alwayssober1

Hi all, 1 week away from 6 months sober,

I've been going through the motions for a few months now, feel quite depresssed, anxious, just feel fed up really, frequent thoughts about drinking again, even if it is just for the momentary pleasure, just to feel like myself again, I've never felt this down for so long, its really tough.

It seems sobriety is getting harder as the weeks go by.,.

At the weekend I craved a beer and a smoke lol.

biminiblue

Are you getting any face to face support? Meetings? Therapy?

Stay busy! See your doctor!

You've done so well, don't throw it all away for a deadly poison. Can you get outside for a walk every day?

resolute50

I went through a spell like that.
Wasn't sure if it was "PAWS" or not, but I was feeling really down and out for a while.
Good thing is it passed. A couple more days and I'll have 11 months.
I would guess our bodies/minds go through a lot of adjustment on our way back from alcoholism.
I hope you feel better soon.

alwayssober1

Hi, no I don't have any support apart from all you lovely people on this website.

I do have too much time on my hands because I'm unemployed, struggling to find suitable employment for quite awhile now.

I go for fairly long walks with my dog everyday.

rc4dt1

Always... sorry you are feeling down. I think bimini posed a great question. I have experienced what you are feeling right now (obviously in my own way) and I did end up going back to drinking and using. I'm not saying you will do that but I am saying you are walking in dangerous territory.

For me, I was getting resentful at recovery. I wasn't in the mindset of "this too shall pass". I was thinking, "I want to feel good again... NOW". I started focusing on what I didn't have. I started fantasizing about using. Next thing I knew I was starting to justify it. Then I was hungover and miserable. I skipped the "high" because I don't remember it and it flashed by like lightning. Soooooooo NOT worth it.

Call someone, go to a meeting if that's your thing, go outside for a walk, even meditate or just sit with the feeling - it will pass.

I keep thinking of recovery as being like the stock market when times are good. It's not a steady incline with no breaks. Nope, it's a steady incline with several dips and valleys... peaks and troughs... but over time if I look back, things are better. Sure, I am experiencing pain... I hurt, I miss people places and things, I get bored, I get sad... but it's nowhere close to the helpless feeling of being hungover. That was pure darkness.

It's scary because I have felt this strongly about not using in the past only to go back to it after 6, 8, 12 months... I am 66 days sober today. The number one thing I pray for is for God (higher Power) to help me stay committed to recovery. If I stay committed and "plugged in" (no matter what the method) I will continue to get better.

Ok, don't with my rant. Best wished to you!!!

PurpleKnight

Hey AlwaysSober1, Yeap it is tough, but you can do this!!

Have you planned any new activities into your days/weeks, the problem with stopping drinking is it creates a lot of time, which as you say you have too much, sitting around thinking isn't a great idea, try to plan new activities, things you always wanted to do, well now you have the time and potential to do whatever you want to do with your time.

For me revolutionising my lifestyle was important in keeping me Sober, changing things up and filling the days with plenty of distractions, it doesn't need to be that intense either, I got into a few new books and reconnected with a few people in the online gaming world when I got Sober, it was very low key stuff, but it kept me Sober!!

Great job on your 6 months!! Keep pushing through!!

alwayssober1

Thanks for your replies everyone,

I really do need to focus on other things, what doesn't help is that my family are heavy drinkers, everyday they are drinking in the house, beer is right in front of me everyday!

The weekend my brother said why are you staying off the drink for so long when your bored and miserable anyway! Lol.

Stoogy

Hey buddy, you may just be experiencing paws after all but what does not help is the fact you have so much time on your hands, I have recently lost my job too and spend my days around the house, the thing is I have never felt so exhausted, and I think that is down to not being mentally alert so it makes us more tired etc. after 6 months I started to feel semi good again but now at 7 months I am having some tough days too tiredness, lack of motivation etc.
All we can do is ride the wave my friend and come out the other side as soon as possible.

alwayssober1

Thanks stoogy, sorry to hear about you losing your job, your right, being unemployed you do have too much time on your hands, but I'm going to try and stay busier to keep myself occupied a bit better.

This time does feel the hardest so far, but being sober for quite a long time is preventing me just randomly picking up the drink again, as always i will push though, hopefully things will improve soon.

Thanks to you and everyone else for their support, appreciate it.

Dee74

BiminiBlue nailed it I think.

Seems to me like you still need more support AS.
What's holding you back with that, man?

D

alwayssober1

Hi Dee, I don't know to be honest, I'm not the AA meetings/therapy kind of person, i don't know if that is immaturity or what? Lol...the whole getting sober thing was more about wanting to feel better rather than dealing with addiction/dependency, maybe my whole mentality is wrong?....I was thinking I might be in the eye of the storm with PAWS right now but I'm unsure?

DoubleBarrel

I didn't do much other than this site for about the first eight months of recovery.

I started going to AA meetings, and the steps really helped me move forward.

You are probably right on the cusp of things getting a LOT better.

Congratulations on six months, things will improve.

dSober

Are you working the steps?

alwayssober1

No i don't go to AA meetings.

SonomaGal

Just hang in there, it does get better! I agree with the advice others gave, and would add that (for me) a diet overhaul and exercise program made me feel better emotionally and physically. I think it's very normal to feel down in early sobriety, but if it's jeopardizing all your hard work, you should talk to your doc. Great work on 6 months!

NightsWatch

You WILL get through this low period, but the only way to do that is to stay the course. "The best way out is always through" or however that saying goes. Reaching for the bottle is like taking a lot of unnecessary detours that get you lost and you'll end up where you started. There's no shortcut for where we want to go.

dSober

Start.

Alcoholics Anonymous : Find Local A.A.

Pick up a Big Book at a meeting, keep going, find a good sponsor and read the book. Relief is in the steps.

alwayssober1

Thank for your replies,

The reason I am thinking this is a physical problem (PAWS) is because getting sober I felt good, all the way up too April, OK I had low energy/brain fog problems but I wasn't depressed, in fact me feeling like I'm in a miserable fog for the past 2 months make me realise how good i actually felt up into 4 months sober!

I also have quit multiple times (6 weeks was my record) and I remember one stretch of sobriety 3 to 4 weeks in were I felt unusually tired and depressed, I didn't know why? I remember getting fed up and drinking again, about 8 beers and a few double vodkas, but the most surprising thing was I was expecting to feel even worse with a hangover the next day, but the opposite happened! I felt full of energy and the depression had completely gone! I felt great! Obviously that was withdrawal being corrected, but at 6 months I do really think this protracted withdrawal, be it peaking because I feel horrible! Lol.

As NightWatch said, the best way out is through (great quote BTW) I could go back and start drinking again, I would feel better, but I would still be reliant on alcohol to function normally, just got to keep pushing through this rough patch.

Thanks again everyone.

Notimetoloose

AS1, Some people don't get affected by PAWS. PAWS really affects me, like for ages.
When I gave up opiates, it took all of 2 years for me to feel "good" again.
When I quit smoking, roughly I would say 18 months was when I felt "good". I am expecting that alcohol will be similar.

PAWS feels different than depression but depression can set in due to the prolonged period of not feeling "good".

Not working and having your brother making negative comments doesn't help either.

I have been sober over 7½ months and the first month I was like a zombie, no pink cloud for me. I feel it is important to
challenge ourselves to help lift us, nutritious food, exercise, engage with like minded people.

Pat yourself on the back for your achievement of giving up alcohol.

Do you like learning new stuff. Take advantage of your free time while you are looking for work.

I have just roughly mastered juggling 3 balls, youtube, I love youtube. It is something I have always wondered about
and I needed to do something to engage my concentration, eye hand coordination in the early days.
My general concentration needs help.

What do you like to do? Perhaps learn a new program, Photoshop, Publisher, make a Wordpress website. Finding something that we like to do can really lift and engage us.
People that share our interests and struggles help as well. Joining different groups.

Bazerington

Hi Always,
I wasn't an AA man either, but one day I summoned up the courage and I went and it's been great for me :-)!!
Steps and stuff aside, it is just nice to have someone to talk to about how crackers my brain can be.
I have also started using something called the sedona method which has been fantastic to help me let negative feelings go :-)!!!!!
Hope this helps. I'm ten days away from a year and never thought I'd get anywhwere near that!!!!!!!!!!!