Sick of this wine glass, stuck to my mouth
 

Ive been drinking for a long time, really heavy for the past 12 months, haven't had a day off in god knows how long. I stopped for nearly 3 months about 3 years ago but that was only because I nearly got took to hospital because my pulse rate was so high, it scared me, my mum took me to the doctors & they gave me beta blockers, then I was put on various antidepressants, until I found one that worked in a way as I was getting panic attacks.

Drink has always been apart of my life in one way or another, happy times, sad times, glad times you name it there's always a reason to drink for me, like many of you who read this, you'll understand we can create any drama we like to drink.

Im only 37 & I feel its taken the best years of my life away, I am married, have a lovely home, no money worries but all I care about is drink. Recently ive been letting things slip, not looking after myself, leaving the housework,not taking the dog for a walk, avoiding my family to DRINK.


I am getting help & have been going to my sessions to learn why I drink? Various reasons the main one being I don't like myself very much & Im a failure so I think. ive been put forward for a home detox, which the hard work will come after as my brain & body are both dependant on the stuff, Im hoping to get my health back as Ive got all the signs of addiction, mentally I cant remember things as good, I have blackouts where im still functioning but cant remember the next day, the sweats which go as soon as the alcohol goes back in my body, pins & needles, throwing up the list goes on.......

I really want to change my life I know I can only do it for me, ive tried doing it for my husband, family, etc but it doesn't work, it has to be for yourself, I know what I have to do, its the doing it that's the battle, I drink on my own most of the time until my hubands had enough of me then I just carry on & on & on I have no limits, its frightening. Everyday I say I wont drink today but I always do, not for fun for nothing well addiction, it don't make sense I suppose to a lot of people but they don't live in my shoes.

I do want to stop, I want this poison out my body...
Thanks for listening, its hard when your trying to hide a secret, which everyone probably knows now im becoming a careless drunk, only took me 20 years.

Welcome to SR, corky. This is a great place for support, understanding and encouragement.

I, literally, had a thousand Day 1s where I swore I wouldn't drink (like you, wine) and I failed each of those thousand days. You will find many people who understand.

Sounds like you are already taking a lot of positive steps (inhome detox and sessions). Glad you found SR to add to your support.

yeah its one thing I had to get pretty stinken selfish about. I quit for me. sure down the line I realized it was good for everyone else too but I did not do it for them I never would have either the booze had much too tight a grip on me. I had to sit down just me and the booze and sort this thing out it took a while but 1 day at a time I got past it.

I'm about the same age as you. Sounds like you got a decent life etc.. no reason for you to add booze tot he equation. In my case I drank to medicate myself so that i could cope with this life. I had no other way to tolerate anything. I went from a crap childhood to drugs and booze to cope with that to drugs and booze to cope with adulthood etc.. I too thought I think I might have trashed some of my best years.

From one perspective maybe i did trash some good years being drunk. But those years also helped form who i am today so I'm thankful. I'm happy i'm a recovering alcoholic. I dont really regret it. I've learned a lot from that big mistake and the stuff i've learned I've been able to utilize to help me in many other ways in life. So its not all bad.

fast forward my life now being sober is much different and a much higher quality. So the grass is greener on the sober side. It is a battle worth fighting. It may not always seem that way but it is.

While I was in rehab being taught and learning
about my addiction and its affects on my mind
and body, family removed all the alcohol/poison
out of the house before I returned home after
my 28 stay.

When I did return home and had no desire to
pick up and drink again, I still had to learn how
to live life on lifes terms. The jobs, marriage,
money, family situation where not gonna go
away and had to learn to accept people places
and things on lifes terms.

I eventually threw away anything and everything
that reminded me about my drinking. All those
pretty bottles and glasses, keepsakes, all discarded.

If the items were of value, having someone
hold them until I was further along in my recovery
to safely have them around and appreciate them.

Today, some 23 yrs sober with a many one days
at a time collected together without alcohol, I
continue to learn newer ways to enjoy life to
the upmost with graditude, understanding,
willingness, humility, humblness and honesty
so that I can remain happy, healthy for many
more days down the road.

So can you. :)

Welcome to the Forum Corky!! :wave:

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! :)

Welcome Corky - you'll find a lot of support here :)

How are you doing today?

D

Welcome!

it don't make sense I suppose to a lot of people but they don't live in my shoes.
Corky,
you'll find that it makes perfect sense to most everyone here. even though it makes no sense :)

welcome to you.

Thanks everyone for your kind words, even though im still drinking i hope to be sober one day, with a lot of hard work on my part, MAYBE i CAN DO THIS.