SonomaGal

Some days I hate quitting! I hate that just last night I was so happy that I don't want to drink anymore and then today the cravings are as bad as they were in the early days. I hate that I'm too afraid to drink, but don't know how to be sober and balanced day in day out. I hate that the only reason I ever want to drink is because of crappy feelings. I hate the fear that if quitting ever gets too easy, I'll get complacent and drink. I hate wondering if I really had a problem. I hate that quitting didn't magically fix me, everyone else, and the world. I really hate PAWS. Ahhhhhhhhh... Sorry for all the hate, I totally needed to vent!!!!

Dee74

I think, like anything else, learning to be sober (and happy about it) is a process?

the more things you accomplish sober the more confidence you get and (in my case anyway) the less likely it seems that you'll drink again.

If you have a life you love there's not much of a reason to want to escape it

It took me most of the first year to work it out tho - try and keep the faith...there's no answers back the way we came

D

Boleo

I hated the consequences of my drinking.
I hated the discontent I felt when not drinking.
I hated having to resort to any recovery program.
I hated to admit that I was an alcoholic.
I hated to admit that I was powerless.
I hated to ask for help.
I hated to submit to self-appraisal.
I hated to make amends.
I hated to have to try helping other alcoholics.

But after I did all that. The hating stopped.

matt4x4

Ah that strange mental blank spot.
Been there myself many a time.
Hate yourself drinking, hate yourself sober.
That is one bad place to be in.
Now add a head full of recovery in your head, while drinking.
Not fun one bit.

Ask yourself a simple question.
Why cant I stop now that I want to?

Gottalife

That was me too. The main reason I didn't want to get sober was because it was just like you describe. Being sober was horrible.

I eventually realised that the root of the problem was my reaction to life. I had to find a way to change my reaction. I did, and the world seemed to change. Today I am very happy to be sober.

PurpleKnight

It'll all take time, hang in there!!

LBrain

I love that I haven't been drunk in 6 months. I don't hate that my world isn't magically fixed. It's something I have to work on. But I do sometimes despise myself for giving away too many years of my life to alcohol.

Croissant

Sorry you feel like this at the moment.

I've tried to turn those thoughts into recognising they are the gasping death cries of the AV....trying to get me to resuscitate life into it.

Once I started flipping them upside down, they don't come round so much anymore.

Keep riding it! And big hugs.xx

SoulSister

I learned selfishness, and self-centeredness was the root of my problem.

I'm all I think about.

I have a much better day when I think of others and less of myself.

SonomaGal

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to my Debbie downer rant! I usually try to go for positive but I had this self indulgent stuff I had to get out. A little of it was tongue in cheek - like quitting is supposed to fix everyone and everything in the world (lol) but some of it was true. I agree so much with all of you and I've clearly got some work to do: remembering that feeling sorry for myself is the cry of the AV and a not so noble bit of self centered/selfish indulgence. I will get back to work on embracing all the good of sobriety, figuring out how to change my reaction to this stuff and life, taking more responsibility for this path, considering AA again, and remembering that it takes time to create a life we don't want to escape from. Happy 4th all you sober rock stars!!! Thanks for your kindness and advice!

Soberpotamus

Hi SonomaGal, I wouldn't worry too much about ranting and having some self-pity in this process of getting sober. I think it really is par for the course If we can't rant and rave a bit on SR, what good is it for? Awareness and mindfulness of where you are, how you feel, what you think... that's a necessary thing in sobriety in order to grow and move forward I think. Happy 4th to you!

waynetheking

I think you're at the point of where the " newness" of sobriety has worn off and now you're dealing with the day to day reality of sobriety. For me that happened around 8 to 10 months. But the good news is that this too will go away and your going to get very comfortable with not drinking. You'll see. Just give it some time. This to shall pass.