Is it alcohol or is it me?
 

Hello Everyone,

I am only on day 1 and not feeling too good. Emotionally, I am a mess. So depressed and lonely. Every single person I know is in a relationship, getting married, married, or having kids. And I am 29 and have never had a relationship. Maybe that is because of ten years of alcoholism. I miss having friends. I have them, but they've all disappeared into relationships and family life and here I am alone. What a terrible feeling. Not sure how I've ended up like this when all I've ever wanted was to be loved.

People say it is impossible to be loved by another person if you don't love yourself. I used to love myself, but over the past five years and many many bad decisions, I don't even like myself right now. This makes it hard to be on the job market, which I am right now. My life just feels empty, which has made it impossible for me to put down the booze. I don't have a spouse or kids to care about and my friends aren't around so part of me thinks...no one cares if I am drinking except maybe my parents and they are in a different city.

I used to have an optimistic view of the future. But unemployment and my single status has me so depressed. I can't afford a therapist every week and I don't want to inundate the few friends I have with all of these problems. So the only solution i can think of is wine.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? Did quitting drinking make it worse or better?

For me, quitting drinking made everything better. It took a while for me to adjust to a sober life, but it was worth the effort to get there. :)

Wine is not a good solution to anything. It only adds to the problems you face. Put down the wine. Try volunteering somewhere. Get out of your own head and do something good for someone else. I promise it will make you feel better. :hug:

Thank you both for your replies. I think right now I am stuck in the mentality of hopelessness that nothing will improve in my life. I haven't drank today and have felt extremely depressed. Dwelling on the past, hating alcohol, wondering what to do with my life and if I will ever meet anyone. On and on and on.

Seems like these things come so easily to everyone else. Cow are you sure EVERYONE has felt this way at one point? Least, you are right that i need to get out of my own head. Just not sure how because my usual coping mechanism (wine) has always been my only relief when i start to feel like this.

How did people get through the first period of sobriety?

Sobriety gave me a life better than anything I could have imagined

You just have to get out and find things to do. Aren't there some nice parks or trails near you where you can take a daily walk? I remember way back when I first decided I was going to cut back on my alcohol consumption. I filled the empty hours with tennis and a lot of it. I joined a club and got on a hitting partner list and pretty soon I was joining tournaments. Then on days off I would ride my bike to a park where they had a wall for hitting and I would practice my shots. I made a bunch of friends at the club and a bunch of them joined me at various outdoor parks to play instead of the club which cost money to rent the court.

It felt good to get exercise and it made me not want to drink. I doubt the endorphin release hurt either as it probably helped my overall mood. There are free ways you can find partners to do something like play tennis and of course you can always do the nice walks or bike rides. You won't be the only one out there and you'll feel like you've accomplished something.

Do whatever it takes to stay sober. My best advice. Cow is right. Better to do it while you're young. Life looks bleak now, but it won't always! Do thinks to distract yourself and divert your attention until your brain and emotions begin to heal, and some of the kinks do begin to work themselves out. Get into some regular exercise and a good nutritious diet. That helps so much!

Katie, ever notices how the future stretches out forever and the past seems to have flown by? Ask yourself where you want to be in a year's time.

It seems like a year is soooo long when you have it in front of you and you're struggling to get through one day without drinking. Yet a year will be gone before you know; do you want it to be a year where you won the battle against alcoholism, or one you wasted with a wine?

Cow, is right too. Some of the most famous people in history had terrible low times when they doubted everything they were working for. Hold your nerve.

Katie88,

My heart goes out to you, ...because I've been in the same place myself. Once I grabbed on to sobriety, everything slowly began changing. Not only my circumstances , but the way I saw life through a different lens.

I can still remember thinking ; ..."damn, has it been this easy for everybody all along"

I was blinded to the major handicap I was throwing in my own path, ...for years.

Cow is right about just getting to some support meeting. Someone will find you who understands.

Take care, and keep the faith in these early days KT,


We've all been through it, ...and it's so worth it
TS

Hi Katie.
Life will begin to seem a lot better after even short amount of time.
Someone said on another thread here about a wino hamster wheel.
Get off the wheel and see how life looks.
I wish you all the best.

Katie88.....drinking makes it sooooo much worse. Trust me, no matter where you are in life or career , we all looked in the mirror and loathed what was staring back. Once I stopped I could actually look myself in the eye and feel like I accomplished something. As the days roll on its amazing how much better you will feel about yourself. It will alleviate your depression too . You can do this . We've all felt what you are feeling and are here to support you .

well being rediculously depressed is one big symptom of drinking. It can kinda be tough too when you first sober up because your life and everything about it can sorta smack you in the face. It will get better and the kicker is quiting drinking does wonders at helping you get better. You kinda gotta take it one bite at a time dont let problems overwhelm you. You cant fix everything all at once. but you can step by step in time resolve your issues.

Your climbing out of the pit is all it sure beats wallowing in it. It'll get much better.

Katie,
haven't met one person who hasn't felt just like that at one time or another.
or at twenty-seven times, or ninety-three....

great to see you giving this another shot.
truth is, chances are good if wine is your solution you will feel solution-less, because you now don't have a solution.
make sense?

so quitting might end up making those feelings "worse" at first, cause you now are not using the old "go-to".

give yourself time, expect upheavals, and you will find things changing.

what helped me lots at the beginning was tons of interaction on a forum and tons of reading other people's stories of how they recovered. and hope/belief that since hundreds of thousands of ####### had done this, so could i!
yes, really! putting it in those terms helped me.

way to go on day one!

"They say there's someone for everyone
I've heard it again and again
I've come to believe
My prince and his steed
Have been hit by an oncoming train"

I wrote that in my mid-20's. I'm in my 40's now. I am unmarried and have no children.
I have had relationships...many actually...mostly "buses" I kind of rode for a few months..then hopped off (or was dumped off). Some more serious.

But I was hammered through all of them.
Underneath my drinking was a terror of real and true intimacy.

Sober and up my friend and get to know yourself again...or maybe ..for the very first time.

We are all here fighting the good fight with you.

I was there 3 years ago.

Not today.

Drinking made it bearable, but it was pretty bad. Not drinking just made things more clear, so I did something about it and started living and working on me....

You can do this sober thing, too!!!!! It's awesomely better!

Drinking clearly makes everything worse. If nothing else, hang out on SR - it helps! Then when you get some sobriety under your belt, you can begin to seek the friends and relationships that you desire, and the rest will fall into place.

I've been surrounded by all the relationships I could ever want: a wonderful wife; happy, smart, loving kids; great colleagues; and extended family. And yet, because of my mental state and gradual descent into the abyss of alcohol abuse, I was as lonely as if I had nobody. The common denominator was me.

Today, I can enjoy everyone and everything around me to the fullest. Only with a healthy mind and spirit is that possible.

Hi Katie88! I saw the title of your thread and just instantly thought, "it's the alcohol." At least, for me, I didn't have any idea who or what I was/could be until I quit drinking. Some problems I had or thought I had when I was drinking went away, others looked really different, and others turned out to be real -- but there was no way any of them were going to get better as long as I was drinking.

Wine is not a solution and you are not a problem. I hope you decide to quit for real -- you'll be uncomfortable at first, but then I'm betting you'll start to see a lot more possibilities in life. :)

BTW I love this quote, Nuudawn...so very true.

Cutting out the booze was just the beginning from me. I could do "sobriety" as it relates to not drinking.......but I couldn't seem to find (anymore) a way to do it AND enjoy life. The booze was a vital beginning though. Had to get free of that so I'd be in a position to make some effective changes on the stuff that was at the root of the drinking...