I also craved affectionate support...but remember, relationships are a 2-way street.
In short, I think it's natural to have these feelings. But getting too frustrated about this issue is a fruitless distraction. It's sort of like wishing for a new car, or a new house. You don't just get these things because you want them, you get them after you've put together a solid plan, crunched the numbers, and made sacrifices. If you put the work into your sobriety instead of this distraction, you'll find love at the end of the rainbow, I'm certain.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
I didn't meet my wife until I was 31 and we long distance dated for three years before we married. You've got time for all that, focus on yourself right now. I'm sure there has to be some hobbies you like that you can get back into to fill the void.
As others have said, if you get yourself back on track the rest will fall into place.
As others have said, if you get yourself back on track the rest will fall into place.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i know a few women who came into aa looking for a partner rather then finding out how to live sober. sadly they ended up with guys who just put on the knight in shinning armour routine on and they all ended up drinking again,
i am on my own and i am happy being on my own i was once like you feeling i needed someone to love me
i was stuck in a loveless marriage and wished i had someone who loved me
i wouldnt leave that marriage as i was scared of being on my own i wasted a lot of years of my life in that state
aa shown me who i am it shown me all sorts of things about me and number 1 thing i had to learn was if i wanted a relationship so bad then first i should learn how to look after a plant, i would get angry at that suggestion and then they told me when i know how to look after a plant i should progress into learning how to look after a pet
only when i could do these things well should i really be interested in a relationship of course i ignored there advice and threw myself into a few so called relationships
i destroyed them with ease with my jealousy and control issues
but of course i blamed them as if they really loved me then they wouldnt want to be doing anything else other than being with me like i would be with them
thats not love i had to learn what love is
to be able to let someone go who you love even if it means there going to be with someone else is what love is really about
as whatever makes that person happy would make you happy even if it means it doesnt include you
my love was always a selfish love but i didnt know this nor could i understand it i just wanted someone to fill that empty hole in my heart
today that hole is filled as i am happy with me today sure i can still have all my faults or not see things the way i should but that ok as i dont drink on them anymore and i seek help from my friends in aa i have peace in my life even with such heartache that i have personaly i can do nothing about that except get to meeting and try and help others as it frees me up from my selfish poor me state
the saying
poor me
poor me
pour me another
haunts me lol
i am on my own and i am happy being on my own i was once like you feeling i needed someone to love me
i was stuck in a loveless marriage and wished i had someone who loved me
i wouldnt leave that marriage as i was scared of being on my own i wasted a lot of years of my life in that state
aa shown me who i am it shown me all sorts of things about me and number 1 thing i had to learn was if i wanted a relationship so bad then first i should learn how to look after a plant, i would get angry at that suggestion and then they told me when i know how to look after a plant i should progress into learning how to look after a pet
only when i could do these things well should i really be interested in a relationship of course i ignored there advice and threw myself into a few so called relationships
i destroyed them with ease with my jealousy and control issues
but of course i blamed them as if they really loved me then they wouldnt want to be doing anything else other than being with me like i would be with them
thats not love i had to learn what love is
to be able to let someone go who you love even if it means there going to be with someone else is what love is really about
as whatever makes that person happy would make you happy even if it means it doesnt include you
my love was always a selfish love but i didnt know this nor could i understand it i just wanted someone to fill that empty hole in my heart
today that hole is filled as i am happy with me today sure i can still have all my faults or not see things the way i should but that ok as i dont drink on them anymore and i seek help from my friends in aa i have peace in my life even with such heartache that i have personaly i can do nothing about that except get to meeting and try and help others as it frees me up from my selfish poor me state
the saying
poor me
poor me
pour me another
haunts me lol
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Happiness is not a destination, at least for me. Its a process of becoming content.
I've had to reinvent the wheel in my head and go against the grain. The thing is I always felt i was right and that I should find satisfaction and be content at times but that was quite literally beaten out of me as a small child. Now I have to overcome my fears and say its ok to be content its ok to be satisfied. its tough when your trained otherwise.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by Katie88
Hello Everyone!
I have written about this before so I apologize for any redundant comments. While I struggle to get sober and discern the route causes of my alcohol abuse, I realize it is because I have always wanted a relationship and haven't had one. i mean I have been involved with people, but they have never loved me in the same way i loved them. They used and abused me and broke my trust. Time after time.
I am wrestling with desperately wanting a relationship but not being able to get into one because I can't let people in (based on my past). Being 29 and single is the WORST. Everyone around me is either getting married, is already married, or is having kids. I can't hang out with my former friends because their sig others get jealous and want to butt in, which puts me in the position of the third wheel. Not much is worse than really wanting a relationship, not having one, and being the third wheel! So I've had to cut friends out of my life. No relationships, no friends, no job or social interaction, and now no booze to escape from this depressing reality.
People on this site keep saying that if I put down the bottle everything will fall into place. I agree that things do get better, BUT i don't think not drinking will ever make me feel better about being the only single 29 year old I know. Some people on this website talk about how guilty they feel for putting their husbands or wives through their alcoholism, and honestly i think..."at least you have someone! if i had someone, i wouldn't need to drink!" sorry if that offends anyone. i am just saying that loneliness is the reason I've always drank and i do think if i had someone who cared about me i wouldn't need to turn to a vice to make myself feel better. Loneliness is all-consuming and it is terrible.
I am a pretty, charming girl. Not sure why i am the only person around who doesn't have someone to love.
I have written about this before so I apologize for any redundant comments. While I struggle to get sober and discern the route causes of my alcohol abuse, I realize it is because I have always wanted a relationship and haven't had one. i mean I have been involved with people, but they have never loved me in the same way i loved them. They used and abused me and broke my trust. Time after time.
I am wrestling with desperately wanting a relationship but not being able to get into one because I can't let people in (based on my past). Being 29 and single is the WORST. Everyone around me is either getting married, is already married, or is having kids. I can't hang out with my former friends because their sig others get jealous and want to butt in, which puts me in the position of the third wheel. Not much is worse than really wanting a relationship, not having one, and being the third wheel! So I've had to cut friends out of my life. No relationships, no friends, no job or social interaction, and now no booze to escape from this depressing reality.
People on this site keep saying that if I put down the bottle everything will fall into place. I agree that things do get better, BUT i don't think not drinking will ever make me feel better about being the only single 29 year old I know. Some people on this website talk about how guilty they feel for putting their husbands or wives through their alcoholism, and honestly i think..."at least you have someone! if i had someone, i wouldn't need to drink!" sorry if that offends anyone. i am just saying that loneliness is the reason I've always drank and i do think if i had someone who cared about me i wouldn't need to turn to a vice to make myself feel better. Loneliness is all-consuming and it is terrible.
I am a pretty, charming girl. Not sure why i am the only person around who doesn't have someone to love.
Never is a very long time to hope for reciprocal love from those who you love, or have loved, or will love. Never as a place to hang our troubles has no upside, imo. We do better to walk away from past trauma as much as we're able for where we are at time-wise when we start to detach and heal.
Loneliness is my oldest companion albeit an unwelcomed friend of sorts. I too wondered why my love was being unreturned as given. I believe the question is on many levels still unanswered for me and so I've learned having an answer in hand is likely a selfishly motivated want that hides behind a façade of need. I've learned my needs rightly outweigh my wants and if not so, then my quality of life suffers uselessly and needlessly until my wants are again second to my needs.
We all want love. We all need love. We all have a chance at accomplishing both, and yet we all have stumbled and hurt ourselves, been hurt by others, and have caused hurt of our own making onto others too, is my experience with life anyways. These hurts do not make love unavailable to us, rather these hurts condition us to be individually different from each other in how we appreciate our responsibilities to ourselves and to others in the name of love.
Broken trust is a terrible experience. Paradoxically, a renewal of trust is the only remedy that works for me. Not saying to trust the betrayer, as that would be dumb, but to trust in the experience that since a betrayal hurts so damn much, trust is something to be coveted and given carefully to others, and not something to just childishly and with wanton want be given without thoughtful discrimination beforehand. It is difficult to withhold trust when things look okay and more than okay, yet it is good to have a pause of reason before we just jump in is my experience. It hurts to trust again, and there is really no way around this healing pain, imo. Better this than embracing the alternative of living forever with a broken heart...
Loneliness is as good a justified reason for drinking as any other, yeah? So be it. If so though, then you're already doing right for yourself by reaching out and having this discussion. Be observant of how many others have some relevance in their own lives to your experiences. We all have tasted unreturned love as given. The problem I later discovered wasn't it wasn't returned as given; rather more that I wasn't able to accept what was given as an alternative to what I gave. I childishly expected love in return. How naive of me, but there it was for me to ponder and realize life and love isn't always fair of course its so obvious to me now. The other thing I have learned is my sense of never no longer has relevance with my ability to make lemonade out of whatever lemons come my way - I don't have to sign-on to never anymore - I can make real differences in my life today even though my past experiences hobble me somewhat nonetheless I make progress time and time again.
I hope for all that is best for you, Katie.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
29 is very young katie. Just as an example, a good friend of my wife got married for the first time at 40 and had her first child at 41 recently with no issues at all.
That being said, you do need to take care of your own personal issues first no matter if you are in a relationship or not. If you are and alcoholic and still drinking, no relationship will fix that - in fact it might make it worse.
That being said, you do need to take care of your own personal issues first no matter if you are in a relationship or not. If you are and alcoholic and still drinking, no relationship will fix that - in fact it might make it worse.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
The problem I later discovered wasn't it wasn't returned as given; rather more that I wasn't able to accept what was given as an alternative to what I gave. I childishly expected love in return. How naive of me, but there it was for me to ponder and realize life and love isn't always fair of course its so obvious to me now. The other thing I have learned is my sense of never no longer has relevance with my ability to make lemonade out of whatever lemons come my way - I don't have to sign-on to never anymore - I can make real differences in my life today even though my past experiences hobble me somewhat nonetheless I make progress time and time again.
Obviously, this kind of attitude requires that we are able to disassociate old ingrained habits, patterns, and heartbreaks from out current and future experiences.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by haennie
I think these are very good observations with high practical relevance also. If I want to rephrase some of it the way I usually like to think about it and advise others: it's very important that we do not approach relationships with very specific, high, and overly biased expectations. Of course some of this is inevitable as emotions are always subjective, but formulating an overly strong "end goal" for a relationship as if it was supposed to be a destination of some sort never leads to genuine real connection between two people, in my opinion. The other description I like to use in this context (and many others, as I believe it's of high significance in many ways): try not to be overly attached to outcome, but embrace the journey and natural unfolding, with an open mind.
Obviously, this kind of attitude requires that we are able to disassociate old ingrained habits, patterns, and heartbreaks from out current and future experiences.
Obviously, this kind of attitude requires that we are able to disassociate old ingrained habits, patterns, and heartbreaks from out current and future experiences.
I'll add that trust is a learned accomplishment in its own right, and as such trust uniquely has its earned place at the table of expectations is my experience in relationships. I think one cannot be too attached to trust as an ideal and as a need for us to become all that we can be in relationships with others. Wanting trust and needing trust are not the same pursuit and have different resultants when accomplished nonetheless. Isn't life the bomb?!!
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