Not homeless anymore, but...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 245
Not homeless anymore, but...
So I now have a roof over my head after being homeless for 2 months. I'm super happy about it, however I've never lived alone as a sober person before. The real estate agent gave me a bottle of super cheap champagne (standard practice for new tenants), and I'm sitting here 4 days in feeling bored and lonely.
It's a whole different ball game when there's no one around you to judge or disapprove. No need to hide bottles or cans. No need to wonder if the other person is buying your sober act. No one to talk you down from the ledge in a moment of weakness.
I haven't had anything that resembles a craving for about a year and a bit, but now they're coming hard and fast. My AV has found it's voice again.
It's a whole different ball game when there's no one around you to judge or disapprove. No need to hide bottles or cans. No need to wonder if the other person is buying your sober act. No one to talk you down from the ledge in a moment of weakness.
I haven't had anything that resembles a craving for about a year and a bit, but now they're coming hard and fast. My AV has found it's voice again.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Heck, no worries, RocketQueen! It's great to hear that you've got a place to call your own now. I can't imagine how difficult the last couple of months have been for you.
As for living sober alone, that can be rough. I think it's good to establish good habits when you move into a new place. Make it somewhere that you can be proud to call home. Strive to keep it in a condition where someone could stop by unexpectedly and you won't be embarrassed. Treat your place like a home, not a den. Dens are small, dark places for creatures to sleep in and huddle down. Life doesn't happen in a den. Dens are dark, secretive, off limits. A home is an inviting place. It is a place for you to feel safe and comfortable but it also serves a purpose as being an inviting place for people we enjoy being with to share company. Homes are open and inviting.
Do you attend any meetings? It helps me a lot to feel like I'm also accountable to my friends in AA. I've had to call my sponsor in moments of insanity, when my self accountability was failing. I could fail myself at that point but I couldn't fail her. Did the same with my husband. They lifted me over a difficult time and helped me get my feet back under myself.
Have someone you can call when you feel your personal accountability failing. It really helps and I know it's easier to make a call asking for help than a call begging for forgiveness.
As for living sober alone, that can be rough. I think it's good to establish good habits when you move into a new place. Make it somewhere that you can be proud to call home. Strive to keep it in a condition where someone could stop by unexpectedly and you won't be embarrassed. Treat your place like a home, not a den. Dens are small, dark places for creatures to sleep in and huddle down. Life doesn't happen in a den. Dens are dark, secretive, off limits. A home is an inviting place. It is a place for you to feel safe and comfortable but it also serves a purpose as being an inviting place for people we enjoy being with to share company. Homes are open and inviting.
Do you attend any meetings? It helps me a lot to feel like I'm also accountable to my friends in AA. I've had to call my sponsor in moments of insanity, when my self accountability was failing. I could fail myself at that point but I couldn't fail her. Did the same with my husband. They lifted me over a difficult time and helped me get my feet back under myself.
Have someone you can call when you feel your personal accountability failing. It really helps and I know it's easier to make a call asking for help than a call begging for forgiveness.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
I moved it for you RQ 
congrats on your new digs.
I was scared of being alone sober. My little flat had seen the worst of my drinking. I wondered how I could live there, alone, as a sober person.
The thing is - you just do
You tell the AV to rack off - without you on board to drive to the bottlo, buy that booze, and bring it home, it's already lost.
You can do this. And dump the cheap champers where it belongs
congrats on your new digs.
I was scared of being alone sober. My little flat had seen the worst of my drinking. I wondered how I could live there, alone, as a sober person.
The thing is - you just do
You tell the AV to rack off - without you on board to drive to the bottlo, buy that booze, and bring it home, it's already lost.
You can do this. And dump the cheap champers where it belongs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I've lived alone most of my adult life. I could drink whether or not I lived alone; I don't see that as the issue. The issue is loneliness, boredom, fear. Those things come more frequently when living alone, so I make a concerted effort to call someone every day, stay busy and not give into that voice of fear.
Get the place livable, put your stuff away, keep it clean. If you have trouble with that, there is a great website Flylady which helps with organization and making a housekeeping schedule. At one point I was heading down the path of hoarding, and she really helped. Too much shopping got me into trouble.
Then I have to stay busy. I go to AA meetings right now - it gets me up, dressed and out of the house every day. I need a job, so that has been another thing I'm focusing on. I also have a couple hobbies and I do daily walks for an hour. I call ladies from AA. I work my housekeeping schedule, I pray and meditate daily. I spend time here.
Drinking was in my head and in my hands. No one could have stopped me and no one can make me start again. It's an inside job. I love the freedom of living alone and doubt I could live with another person.
Get the place livable, put your stuff away, keep it clean. If you have trouble with that, there is a great website Flylady which helps with organization and making a housekeeping schedule. At one point I was heading down the path of hoarding, and she really helped. Too much shopping got me into trouble.
Then I have to stay busy. I go to AA meetings right now - it gets me up, dressed and out of the house every day. I need a job, so that has been another thing I'm focusing on. I also have a couple hobbies and I do daily walks for an hour. I call ladies from AA. I work my housekeeping schedule, I pray and meditate daily. I spend time here.
Drinking was in my head and in my hands. No one could have stopped me and no one can make me start again. It's an inside job. I love the freedom of living alone and doubt I could live with another person.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Great news on your new place!!
I live on my own, and I know what you mean, it's a different thing compared to with other people, we just have to get our support and place and continue with life, it can be done!!
I live on my own, and I know what you mean, it's a different thing compared to with other people, we just have to get our support and place and continue with life, it can be done!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 245
It's not so much a case of having my sobriety at risk. It's more the "woah! Where did that come from??" feeling of the cravings. It's so bizarre, and it just goes to show that even when you feel like you've got a grip on sobriety and think you're on the home stretch, even the slightest change in circumstance can supercharge the AV you worked very hard to bury for the last however long.
As for the champers, I tried to give it away to every single one of the lovely people who helped me move, but no one would take it. I got responses like "ewww, 2 buck chuck!" and "Now that's a hangover in a bottle right there". Lol. It's funny, because this time 2 years ago, I would have snatched it up with no questions (and probably drunk half - if not all - of it by the time I got home). Now, I can't even give that s*** away.
As for the champers, I tried to give it away to every single one of the lovely people who helped me move, but no one would take it. I got responses like "ewww, 2 buck chuck!" and "Now that's a hangover in a bottle right there". Lol. It's funny, because this time 2 years ago, I would have snatched it up with no questions (and probably drunk half - if not all - of it by the time I got home). Now, I can't even give that s*** away.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 245
This is very true. When I was homeless I was surrounded by active alcoholics and drug addicts. Watching their behaviour made it very easy to stay away from the drink. Now that it's just little old me, I don't have that physical reminder.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
I remember you posting right around the time I got my 365 consecutive. I thought you where pretty strong for keeping sober through all that. I wondered if I would have gotten my year under the same circumstances.
I don't think those feelings are all that unusual. I have had some really weird thoughts come out of nowhere. Right around a year I started thinking maybe I didn't have as bad of a problem as I thought and I should test that out. I stayed around here and Sugerbear posted a blog. In that link was the information that thinking like that is actually normal and is a big reason people relapse. I ended up going to an AA meeting and just sitting there and saying out loud that I was cured that one. I only had to do that once.
After that I have been having random bizarre thoughts about drinking. I just let those thoughts float right out again.
I think it is just the AV's death twitch. Keep posting about it and keeping yourself honest. They are just thoughts. We are doing awesome don't you think?
That's great you finally have your own place again. Maybe think of how you are going to decorate it instead of drinking in it.
I don't think those feelings are all that unusual. I have had some really weird thoughts come out of nowhere. Right around a year I started thinking maybe I didn't have as bad of a problem as I thought and I should test that out. I stayed around here and Sugerbear posted a blog. In that link was the information that thinking like that is actually normal and is a big reason people relapse. I ended up going to an AA meeting and just sitting there and saying out loud that I was cured that one. I only had to do that once.
After that I have been having random bizarre thoughts about drinking. I just let those thoughts float right out again.
I think it is just the AV's death twitch. Keep posting about it and keeping yourself honest. They are just thoughts. We are doing awesome don't you think?
That's great you finally have your own place again. Maybe think of how you are going to decorate it instead of drinking in it.
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