Starting Again. Day 1
 

I've been on a bender since last Thursday.
I got so drunk that I passed out in front of my daughter.
But today is the start. Again.
I have a lot of fences to mend and a lot of trust to try build back up.
I feel horrible, physically and mentally.
But I stopped before, so I know I can do it again.
The trick is staying stopped.
I let my defences down and became really casual about recovery.
So here goes again!

Welcome back!! . . . great job on making the decision!!

Are you getting enough support? meetings? etc . . . as you say the previous plan became too casual!!

You can do this!! :)

Welcome back, Eric.

Congrats on making this your day 1 and hope you stick around for a while this time. There's lots of support here if you are really ready to stop this time.

Look forward to seeing you around.

Thanks guys.
I'll be getting meetings and restarting CBT.
And I'll certainly be around here.

Welcome back aboard Eric. Glad to hear you have a solid plan to move forward, that's really what it takes.

RecklessEric - There's no doubt you can get back on track & do this!

Good to see you back here. Let's get it done this time. :)

My has asked me not to come home for a while.
I can understand that.
But the addict in me wants to go home and start putting things right straight away.
Time, however, is needed.
Have that horrible physical feeling.
Bad anxiety too.
But slowly does it.

I'm in work right now.
Have to go to the city centre to pick a kid up from a police station. He's drunk and aggressive.
I would rather be ANYWHERE else.
Still, up and at 'em, eh?

.

Good luck, is it your child or part of your job to do this?

My job.
Young people in state care.
He's in bed now.
What a day!

Day 2.
Not feeling half as bad.
Spending some time with my little girl.
I love her so much.
And she really loves me.
Very early days but when my wife decides to speak to me again, I'll feel even better.

Day 3. No work today, and slept long and well. No world cup games today. Boooo!
Reading a good book and just chilling.

Glad you are sticking it out, Eric. 3 whole days is awesome....I clung onto those so much in the beginning...it's so important to look after yourself and pat yourself on the back for taking a positive step.

Day 3 was a tough one for me, be strong and stick around here, you'll be just fine.

Well done Eric.
I'm right there with you.

Glad to hear you're back on the good path Eric.

Also nice to see you around Renard, hope you're doing well!

Day 4.
Off to work for what I know will be a nightmare shift.
But screw it. Who cares?
That's just work.
Feeling ok and on top of things.

Oh man.
Just spoke to my wife on the phone.
She was horrible to me.
She's really hurt by my relapse, I know, but she couldn't even be civil. She won't allow me home at the moment and I asked about visiting my daughter at home for the sake of normality. She's punishing me. I get that.

Welcome back Eric :)

I don't know your wife but I know I let my partner down a lot of times. It took a while for resentments to be worked through and trust to be regained.

I called it taking my lumps. I deserved them, in my case, but they weren't forever :)

D