Day 14 and dealing with infidelity
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 120
Day 14 and dealing with infidelity
As I posted about here a while back, I had a one-night relapse 14 days ago today. Since then, I've been going to a lot of meetings (not 14 in 14, but fairly close), shopping around for a home group that I like, reading tons of SR.com and reddit's r/stopdrinking, reading a book on addiction and so on. I've also come clean about my alcohol problem with my family and am receiving a lot of support there.
Well, today has sucked. I found out that my wife has been unfaithful - not necessarily physically, but enough to be a real problem. We had a massive fight about it before she left for work this morning and in the middle of it, she started going on about my drinking problems - "Oh yeah? Well you're just a damn alcoholic!" and "it's not like you've never done anything wrong!" and so on, as though that somehow excuses her cheating while I've been sober.
I can't understand the mindset that would equate infidelity with alcohol addiction. I have certainly not been easy to deal with when I was an active alcoholic, and I've done some pretty awful things, but I didn't choose to be an addict and am actively working on recovery. She has chosen to cheat on her partner, while he is in recovery.
At the very least, I have no impulse to drink today. Drinking is 90% of how I wound up in a relationship with this woman (broke up with her while sober, went back to her when I was drunk), drinking has damaged whatever relationship we've had, and drinking today will do nothing to solve my problems.
She should be home at 5 today. I fully intend on being at my 7:30 AA meeting, regardless of whether she's still around or not. Frankly, I don't give a damn if she is or not. I am getting sober for myself.
Well, today has sucked. I found out that my wife has been unfaithful - not necessarily physically, but enough to be a real problem. We had a massive fight about it before she left for work this morning and in the middle of it, she started going on about my drinking problems - "Oh yeah? Well you're just a damn alcoholic!" and "it's not like you've never done anything wrong!" and so on, as though that somehow excuses her cheating while I've been sober.
I can't understand the mindset that would equate infidelity with alcohol addiction. I have certainly not been easy to deal with when I was an active alcoholic, and I've done some pretty awful things, but I didn't choose to be an addict and am actively working on recovery. She has chosen to cheat on her partner, while he is in recovery.
At the very least, I have no impulse to drink today. Drinking is 90% of how I wound up in a relationship with this woman (broke up with her while sober, went back to her when I was drunk), drinking has damaged whatever relationship we've had, and drinking today will do nothing to solve my problems.
She should be home at 5 today. I fully intend on being at my 7:30 AA meeting, regardless of whether she's still around or not. Frankly, I don't give a damn if she is or not. I am getting sober for myself.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
First I am sorry you are dealing with this two weeks in. Congrats on the sobriety. However, all is not lost and I don't recommend running to a divorce attorney.
If your an alcoholic/addict like myself then by all means it's similar. You had an affair wit a bottle and were likely emotionally and physically absent from the marriage. Try to give her a break on this one.
It sounds like your marriage has damage but the fact you have anger and not apathy is a good sign. It usually means there is love buried under the drama and pain. Healing takes time and trust. Given trust is likely gone you can rebuild.
I am speaking from experience and my marriage has been resuscitated several times over the past ten months.
Good luck!
If your an alcoholic/addict like myself then by all means it's similar. You had an affair wit a bottle and were likely emotionally and physically absent from the marriage. Try to give her a break on this one.
It sounds like your marriage has damage but the fact you have anger and not apathy is a good sign. It usually means there is love buried under the drama and pain. Healing takes time and trust. Given trust is likely gone you can rebuild.
I am speaking from experience and my marriage has been resuscitated several times over the past ten months.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hi,
Here's an article based on research. Now you might be willing to walk for the very same reasons. I don't mean to be rude in my brevity, but I am from F&F side.
3 Signs Your Wife Will Cheat On You
Here's an article based on research. Now you might be willing to walk for the very same reasons. I don't mean to be rude in my brevity, but I am from F&F side.
3 Signs Your Wife Will Cheat On You
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