Filing for divorce tomorrow ....
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I tortured myself over my divorce. Probably didn't help that I was just about at the peak of my alcoholism. It just seemed so "bad."
I had a similar feeling about getting sober....."it was going to be horrible."
Over time, I've come to see that both events were in my best interest and have led to more joy in my life than had nothing changed. Surrender and acceptance....then taking the steps/actions I need to take to move on have disproved the vast majority of the fears I've had.
That said, it can still be a turbulent time, emotionally speaking. If you'd ever like to talk about it, i'm willing to listen.
Mike
I had a similar feeling about getting sober....."it was going to be horrible."
Over time, I've come to see that both events were in my best interest and have led to more joy in my life than had nothing changed. Surrender and acceptance....then taking the steps/actions I need to take to move on have disproved the vast majority of the fears I've had.
That said, it can still be a turbulent time, emotionally speaking. If you'd ever like to talk about it, i'm willing to listen.
Mike
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Sorry to hear about that. I went through it about 5 years ago now. She's remarried and it was the part about not seeing my kids every night that tore my heart out the most. Cried everyday for months over them. It will get better. Just keep your wits about you and don't drink. Drinking definitely worsened my depression and made me feel like I was losing my mind. Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Eastern Canada
Posts: 58
I went through a divorce a couple of years ago, after 23 years of marriage (27 together). It's sad, but is also an amazing "open door" for happy things to come - a fresh start, on your terms. Wishing you the very best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Have you thought about legal separation for a while? You are moving very, very quickly. I was crazy in early sobriety and did things I am still paying for. Be delicate with yourself and try not to make huge decisions like a divorce. But if there is no repair then mediation can be swifter.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Careful buddy...you and I are alike in some ways. I thought the same stuff in early sobriety too. I posted about this stuff here. But hell, I would have made some really bad deicsions had I gone through with all of them. As is, I am paying for crap I did back then now.
Try not to do things that are final in the first year. Its great advice that I didn't want to listen to either but now wish I had. I want you to be happy. But just like drinking and using you don't want short term happiness just to end some pain if it does not create lasting happiness. It is unlikely you know the difference right now, which is why these big decisions are best left for a clearer head later on. You can still get a divorce in 6 months or a year.
I am shocked if you have been honest with your lawyer they would advise you that this is a good idea.
Can you see that you desire to "Just want DONE..." is the same as a drink? I drank to get out of my head temporarily. It worked well, actually until it didn't. The impulsive decisions are great for a temp relief. Sometimes they are right but often they are wrong, because they are being made by your ego. Try to hold on man, fight the urge to make the knee jerk - that is the best thing I can share
Try not to do things that are final in the first year. Its great advice that I didn't want to listen to either but now wish I had. I want you to be happy. But just like drinking and using you don't want short term happiness just to end some pain if it does not create lasting happiness. It is unlikely you know the difference right now, which is why these big decisions are best left for a clearer head later on. You can still get a divorce in 6 months or a year.
I am shocked if you have been honest with your lawyer they would advise you that this is a good idea.
Can you see that you desire to "Just want DONE..." is the same as a drink? I drank to get out of my head temporarily. It worked well, actually until it didn't. The impulsive decisions are great for a temp relief. Sometimes they are right but often they are wrong, because they are being made by your ego. Try to hold on man, fight the urge to make the knee jerk - that is the best thing I can share
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I just want DONE ...........
Im sober ,and almost happy .......almost
Im sober ,and almost happy .......almost
I can respect that. I hate hanging in the balance I like to get to the other side of problems none of this who knows how this will play out. I prefer to resolve problems and move on.
I've had to tackle a few big problems since I sobered up and ya know some where not always the best choices either. I just wanted DONE i wanted to move on. I wanted to cut my losses and get out from underneath those rocks etc...
Yeah I can relate. Just move forward in a positive direction once this is all behind you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I am finally dealing with issues related to my divorce now that I'm sober. I've been divorced almost 5 years and sober 19 months. It is actually easier dealing with these issues sober than when I chose to drink and just not feel anything. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by jdooner 
Careful buddy...you and I are alike in some ways. I thought the same stuff in early sobriety too. I posted about this stuff here. But hell, I would have made some really bad deicsions had I gone through with all of them. As is, I am paying for crap I did back then now.
Try not to do things that are final in the first year. Its great advice that I didn't want to listen to either but now wish I had. I want you to be happy. But just like drinking and using you don't want short term happiness just to end some pain if it does not create lasting happiness. It is unlikely you know the difference right now, which is why these big decisions are best left for a clearer head later on. You can still get a divorce in 6 months or a year.
I am shocked if you have been honest with your lawyer they would advise you that this is a good idea.
Can you see that you desire to "Just want DONE..." is the same as a drink? I drank to get out of my head temporarily. It worked well, actually until it didn't. The impulsive decisions are great for a temp relief. Sometimes they are right but often they are wrong, because they are being made by your ego. Try to hold on man, fight the urge to make the knee jerk - that is the best thing I can share
Try not to do things that are final in the first year. Its great advice that I didn't want to listen to either but now wish I had. I want you to be happy. But just like drinking and using you don't want short term happiness just to end some pain if it does not create lasting happiness. It is unlikely you know the difference right now, which is why these big decisions are best left for a clearer head later on. You can still get a divorce in 6 months or a year.
I am shocked if you have been honest with your lawyer they would advise you that this is a good idea.
Can you see that you desire to "Just want DONE..." is the same as a drink? I drank to get out of my head temporarily. It worked well, actually until it didn't. The impulsive decisions are great for a temp relief. Sometimes they are right but often they are wrong, because they are being made by your ego. Try to hold on man, fight the urge to make the knee jerk - that is the best thing I can share
I really think jdooner makes some valid points and should be, at least, contemplated. I have no idea of your personal reasons, ....
Stay strong man ,
....and stay the course with your sobriety .
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