Mirage74

I was staying with a family member a couple of weeks ago, day 2 of sobriety. Suddenly, an argument was sparked and they accused me of drinking the night before. I hadn't. They were adamant, felt malicious, like they were looking for an excuse to kick me out. Fortunately I have moved on into another place and have not since spoken to them.

Anyone, a wife, husband, friend, brother, sister, parent, etc. ever done this to you since you got sober? I'll say, it's an accusation I did not like, even so early in sobriety.

Gilmer

Yes. My husband did it two days ago. I had gone to the store and my eyes got super dried out, so I was rubbing them. I guess he got suspicious that I'd stopped off at a bar.

First, I would never do that--second, I suspect I'm too old for bars!

Soberpotamus

Yes, occasionally my husband will sniff at my mouth when we're hugging or greeting each other after being away. He's still afraid that I'll drink again. I really think this is so common. Because they are helpless to stop us. And they are afraid.

Now, if you're referring to who I think you are her motives are probably a little skewed. But I think you already know this. Anyway, I am happy to hear you've moved out and into a place away from family. Because I know what a trigger they are for you.

Mountainmanbob

6 years of sobriety
Once someone heard that I was drinking
When I was not

Maybe some people just want to cause trouble

Better them than I


MM

Soberpotamus

Mine get red sometimes because of my contacts and he has asked me if I had been drinking because of it

KAD

My ex-SO used to inhale through her nose every time she greeted me with a kiss. She thought I didn't notice what she was doing, but I did. There were a couple times she questioned me when I hadn't been drinking. It did irritate me. But then...there were a couple other times she questioned me when I had been drinking and I denied it. So, like SoberJennie said, sometimes they don't know what to do.

Not saying that's anything like the situation you described, just adding my 2 cents.

Mirage74

Yep, Jen, you know who it was. Who else? Ha

I guess it's all in presentation too. If it's out of concern, it's one thing. If it's accusatory and inflammatory, it's kind of a trigger.

MB, now if someone is spreading false rumors, that's a whole nother can of worms. Sorry to hear that happened.

Soberpotamus

Hehe, yeah he inhales too and I definitely know what he's doing

Gottalife

I dont think that has ever happened to me, but I can remember one or two occasions where someone has been accused of drinking, and they have been. One was a lady in a meeting, not long out of rehab, complaining that her husband had been making such accusations. She was obviously drunk, but flat out denied it.

Then there was my mother who could barely stand up, then fell over the coffee table, again slurred words of denial.

I think it's the denial that does the damage in relationships. Having been lied to so many times, our loved ones don't always recognise when we are being truthful, they are afraid, and we did a lot to make them like that.

Gilmer

I know my husband certainly caught me in lies a lot...

Archelon

yes I have, and I have "accused" others..well have asked if they had been drinking and turned out they had not.

sometimes because they were acting silly, sometimes because I thought I smell alcohol on them, or red eyes, or even acid reflux they get when they drink.

it happens, not always malicious. Sometimes because someone cares or is worried, for themselves or us.

I'm sorry if they accused you to be mean or as an excuse to not let you stay. If you were a destructive drunk and they feared you were drinking, maybe they were afraid for their home.

sometimes it takes a long time to erase the ticks beside our name

CAPTAINZING2000

When I drank, there was no denying it.

Why do you suppose they asked? Did you give them any reason too?

It's a long process regaining people's trust once we lose it.
Continue to stay sober and they won't have anything to accuse you of.

Nonsensical

Yes, several times.

todd6138

I just finished shaving before an AA meeting and used after shave lotion. After the meeting the chairperson came to me and said a newcomer complained that I smelled like booze. I thought he was joking, but he actually told me he didn't appreciate me coming into the meeting drunk. I just laughed but I can tell you that I copped a major resentment because he didn't believe me. Later I learned he had an inoperable brain tumor and died; I learned that I have to let things go.

Mirage74

They more accused than asked. I think they knew I wasn't drinking, just want to fight dirty.

You're right, if you haven't drank, at least you know.

ScottFromWI

Don't expect people to magically believe everything you say just because you have been sober a couple weeks. I was accused many times in the past and probably deservedly so. I lied to myself and others about my drinking for decades. Rome wasn't built in a day as they say.

MIRecovery

I have found that trust is hard to destroy and even harder to recover. Trust is something I earn back each day I'm sober. I blame no one that does not trust me because there mistrust is well founded.

I am not that person any more and I pray someday they will believe it

caboblanco

how about this..I couldn't remember if i drank or not....like just that day..did you ever get that?

Mirage74

No, never had that happen cabo.

I suppose you do have to rebuild trust. It's strange, they pretend I don't have a problem. Sort of like they think if you act like a problem doesn't exist, it goes away. Only in reality it doesn't. So for them to accuse me of drinking is out of the ordinary, bc then they have to admit I have a problem. It's messed up.

Mirage74

And I know ScottfromWI, I can't control how others act, only how I react, I got it. ddc4c

I'm realizing how hard it is to let that go. I don't think I'm ready for that yet.