SonomaGal

Hi there! I'm nearly 8.5 months sober and wondering about others experience with this timeframe as well as 9 to 12 months. I'm doing well, though still have some low feeling days and or weeks (PAWS).

I'm curious why people say the 9 month timeframe is so hard, and if that's been your experience? On the other hand I've heard that after 8 or 9 months it's smooth sailing? Since I don't attend a traditional recovery program, SR is where I get advice. Your experience is much appreciated!!

methodman1019

Hi SonomaGal,

I just pasted the 10 month mark on July 1. Here's where I am at the moment:

- There are times (spurts of 2-3 days) where I can be completely irritable, grumpy and sad. Heck, this might be normal and I wouldn't know.
- Most of the time I find myself in a very good mood, plenty of energy, and general contentment
- I still find my mind races with all the things I want to investigate and attempt as far as new things and generally getting my life in order. Sometimes this still overwhelms me. Lately I find I can talk myself into slowing down and giving myself a break
- With everyday I find my mind is getting sharper in the sense, I don't know, like I'm much more logical and intelligent about things. It's hard to explain
- I bet follks say this is a hard time because of the amount of time we've put between us and the AV. My AV wants to mess with me quite a bit lately. I find it's much more just a passing thought that can be shrugged off. Quite a difference from the early days. So hopefully at this mark in our recovery we have the tools and mindset to easily deal with those passing thoughts. I'll admit, they have been more numerous.
- With a lot of things in my rearview mirror, I also find myself taking a closer inventory on my deepest feelings, convictions, and opinions. A discovery on how I view the world, my family, my wife, and my goals. I find myself really pondering this stuff on a daily basis.


That's a quick walkthrough. I'm sure I could continue to write on all the things I'm discovering daily. In general, I'm pretty darn OK with everything. I still think about my recovery everyday -- make sure I'm going in the right direction. I basically read SR everyday (I have it open at work all day long so I can read and keep stuff fresh in my mind). There might be folks ahead of me in the game, but I guess it's not a race.

All the best,
Methodman

RecklessEric

Hi.
Congrats on your 8.5 months.
I'm starting all over again sadly, but I remember that time well. I had lots of energy and was really enjoying life.
Word of caution, don't get complacent.
I'm really happy for you.

ScottFromWI

The first 12 month was filled with "firsts" for me - the first birthday sober, the first deer hunting camp sober, the first holiday season sober, etc. Since I quit just after new years, it was almost a full calendar year sober before I wen through the holiday season ( Christmas/New Years ) sober and it was difficult. I would say though that by 9 months I was mostly void of intense cravings and much happier in my own skin.

I still have issues with anxiety from time to time, but I probably did for years and just masked it by drinking - just learning how to deal with it better now.

Stoogy

I'm around the 8 month mark in a few weeks and I too have plenty energy most days but I do still have days where I lack motivation and energy to do tasks but on the whole things are getting better thankfully, I'm just eager to get this first year out of the way to be honest, it is my birthday in a couple of weeks and it will be my first since I quit but I'm sure I'll be fine.

zjw

I think there is a breaking the daily routine thing that you over come there is also the mess in your head that you over come At 9 months I felt better but still had some anxiety. I was past just going throught he motions I had broken the daily habit of drinking. I didnt really miss it either. I had over come some hurdles IE not drinking around the holidays and such like that.

It was not too hard from there to stay sober and get to the 1 year mark for me. But life was still very hard. I still had a serious lack in coping skills and I still had anxiety. My panic was long since gone etc..

I hit the 1 year mark and thought now what? LIke I had done a year now what? can i go drink now? the thrill of going a year sober had come and gone I had beaten a years worth of challenges problems holidays excuses to drink etc.. I felt I had won but I was not complacent.

at 3 years I still lack coping skills. i still have some anxiety issues and I still have socilization issues. while things have all improved and its night and day in comparison to how it was I still got things to work on.

If i walked into a bar I dunno that I'd twitch at this point at 9 months I would have and did once. I really would not have liked being in a place that sold / served booze at that point. I could probably handle it better now but I'll be honest it doesnt bring back great memories and I dont have a big desire to go back to any of those places even with someone else whos just buyen for themselves. I see the beer section in the store and I still get sad. Part of me misses those various typs of beers and wishes I could drink again and part of me remembers the horrors and how terrible life was. I wont dare set foot in that section.

Brian316

Hello my sister in sobriety! I will relate some of what im feeling sharing your sobriety date. Most of mine have been posted already. I have discovered i have a.bit of a short fuse emotionally every 2-3 days. I deal with this through prayer and AA meetings. I feel i need about 5 meetings a week to feel "right". They help to give me direction and ease my spirit. I am more focused overall. I feel a.bit more intelligent and intense. I am able to communicate better verbally. I have more energy. MUCH less worry and stress. I only get an AV once in a while and it never goes anywhere. I want to do all sorts of things. These are just some random things. I feel grateful to be sober and i thank my higher power who i choose to call God, that i dont have to drink today.

EndGameNYC

I had intense, daily cravings every day for most of my first year. Towards the middle of that year, I got serious about my recovery and focused on virtually nothing else. If I had not done so, I would have picked up the drink and resumed destroying my life and made everyone with whom I had contact miserable.

Sadly, many people relapse during the closing months of their first year, most of whom -- I believe -- carry a history of self-sabotage. And many also celebrate their first year by drinking within weeks or days of their anniversary. Others think, "Is that all there is?" and then decide that they were having "more fun," were "less boring," or that, now that they've done a year, they can easily do it again if things get bad during their relapse. Acting on any of these distorted thought processes always ends in tears. But only if you're very lucky.

FeelingGreat

I'd probably warn against focusing too much on the anniversary, awesome though it is, because it's really a life-time effort.
Dangers: thinking about drinking too much, giving up after a year, impatience, self-sabotage.

1newcreation

I was definitely RID no matter how many mtgs went to, prayed, did steps etc coz my biggest issue was why am I doing all this work, trying to make an effort but nthg seemed to be changing. What didn't realise then was didnt cause all that chaos & destruction in 1mth or 1yr so it's going to take a while to have things restored mentally/emotionally not just materially. That's why staying accountable is sooo key for me today

GracieLou

I was nine months sober on my birthday. It felt so symbolic to me. I created a new life, me, and I was so grateful that I don’t think I was worrying to much about my year anniversary. I was also asked to lead and I was whirling about that so much I didn’t have time to think of anything else.

Now I don’t even think about a lead, I just do it, but at the time it kept me from thinking about much else. Hmmm I might have to run that past my sponsor, I think she may have snuck one of her tricks in on me again…lol

That last month though, it felt like I held my breath for the entire time.

matt4x4

Getting close to milestones can be dangerous in the early years. 1-5yrs.
Self sabotage, etc is quite common. But if you put one foot in front of the other and do whats ahead of you, one day at a time. I find the time just flies by, I would say for myself from about 6mo to 1.5yrs it went slow, then 2-14yrs went quickly, like too quick. Its still going quick now, try to just live for today. It works out in the end.

fishsmacker

Hmm wow,,this is a good thread. Its got me thinking. I now realize that Im still early in recovery also,I'm at ten months now.I realize this is the thread Ive been needing to see. I do think that maybe for me there is still some light PAWS going on( still high on life ),but my life has changed in a Mega Huge way,and for the better on all angles. I catch myself thinking about what I did to myself and also thoughts of messing up. But as life is laying it all out for me,I get tested daily,and deal with it 1 day at a time. It is getting easier to function normally and the habit is fading fast, now that I recall all of it. I had some very serious withdrawal issues and am sure that you all did as well. Been finding myself honing my skills lately,that I havent used in years,plus being more active physically. We cannot revert,we must beat our addictions with great intensity!!! Now we need to live as intended,Respect Life and be decent everyday honest caring loving people. Peace

KeyHeart

When I was counting days I heard the first 90 days were difficult. After 90 days, heard the first year was difficult. Then I heard the first five years were difficult. Then I heard that in the second year a lot of people relapse.
Life is life. And I do take it one day at a time, keeping my head where my feet are. My sobriety is an amazing gift and a hard day sober beats a good day wasted. Oh, wait there never were any good wasted days.

RobbyRobot

My experience in the end of the first year around 11 months was to be able to look back and see the differences my working my early sobriety had accomplished. Like night and day for me, and I knew for myself before my 1st anniversary I would never relapse. Knowing is different than is believing, imo. Knowing with a surety is not like having hope, faith, and such - knowing is knowing

So my final few months of my first year, back in 1981, my life took off like a rocket when compared to what I was living prior to my sobriety. My success in my first year was entirely relative to me alone coming from where I came from that is clear enough. By most standards of so-called normal, my life was still a deranged mess for a 24 yr old, lol. Still though, I was abundantly blessed with opportunities to make good, and I took as much advantage as I could for who I was at the time. As it turns out, I made the right core choices, learning from my mistakes as much as from my success. Learning by experience is my go-to philosophy on life.

I think relapses happen not by individual choice when it comes right down to it, imo. I know, most guys like to think its all about their power of choice and so on, and for me all that does is setup themselves up for early justification of that next future drink - they own it, and they blame themselves, yada yada... and so what do they care since obviously they wanted to drink anyways. I'm always amazed how often those who relapse blame themselves again and again as they relapse again and again - clueless how they previously set themselves up way before they actually relapsed.

Me, I don't play blame games with myself about alcoholism or much else for that matter. Responsibility and blame are not the same experience, and they both bring different results from different causations.

It's interesting to me I haven't relapsed, and those that have relapsed mostly disagree with my observations on relapsing, even while they blame themselves for relapsing...

Some guys just don't want to be responsible for themselves is what I've learned. How ironic.

Stay relaxed about being in whatever your timeline is in your personal recovery SonomalGal. You make all the difference in your own life, so be easy with yourself. Whatever everyone else is doing about relapsing getting to the one year mark, none of us have to settle with being lemmings in a doomed crowd of justifiers who are hell-bent on satisfying what they see for themselves in their own crystal ball, yeah?

RobbyRobot

The other thing I meant to mention is I've lost the power of choice in my alcoholic drinking. What this means for me is that given a choice to drink or not, I've already made the choice to drink many years ago, and I'm responsible for that still existing choice. Even years later, with decades of sobriety, its still the same story: I long ago lost the power of choice in my alcoholic drinking. There is no cure or runaround for my alcoholism. I am responsible for the consequences of my alcoholism and my sobriety. I started drinking at 12 years old. I lost my choice to drink shortly thereafter. When I tried to quit at 18 and couldn't actually be successful in quitting until I was 24, it became all to clear I had lost control of my choice to drink. All I had left was a choice to quit. And here I am.

Justified blame is useless as a philosophy. Its entire experience is self-serving when put into practice, speaking from experience.

huntingtontx

I will be at one year in a couple of days. For me the first few months were exciting. I can do this!!! Then as that wore off, it was like, I like being sober, but from time to time thought about drinking. My last want to drink was when we put the pool up and I thought about the drink holder in the float, and was sad that I could not have a wine cooler. The funny part of that is I never liked wine coolers. LOL Anyway, the last few months have mostly been peaceful. I do a lot of thinking, all the things you bury in alcohol have to be dealt with. Mostly, I am just happy alcohol does not control my life. I wish you well. Great topic. I loved reading all the replies.

Soberpotamus

My experience has been a gradual change over a 460 day period. I wouldn't say that months 8 or 9 were radically different than months 7 or 14. And I wouldn't say that after the year mark things are smooth sailing. My progress wouldn't be linear on a chart. It would show some zigzagging, ups and downs. I will say that my year birthday felt like any other day to me. And I'm glad it did. I'm not downplaying my accomplishment, but it was important to me (and still is), that I see this as a life change over the long haul. I'm proud of my sober time, but personal growth is what I'm after now. I think it's very important to see beyond counting days. PAWS was much more frequent in the first six months. I still have what are referred to as PAWS symptoms but much less frequently.

jdooner

I am at just over ten months. My journey is chronicled in my posts but in summary I had a moment of clarity that allowed me to begin last August. I had no idea how bad I was. I became a daily drinker and would get drunk off two martinis towards the end (reverse tolerance). I was also consuming 2-3l of vodka a week with benders where cocaine was involved. Truth is the coke was what really scared me. I felt utterly powerless and would run up 10-17k bills in a night and I am not Charlie Sheen or have his bank account.

I had a good friend help get me into AA. I liked it at first and got scared it was a cult around four months. I ran into RR and began posting about how much AA was brainwashing on SR. But with RR and the rhetoric I felt uneasy. Perhaps nothing to do with the program and everything to do with me but I felt uneasy. So I returned to AA with my tail between my legs. That was around five months.

I changed my diet around five months and had developed some real lasting friendships through SR. I was also seeing a therapist once a week. I worked my steps too. Around six months I began trusting my program and tested it in Jackosn hole, Wyoming on a biz trip. My faith was building and I was open to my spirituality and mindfulness through meditation. Due to diet weight was shedding off too, which helps.

This whole time as I look back I was white knuckling though. I figured this out around 9 mons in when my wife read my 4th step inventory. Ideation of suicide returned and lots of self harm thoughts. I remained sober but I was broken and realized how broken I was. At what I would say was a new low personally I had a very spiritual experience, which has changed me. I also changed my sponsor and have a renewed purpose and plan of action. The past weeks I have had no thoughts of drinking and a faith that is stronger than ever before. Is this a pink cloud? Maybe. It does not feel that way.

If I relapse I know I will die. I still have lots of things and what people from the outside view as much to live for. However, I know I don't have another quit, for me. It has to do with deep insecurities, which can lead to everything being grandiose including a relapse. I also understand how quickly I can move to the pain and engage in self harm. I also have no desire to ever return to the life I led. So for me it's a simple decision of life or death complicated by a lots of daily plans of execution.

For me I failed to see the problem throughout the first nine months, which was looking in the mirror and seeing JD. Now I am dealing with me through AAs 12 steps and a new sponsor, which is working for me.

I wish you the best and appreciate your contributions.

Leshar

Great thread, thanks, and well done on your 8.5 months!
Your question and the responses have helped me a great deal as I reflect on where I am now at one year of sobriety (yesterday). It's a timely issue for me.

I now realize thanks to SR, that PAWS is a very real entity to be contended with. I've battled this big time through the year and believe I still am doing so.
I agree with many that whilst it's great to mark milestones, one should realize that this is a life long effort. There is no linear improvement in my opinion, with time elapsed! I think too many fall into the trap of believing this and white knuckle their way along!

Now, I realize that I need more in a recovery program and I'm tentatively looking at AA. I say tentatively, because of a trust issue, which I posted about elsewhere.

Good luck as you continue on your journey!