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People Problem

Old 06-23-2014, 07:18 PM
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People Problem

Ou take away the alcohol and you're left with life on life's terms, they say. For me that means people problems. I'm currently living in the town I grew up in and I really don't like the people here. Some of my family lives here and I don't like them. I don't like their friends either. There's hardly anyone in this town I like. Is that me? NO, ITS THEM!

I've lived in other towns where I like the people. I find myself at AA meetings judging the hell out of everyone, analyzing them, their faults, their attributes. I take it back, there are some people in meetings I like. But the ones I don't like I want to tell them how much I dislike them. I basically want to go all judgemental all over everyone's ass in this town.

Sorry, I needed to say this. I know some of you may judge me. Fire away
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:21 PM
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can not really shoot anyone down for being honest !!

can i ask you do you like you as a person ?
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:24 PM
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You seem to be expending a lot of energy thinking about other people. It sounds very exhausting to me. There are people and some family members I don't care to be around, but I try not to spend time thinking about them or judging them. It's not my business, and I get to free-up my mind to use for thinking that benefits me.

As I said, your thought process sounds incredibly exhausting. Wouldn't you rather spend time concerning yourself with other things?
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:30 PM
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I wonder why? I find people so interesting, strange, funny and all the rest of the adjectives that describe the complexities of us human beings.
I like people, some more than others and a lot I would be happy if I never see again.
Do you think moving would help.?.
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:38 PM
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desypete, yes, I like myself better than most people I meet. But it really depends where I am.

Yes Feenix, my thought process is exhausting. Drinking slowed it down. I like to concern myself with people. Thanks

Noits, yes moving would help. I like people too, just not these people
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:42 PM
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I've heard that when we criticise other people, it's because what we see in them is what we fear for ourselves. That's not meant as a go at you, but it does help us work on our own fears and self-regard.
Whatever's going on in your head is from you, not an external source.
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:52 PM
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Originally Posted by FeelingGreat View Post
I've heard that when we criticise other people, it's because what we see in them is what we fear for ourselves. That's not meant as a go at you, but it does help us work on our own fears and self-regard. Whatever's going on in your head is from you, not an external source.
I'm not sure I understand that, I've heard it before. When I see something I don't like in someone else, I guess I could fear that I could become like that. All I know is that I don't want to be like that.

No, and it's this town, trust me. I've lived many places and didn't have this problem.
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:56 PM
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Move?
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:59 PM
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Originally Posted by DoubleBarrel View Post
Move?
My #1 goal right now.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:25 PM
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there ya are all jacked up about others as they go about their lives not even knowing or caring what yer thinkin of them.so the problem isn't them. its you.
this reminds me of a part in the big book. something about the actor being self centered, ego centric as people call it nowadays. good solution in there,too.
I was pretty good a lookin at everyone else and pointing out there faults. world woulda been a better place if everyone woulda realized I was God.
then the pain got bad. decided to stop lookin in everyone elses mirror and look in my own. SOB can ya believe it wasn't the world that was all jacked up but actually me??? and the world was controlling me!
it was all the program of AA's fault. but I wanted it.
you can move, but wherever you go there you are.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:29 PM
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I find myself at AA meetings judging the hell out of everyone, analyzing them, their faults, their attributes.
At the first meeting I went to, I judged that everyone there was screwed up except me.


By the hundredth meeting I went to, I judged that everyone there was screwed up including me.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:34 PM
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It's funny, anytime you say you don't like something, AA's trademark answer is it's not that, it's you. Ok, I guess what you're saying is all the people in town are great and I'm the ****** up one. And you don't even know the people I'm talking about. Sounds fishy. And I respectfully disagree.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Boleo View Post
By the hundredth meeting I went to, I judged that everyone there was screwed up including me.
That I can live with.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Mirage74 View Post
I'm not sure I understand that, I've heard it before. When I see something I don't like in someone else, I guess I could fear that I could become like that. All I know is that I don't want to be like that.
It's been my experience that I sometimes judge others because they exhibit the same flawed characteristics as myself. That is, I won't work on (and may not even recognize) my faults, but I will readily criticize others who have the same character flaws.

I'm not saying this is what's occurring with you, but it may be something to consider.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:46 PM
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From your description, you self-admittedly judge everyone no matter where you are. I fail to see how moving would fix anything. How about making your number one goal to find out what exactly is causing you do judge everyone? Because it's really not causing any of them problems, only you.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:49 PM
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I find I get tired of working and socializing with the same people day in and day out, and that's when I get critical. Luckily, I live in a big city, so it is very easy for me to move on to new experiences and meet new people.

As for family, I limit my interaction to brief holidays and such. My husband and I both like it that way.
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Old 06-23-2014, 09:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Mirage74 View Post
It's funny, anytime you say you don't like something, AA's trademark answer is it's not that, it's you. Ok, I guess what you're saying is all the people in town are great and I'm the ****** up one. And you don't even know the people I'm talking about. Sounds fishy. And I respectfully disagree.
hey, trust me, ive known the town ilive in for over 30 years and have lived here for 12. everyones a jerk!!
do you believe me? i hope not. that would be ignorant.

please point to where i said all people in your town are great. ive read my post a few times and cant find it. or maybe just a bad guess on yer part?
no i don't know the people yer talkin about.what im sayin is the problem isn't with the people in the town ya live in- its within you.
you mention AA, so im gonna use whatthe program says:
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good
He begins to think life doesn't treat him right
Our actor is self-centered - ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays.
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us
This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work.

its your choice. you can point the finger at everyone else and their faults or you can work on fixing you. great solution in the program.
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Old 06-23-2014, 09:22 PM
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and yes, any time i say i don't like something, it is me with the problem.
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Old 06-23-2014, 10:29 PM
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To carry on from Tomsteve, with the fourth step. "The first thing apparent is that this world and it's people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. The more we fought to have our own way, the worse matters got?" Page 66.

There is more to read and it highlights how dangerous this state of affairs is to the alcoholic.
There is a suggested course of action.

I understand about "bad"towns. There is one I remember from my drinking days. The people I met were intolerant and cruel. I wouldn't even fly over that place unless I was in a Lancaster bomber full of horseshit. But I learned that my behaviour contributed to their reaction.

The alcoholic is not always wrong about these things, but it pays to be sure of our facts. Also, we are not powerless over people places and things, we can always move if we want to.

The big mistake I usually made with a geographical shift was taking me with me. If my problem was internal, it will make itself felt wherever I go.

There are always people we don't like. "We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity,, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend."

Maybe some quiet prayer and meditation will help you reach the right answer.
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Old 06-23-2014, 11:04 PM
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“We cannot learn real patience and tolerance from a guru or a friend. They can be practiced only when we come in contact with someone who creates unpleasant experiences. According to Shantideva, enemies are really good for us as we can learn a lot from them and build our inner strength."” Dalai Lama
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