Amester

So I moved back in with my parents a few months ago when my heroin/cocaine addiction almost killed me. Let's be real though, I started as an alcoholic at age 21 and things progressed from there over the years, but alcoholism doesn't "go away" from what I understand. Actually I was drinking vodka like it was my job at times during my heroin use.

Yet my parents don't see an issue with having bottles of booze all over the house. It's in the fridge, the pantry, the basement, the freezer, and the garage. There's a few bottles of rum, at least a dozen bottles of wine, beer, wine coolers, white russian, buttery nipple shots...

They know this could be a problem for me. Before I got clean in May they left me and my boyfriend alone in the house for a week while they went on vacation. I went through 8 bottles of their wine and a bottle of Bailey's. Now I'm 56 days clean yet i'm alone here all day everyday and we just all expect me not to drink.

Am I playing with fire? Sure alcohol's not my drug of choice but as an addict I'll use any mood altering substance available. But I have no right to ask them to hide/move/put away their alcohol, it's their home. Right?

SonomaGal

Hi Amester! Congrats on 56 days!!!!!

Are they supportive of your sobriety? If so why don't you ask them to lock the booze up, or get rid of it? It's their house yes, but part of your journey is to ask for support from the people who love you.

Carlotta

It's their house but I agree with SonomaGal, asking if they could maybe be supportive by locking it up would be good. People are not mind readers and "normies" do not understand our compulsion to get out of ourselves.
Have you looked into moving into a sober place for a while?

Amester

Oh I think I forgot to mention my dad is an alcoholic. A very "functional" alcoholic but still, he drinks from the moment he gets home from work till he goes to bed. We don't talk about that though.

I don't really know where else I could live, I'm doing well here. And they are very supportive of my recovery, the best they know how to be. But I think they overestimate my ability to make good choices this early in my recovery. I just worry that a moment of weakness is going to lead me back down a very bad road. But I feel like I just need to put on my big girl pants and for once in my life do the right thing and just not touch the booze.

I apologize if I seem argumentative, I'm just confused and kind of thinking out loud.

zjw

Its a difficult thing. I'll tell you how I think it should be. I dont think you can expect everyone to bow to you. IE we cant just not sell booze in stores because I might see it and be tempted. I cant just expect bars to shut down because I'm a special snow flake who has a drinking problem. Being an addict if you choose to get something your going to. Your addict / drinking problems are your problems to deal with. If you cant beat them in your own house how ar eyou going to beat them out in the rest of the world?

That being said they /could/ choose to have a little respect and perhaps get there stuff out of the house so that at the very least it doesnt taunt the heck out of you!! But again thats there decision to make and you gotta be ok with whatever they decide to do or not to do.

I quit with a case in the fridge and gallons of my own stuff in the basement. I was terrified to pitch it what if i coudnt do it and i needed a drink? I didnt finally pour the last of it till almost 2 years later!! the booze int he house wasnt my problem nor the bar on the corner etc... My problem was if i was gonna choose to drink the stuff or not.

I'm not trying to bust your chops just saying seperate out the issues a little bit be respectful of there home and there habits etc.. but yes I think the should also be respectful too. But I dunno if you can or should expect that or not.

zjw

::facepalm:: thats gotta make it a bit more difficult!!

Least your aware of the obstacles in your way then. I'd steer clear. It sounds like it'd be all too easy to sit back with the old man and have a drink then. *sigh*

In this case I'd be going for lots of walks or something just to get me out of the house try to use the place strictly for a place to sleep if i coudlnt handle the temptations around me.

2muchpain

WOW!!!! 56 days living in that situation is INCREDIBLE.

SonomaGal

That's a tough one, but that doesn't mean you can't do this successfully. We've had booze in the house since I quit, and these days I hardly notice it. You say you don't talk about your dad's drinking so maybe he isn't the one to talk to. What about telling your mom your concerns, sometimes just voicing things makes them better. Hugs, you're doing great!!

Carlotta

My first time around, I was living with a raging alcoholic who was drinking in front of me. There was Rum all over the house. It was extremely difficult but I did not pick up. Still if it is an issue look into sober housing.
Google Oxford Houses, they are all over the place.

PurpleKnight

Great job on 56 Days, that is a very tough situation, but you can do this!!

Mangoes

This will likely come across sounding crueler than I hope, but here it is: it's your responsibility, not theirs, to keep you away from booze. Your father's problem is his journey, not yours. The two are exclusive from one another, even if they are likely intertwined.

You did not drink 8 bottles of wine because your parents left them in the house. You drank 8 bottles of wine and a bottle of Baileys because you are an alcoholic, whether or not you want to say it's your drug of choice.

It is your responsibility to keep yourself away from triggers and temptation, and to find a way to deal with those things effectively when they do come up.

Would it be a kind and supportive thing for your parents to lock away the booze? Yes. It is a necessity or responsibility for them to do so? No.

You can ask nicely for them to lock up the hooch. If they continue to refuse, you have a choice to make. You either learn to deal with it, or you find somewhere more safe and more congruent with your personal needs during your recovery.

ETA - "you have to do what is right for yourself; no one else is walking in your shoes" (unknown)

Amester

I get that, this is 100% my deal and responsibility, not theirs. I do not blame them for any choices I have made or will make in the future regarding my drinking.

My question was about if I'm in denial about this being a dangerous situation. I apologize if that was unclear or if it appeared that I was trying to pin anything on them, that was not my intent.

Boudicca

"We don't talk about that though." Alcohol is all about secrets, even those that are right out there in the open for everyone to see. You are in a tough situation. I don't know the reasons you have chosen to live with your parents again and you say you are doing well.

Yet clearly this is an issue for you and I fear you may not be in the "safest" environment. I too think you should investigate sober living. Why make things harder than they already are?

Amester

Also I appreciate the honest feedback Mangoes, sugar coating things has never really helped me address my issues and make any significant progress. You make several valid points that I will keep in mind.

Boudicca

I wouldn't use the word denial, because you clearly realize this may be a problem. "Dangerous situation." You know it is. It doesn't sound like a safe environment for you AT ALL.

I believe those of us in early sobriety sometimes feel so good, so much better, so fast that we try to "take on the world." I believe there are people on SR with quite a bit of sober time who always advise us to exercise caution.

I hope some of those people will respond to your question. It is a tough situation but you are doing great and you know you can do this.

sorry for the run on sentences. I am not a very good writer.

Amester

There is one reason why I have not looked into sober living. "I don't want to." I'm being stubborn and childish about that issue and it is likely jeopardizing my recovery. And no one in my life is suggesting or pushing the issue, probably because I'm not being totally honest with them about having cravings and struggles still.

Definitely something I need to think about, again I appreciate the feedback and having a place to talk through some of this stuff.

Mangoes

Amester, I'd be more concerned about a toxic environment vs the actual presence of booze. Not sure how old you are, but moving back in with one's parents, especially if one is a high functioning alcoholic, can be a recipe for disaster all on its own. Living in a house where there is the unspoken "secret" of alcoholism while trying to be honest with yourself and your place in recovery is probably not the place I'd recommend anyone getting clean to be.

All that said - you're clearly on a good road. Use what you've learned up,until now to weigh what is important to YOU in your recovery. Is it about the booze/ drugs or is it about your relationship with yourself and others?