Stages of Recovery
 

Hi everyone,

I've noticed that as time passes in recovery, there's different levels and types of anxiety that I have to deal with. It's kind of like I've been sweeping all of these different things under the rug for years (with drugs and alcohol) and now, one by one, they're coming out.

Today has been really hard because the anxiety I'm facing used to be the final straw for me... like I used to be able to stay sober through all the emotions until I got to this one. This one is the most self-loathing of them all. I feel like I'm incapable of doing anything (work, social situations, meetings) because I'm paralyzed by this fear of messing up. I'm trying to stay hopeful and tell myself that if I can make it through this stage sober, I'll be better and stronger because of it.

Can anyone relate to this idea of "stages" of recovery, and facing different demons each time?

I can definitely relate to having a hard time dealing with a bunch of depressive and anxious feelings without running to the bottle. In time it will actually get a lot easier, but for now you're going to have to power through the rough patches. Just take good care of yourself, sleep, eat, talk, read, take a bath. Just pamper yourself and know you're on the right track!

It gets better! But it takes time. I had crippling anxiety attacks, but it turns out the alcohol was the cause - I thought I had an anxiety disorder and was self-medicating, but the anxiety was a direct outcome of my substance use.

I remember sitting in my car with my newborn daughter in the car seat behind me and crying quietly, ashamed... because I saw all the other "normal" dads taking their kids into Target to get them clothes and toys and so forth without a thought. I was so anxious about going inside a building and standing in line that I couldn't get out of the car. I wondered if I would ever be normal. That was during the worst of my drinking. Terrible, terrible time.

5+ years later of complete abstinence from alcohol and working a program of recovery and I haven't had an anxiety attack in years. Life is still hard but soooo much easier without anxiety symptoms.

It takes longer than you think though - you just need to keep finding ways to stay sober while you wait for your mind to heal. You know what worked for me? Knowing how awful it is to be seized by panic, I somehow was able to finally connect the booze with the panic -- once I had been sober long enough (maybe a year?) I was able to see that if I had any alcohol whatsoever, it would be like setting the clock back to "0" on the panic attacks and I would have to endure it all over again. This is how I used some pretty terrible experiences to my advantage - my worst nightmares became a very, very good reason to stay sober. That was enough to hang on at times.

And as life changes, so too do my reasons for staying sober. Just remember that it's a slow process. Your brain will physically rewire the longer you stay abstinent, and that panic response (the release of adrenaline when "fight or flight" kicks in) will begin to diminish as your brain finds new and wonderful non-addictive ways to cope with life's stresses.

I wish you all the best and I know you will feel better. Just stay sober, do for others and practice mindfulness, seek counseling, whatever you have to do to just weather the storms early on. A drink will only make things worse - guaranteed. Hang in there - it's worth it!

I have had a few anxiety attacks - both as an active drinker and even as a sober person. There's a good and fairly active Anxiety Forum here on SR that also can help.

As for the "stages", it definitely does get better. In my case, I saw a medical professional (took me 1.5 years of sobriety to get the courage) and started some low-dose, non-addictive meds. The doctor visits, plus learning how to manage my anxiety have helped greatly. I've been able to do things like attend my grandmother's funeral, travel again, etc - events that seemed light years away during the dark stages of early recovery anxiety.

You can get through this, but don't suffer needlessly. Suffering constant anxiety and not seeing a doctor is like having an infected leg and just letting it rot. Surely you'd see a doctor for your leg...make sure you see one for your mental health, too! Right? There is help available, don't forget that. :)

I guess this is what is called facing things head on, feeling every emotion, every up, every down in the here and now, compared to numbing everything as I did with alcohol for years.

I think we need to take things one battle at a time, but we can do this!! :)

Absolutely. As a matter of fact I saw a therapist the other day about all this anxiety I was having which I could not put a finger on. Sort of a sense of foreboding that was nagging me and putting a grey cloud over the day. The psych knows I'm a recovering alcoholic using the 12 steps. He suggested that after so long of holding down repressed emotions with alcohol they were finally starting to come to surface. He likened it to holding a balloon under water, remove the block and it breaks surface. Can happen gradually or all at once. He suggested I do two things; get active in recovery be it AA meetings or helping others and write a letter to myself, read it and burn it and a few days later repeat the process. He pointed out I still haven't made amends with myself. The psych has me looking at acceptance and commitment therapy which ties in nicely with the 12 step philosophy. Last thing he said was that alcoholics often suffer a type of PTSD in recovery. After years of self abuse and fear and guilt the affects often come back to haunt us in unexpected ways as well as the underlying suppressed emotions we never dealt with.
Try to be mindful of your thoughts, relax when you can and try meditation if you don't already. Take care and be kind to yourself. I have a spiritual source I go to for strength when I remember that I'm not the centre of the universe and can rely on a higher power within.
You will find your way, most of all it is a stage, a phase among many on the winding path of recovery. No journey is without its ups and downs, ruts and crossroads. The harder it gets means we are given an opportunity to practice our principles and get stronger.

Climber122 this is excellent advice. I started to suffer from crippling anxiety and panic attacks, and now that I have not put any poison into my body, I am symptom free. The problems are still there, life is always going to throw something at you, but they seem a 100 times less worrisome. Drinking makes you forget at first, but that nasty insomnia-tic brain multiplies those problems to the extreme.

Hang in there clvlcv37 I can assure you it does get better x

at six months... still experiencing ups and downs. what helps keep me going is knowing that others have gone through this and have made it through whole again.
sometimes I want to crawl under a rock. sometimes I'm king of my domain. more up than down. and the downs are lesser and short lived.