3 Week Tumble
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2
3 Week Tumble
Hello. This will be my first post. I've been a lurker for roughly 3 years or so, but never had the will or courage to actually sign up and post. I've struggled with addiction for many many years. I finally had my 'enough is enough' moment a few weeks ago.
I had exactly 21 days sober yesterday, I keep track with an app on my phone and it had begun being my new obsession. Then yesterday, something happend, I don't know what, but I just felt this urge, this need, that the right thing to do was get in my car and drive to the bar. It wasn't this 'I need a beer' feeling, it was just an overwhelming feeling that this was what I HAD to do, what was the RIGHT thing to do. So I did. I had 4 beers and 5 cigarettes, and felt as guilty as could be for every drag and sip I had.
I managed to get out after 4, which is definitely a good thing, because thats usually when I really start to put em down and follow up with even worse activities.
Anyway, I feel so dissappointed in myself. I can't believe I did it...again. Today I won't drink. I hope.
Thanks for listening.
I had exactly 21 days sober yesterday, I keep track with an app on my phone and it had begun being my new obsession. Then yesterday, something happend, I don't know what, but I just felt this urge, this need, that the right thing to do was get in my car and drive to the bar. It wasn't this 'I need a beer' feeling, it was just an overwhelming feeling that this was what I HAD to do, what was the RIGHT thing to do. So I did. I had 4 beers and 5 cigarettes, and felt as guilty as could be for every drag and sip I had.
I managed to get out after 4, which is definitely a good thing, because thats usually when I really start to put em down and follow up with even worse activities.
Anyway, I feel so dissappointed in myself. I can't believe I did it...again. Today I won't drink. I hope.
Thanks for listening.
Well you've been duped by your feelings!
Next time they come up ride it out and remember yesterday and your feelings of dissatisfaction.
21 days sober not lost you proved a lot .
You've started posting here now I recommend keeping on here!
John.
Next time they come up ride it out and remember yesterday and your feelings of dissatisfaction.
21 days sober not lost you proved a lot .
You've started posting here now I recommend keeping on here!
John.
Ganx, that's your AV (alcoholic voice) telling you it's ok, you've done three weeks, time to relax. It doesn't seem physical, more like a powerful psychological force. Giving up drinking is a lifetime's work, you can never really relax.
This time round, how can you anticipate the inevitable urge to drink and set your plans for the long term?
This time round, how can you anticipate the inevitable urge to drink and set your plans for the long term?
Welcome to SR.
I used to call that a "break the glass" craving. Like breaking the glass for a fire extinguisher to put out a fire. It is what makes quitting so difficult.
But you can't say "today I won't drink I hope".
The alcoholic mind is really pretty easy to predict of you look at it from the outside. If it thinks there is any chance you will give in. It will throw a tantrum like a kid in a candy store,until it gets it's way.
The option to drink needs to be taken completely off the table. There is not a "I hope" option to it. When you even think there is a craving coming on. You have to tell yourself. I AM NOT GIVING IN. I AM NOT GONNA DRINK,AND I MIGHT AS WELL FORGET IT. For me,when I made myself believe that giving in just was not an option,it was like locking up a viscous dog. But when you are even thinking about giving in you are teasing the dog and making him mad. And if you tease him enough,he will break loose and bite you.
Also,for me. Once I gave in,I got a "whats the use feeling. I gave up last time,I might as well just give up this time". Get that out of your head.
This is a war,and you have to fight to win.
For me. AA helped fight the war. It's hard to do something like this on your own. It helped me to be around other people going through the same thing.
Whatever you do,keep at it. Sober life really is worth it.
Fred
I used to call that a "break the glass" craving. Like breaking the glass for a fire extinguisher to put out a fire. It is what makes quitting so difficult.
But you can't say "today I won't drink I hope".
The alcoholic mind is really pretty easy to predict of you look at it from the outside. If it thinks there is any chance you will give in. It will throw a tantrum like a kid in a candy store,until it gets it's way.
The option to drink needs to be taken completely off the table. There is not a "I hope" option to it. When you even think there is a craving coming on. You have to tell yourself. I AM NOT GIVING IN. I AM NOT GONNA DRINK,AND I MIGHT AS WELL FORGET IT. For me,when I made myself believe that giving in just was not an option,it was like locking up a viscous dog. But when you are even thinking about giving in you are teasing the dog and making him mad. And if you tease him enough,he will break loose and bite you.
Also,for me. Once I gave in,I got a "whats the use feeling. I gave up last time,I might as well just give up this time". Get that out of your head.
This is a war,and you have to fight to win.
For me. AA helped fight the war. It's hard to do something like this on your own. It helped me to be around other people going through the same thing.
Whatever you do,keep at it. Sober life really is worth it.
Fred
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate the input from everyone. The thing that just gets me the most upset was the fact that I was having a great day. It wasn't like I was stressed or under pressure, nothing. Went to work, had a normal day, came home and was fooling around on the computer when it hit me out of no-where. And like I said it wasn't the regular craving I'd come to expect, it was different. I've been working really hard on being in the moment and riding out the craving, I had gotten fairly accustom to that feeling and knowing in my mind I wasn't going to drink, and it would pass. This was an entirely new sensation, every inch of my body and soul was saying this was the right thing to do. Its hard for me to articulate the feeling. Its like seeing an old lady trying to lift a heavy box, you know you have to help her, its only right, you would be a jerk if you just walked by and left her there struggling.
While I'm very disappointed that I'm starting back and day 1, I have gotten a better outlook than I had earlier this morning. It was a new feeling, I'll know next time that its just a lie, like all the others. It just kills me that I manage to make it through my 30th birthday, a good friends home coming from over-seas, and a wedding reception without a drink, then on a random Saturday afternoon, I crumble. I feel defeated.
But today I know I won't drink. Again, thank you.
While I'm very disappointed that I'm starting back and day 1, I have gotten a better outlook than I had earlier this morning. It was a new feeling, I'll know next time that its just a lie, like all the others. It just kills me that I manage to make it through my 30th birthday, a good friends home coming from over-seas, and a wedding reception without a drink, then on a random Saturday afternoon, I crumble. I feel defeated.
But today I know I won't drink. Again, thank you.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
I've crossed the street to go get alcohol when every atom in my body is screaming no. It was like invasion of the body snatchers....and waiting for the "green man", as I crossed the road, I felt my AV just fighting with my sober self.
Now I don't engage with the AV. It has it's little grumble and we move on. I realised I control my body, not the AV.
Nevertheless.....Break Glass moment is good! Noted!
Three weeks is wonderful Ganx ...I know what you mean about feeling good and then you go and sabotage yourself.....but remember is only one day AND only 4 drinks...could have been much worse...so hang in there and keep going. And as everyone says the AV is your enemy..... I have a feeling you will do well especially if you stay with SR ...
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