Boxkidone

Ive always been know by friends and family as a big drinker . Never sloppy, no legal issues, hockey coach , etc...a truly high functioning ******* . Little things have been popping up in my sobriety that have made me think I wasn't the magician I thought I was . Im looking at some of my relationships and am beginning to realize why " I was overlooked at the carpool and stood up at the dance with no twist and shout " as John Hiatt so wisely said. Couple nights ago at my sons Lacrosse game , I asked the lady taking tickets where I knew her from. She responded in front of my group " I worked at the liquor store for years , you don't remember me ?" ....no I didn't .The only time I stopped at this store was at the very end of the evening , right before they closed when I " needed " a few more nips . After nailing the original 4 , I would buy 3 more . Drink one and pass out on the couch . Pathetic. Not feeling down, just venting at the ridiculous movie that I used to star in.

Bubovski

Many decades of alcoholism taught me how really cunning this disease can be.
Functional alcoholics tend to get sucked in by their own hype.
WE don't need to be extreme cases to be afflicted badly either; superficial
improvements may simply herald a really bad fall some time ahead.
It is this risk, along with other considerations, that sees me here, and with AA.

PurpleKnight

Been there, got the T-Shirt!! . . . some of the memories can be madness!!

Boleo

IMNSHO Delusional thinking is the root cause of addiction. Most people confuse delusional thinking with foolish thinking or inferior thinking.

However, delusional thinking as I now see it is simply false, superior thinking. Me telling myself that I know better than everybody else...

ScottFromWI

When you think about it, it would be impossible to be an alcoholic without fooling yourself. How else could you justify poisoning yourself on a daily basis? Glad you overcame it and saw the truth.

Brian316

We never have to go there again my friend.

Groucho

During my last couple of years of drinking, my (now ex) wife was constantly reminding me about conversations that I had apparently forgotten. No legal issues here either and I (somehow) kept my job, but my brain had become Swiss cheese. I definitely do not miss that feeling.

SonomaGal

In particular I like the movie I used to star in bit. It's pretty exciting to know you can create write your own script now.

Cow

I never delusional, just hell bent. But still, I look back over 30+ year of addiction and it give me chills how sick a brain can be and how persistent and determine alcoholism is to march through any amount of pain, humiliation and suffering and carry right on.

Raider

Box, you really thought you were hiding it? I don't fool anyone but me. Keep up the good work.

Boxkidone

Sonoma Gal , it is exciting that I can write a new script. I actually feel and am looking at things a bit differently now. Hopefully , making a dent in the 20+ years of arrested development that my thinking ( with a tip of the cap to Stoli and Newcastle Brown ) has caused. My head is on a swivel by constantly reminding myself that this calmness and serenity of clear thought is OK and I don't need booze to have fun . I tend to edge toward the extreme , fast bikes, cars , booze, coke , etc....I could talk myself into " This life is boring " and be right back into a 12Pak and a pint on a daily basis. Honestly, SF has been just as much , if not more, of a resource than AA. Still hitting the meetings, but the ability to log on and get immediate feedback/ help / support from SF itches that OCD part of my personality.