zjw

Having been sober 3 years now I'm curious for others that are sober do you sometimes still feel awkward ya know being a responsable individual etc... Like is this the real me?

A beer was like a limb that hung off my hand and a cigarette was like an additional finger. The extra 130lbs of fat on my body felt very much at home there. Going to the beer store almost daily or out for a pack of smokes was pretty much part of my routine that made me me. Finishing my day drunk and coughing was the norm for so long.

So now to be sober 3 years and NOT drink and NOT smoke and have this new routine that involves exercise and healthy food etc.. I just dont even feel like the same person. I'll be honest sometimes it seems difficult to keep this goodie goodie routine going. It almost seemed easier for me to chill out with a beer and a cigarette. I just know the price i'd pay for that would not make life any easier thats for sure.

So that being said I sometimes feel awkward in my new sober shoes per say.

PurpleKnight

I guess it does feel strange sometimes, Sobriety comes with it a huge learning curve, living without alcohol, change doesn't come naturally sometimes.

But I definitely don't miss it, I like the excitement of what else can I do that's new? or how else is my body going to adjust in new ways?!! . . . though I'm not at 3yrs yet so I may still be feeling the novelty of it all still!!

zjw

yeah I can relate to the novelty. that whats next? how much more will my life improve? what else am i going to find that i'm capable of that i would have never been able to do before.

running for me is like that. I'm in better shape now thne i was when i was a teenager. for that matter I'm in better shape then most teenagers too. and I think who new? who new i had something like this in me?

but then at other times I think is this me? having to wake up and behave myself for another day gosh thats so not like me and sometimes its hard for me to walk that straight line!

FT

Goodie-goodie routine?

Wow.

I'll admit it took me about three years to really "get it" that I was a non-drinker, and when I did get it, it was a sense of freedom like no other.

I don't get the idea that not drinking reflects any sort of attitude on my part that I am "being good."

It almost sounds like a name-calling thing, where non-drinkers think they are "better" than drinkers?

My sobriety is not a competition between my "old self" and my "new self," and certainly not between myself and drinkers. In fact, I don't regard drinkers one way or the other unless they are making fools of themselves or breaking the law. That's the only time I actually even notice them any more.

FeenixxRising

It feels strangely nice--and liberating I believe it's all of matter of how you look at it. If I think it's awkward, it will be awkward, if I think it feels great and very freeing to be sober, it is great and freeing.

I know that sounds simplistic, but I've found the mind to be a powerful instrument if used effectively. Sometimes a simple change in perspective can make a significant difference.

zjw

well yeah for me i've always been the one getting into trouble. even when i was a kid i was the ring leader getting all the others to go along with whatever stupid idea i had that we should not being doing. it always seemed to involve fire too and great risk of injuring ourselves or others *sigh*

as I got older I progressed into booze an drugs with my mischievious behavior.

Now i'm a nerd I drink tea read books exercise and eat healthy. I never do bad stuff no more. and heck even setting off a few fireworks for the 4th I think well if its too dry I better not. I told my wife perhaps my problem with fireworks and the 4th is I'm not drunk this year so now I have some major concern about the safety of the whole thing. years ago give me a enough booze and heck if i cared if it was too dry out or if someone might get hurt we where gonna light off some fireworks!!!!

not anymore now i behave now I'm a saint and its tough to be so well behaved when the inner deviant little child wants to bust out his hot wheels in the middle of church and race them around on the pew . Or sneak a woopie coushin in or if the alter boy decides it'd be humerous to drink the wine and pour it all over the place and make like the priest got out of control. ::not me no no i never did terrible stuff like that:: *sigh*

FT

it's still possible to have great fun and even make moderate mischief while sober!

I quit drinking a long time ago, and for a few years I didn't know what to do with my hands in social settings. A glass of water just didn't feel the same.

After awhile, though, it feels natural NOT to have a drink or a cigarette in your hand.

Perspective changes over time. I am VERY happy not to be drinking when everyone else is driving home afraid of getting pulled over by the cops!

zjw

Yes I can relate to that.

I guess there is a part of me that says maybe I should kick back relax stop all this exercisse and healthy food eat some cake have a beer light up a cigarette you only live once.

Maybe I lack more balance or something.

FT

Balance comes with time.

Maybe I've just gotten so old, I can map out all my successes and failures and can clearly see in retrospect that drinking did nothing but inhibit my ability to go places, do things, and be healthy. Drinking interfered with all that and controlled my every movement for a LOT of years.

I've ceased thinking of drinking in a fond way. At first, I missed it like an old friend had abandoned me. Later on, I just think of my old drinking habits as my past. I can't regret things that shaped who I am today, and drinking was part of that. But I can move forward in life, shedding the baggage I don't need along the way.

courage2

Maybe you just need to make an imaginative leap. I have very limited tolerance for normal. The challenge now is to find something sufficiently out there to satisfy my spirit, but that isn't self-destructive or harmful to others. Hmmmm --

zjw

Yeah i got my first tattoo and another pierceing long after i sobered up. I guess i felt like i needed to live a little! haha. Maybe I should sky dive or something I dunno. I hate heights tho.

courage2

I've been thinking about a tattoo & more piercings too LOL. I'm a little old for it but what the hell. It sounds like you're in shape -- mountain climbing?

PhaseTwo

I agree with some of the other posters and think you just need to change up the routine. I know how you feel, it's odd being a responsible member of society. Having a beer and cig is not the answer. I think I actually am gonna start getting into adrenaline rush stuff like mountain climbing and skydiving, maybe that will work for you too. Or take a vacation and travel somewhere.

ScottFromWI

There are a few things I don't do anymore now that I don't drink...mostly activites that were solely drinking related ( habit out at bars, beer festivals, drinking weekends with buddies. I do still have fond memories of some parts of those days, but toward the end the bad far outweighed the good. And I understand I can never return and somehow have the fun without the consequences. So while my new life is slightly different, it is overall a much better experience.

zjw

Your never too old!!! yea I run about 60 miles a week But your never too old i saw one recently an older couple did a marathon a day around australia!

I hope i never say i'm too old! I've seen people do some incredible things at all ages!

when i got the tattoos some where like OMG how could you do that. I just laughed there are much worse things i've done and no one ever cared!

LBrain

at six months alcohol free, I have no reservations about being who I am without alcohol. I have no problem doing the things I did before - without drink of course. Some of the people I used to hang out with have gone by the way side. But not drinking does not affect my interactions with people.

Mirage74

I think this is why many alcoholics keep some of their vices, esp coffee and cigarettes. That mentality you're having seems common among alcoholics. Hell, at the meeting spot I go to, you would stick out like a sore thumb if you showed up in running shorts. Bunch of roughnecks, they take pride in it. I think, like you, there's a part of the lifestyle they don't want to give up. I feel the same way, as I still smoke, don't exercise, and drink loads of coffee. It's early for me though, I plan to change all that like you.

But I think it's dangerous thinking you're having. That's it, you're living a sober life. I don't think it was meant to be unicorns and rainbows. Would you trade what you have to return to the wretched dispair of active alcoholism? I mean, if you could just drink a beer and smoke a cigarette every once in a while, you probably wouldn't be here.

davidw86

I can relate to that zjw!! I'm 2 weeks away from being sober a full year, quit smoking 5 months ago and it feels like all I do is run miles every week and watch what I eat!!
I often wonder what's next but then I put on the running shoes and try and run farther than before, it seems to ease the feeling.
Other times I feel great, amazing that I don't have the burden of finding that next drink.

FBL

Now that I've been sober for 5 years I feel that this is the "real" me and the miserable drinking me was not.

zjw

maybe i'm not totally to the otherside. I hope this is the real me. I suppose its like starting a new habit and hoping it sticks. Only I got a lot of new habits i've started since i quit drinking and I'm hoping they all stick. I think they already have stuck I"m just still nervious maybe they havent.

I guess the feeling of a habit being formed and sticking around is not something I"m use too i'm used to the feeling of an addiction forming and sticking around.