Weird Nights
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: london
Posts: 259
Weird Nights
I had a difficult time last night. First, the guy I was speaking to said that if I don’t remember my last drink I haven’t had it. And I don’t remember it. I have resolved this in my mind: every time I have made a Grand Ceremony out of my Last Drink Ever, I have eventually failed. This gentle slip into sobriety has been my most successful so far, so I shouldn’t be too bothered about a mere saying.
He also said, that I should believe in True God. That a Higher Power can’t be Tree or Chair because those things are changing. The bottom line is God. (His has a capital letter)
And that I had to be prepared to live my whole life one day at a time. Someone later pointed out to me that saying “whole life one day at a time” is actually a contradiction, since “one day at a time” means living in the present rather than thinking about your whole life all at once.
Still the things he said got to me, to the point where I came home convinced I would relapse, on the brink of calling the Delivery Service for a bottle, at the very edge of futile tears.
I’m OK this morning. I have books, I have a nicotine inhalator, I have my life. I have a 15 piece gratitude list from yesterday.
But I also have tiny seeds of doubt scattered through my mind.
He also said, that I should believe in True God. That a Higher Power can’t be Tree or Chair because those things are changing. The bottom line is God. (His has a capital letter)
And that I had to be prepared to live my whole life one day at a time. Someone later pointed out to me that saying “whole life one day at a time” is actually a contradiction, since “one day at a time” means living in the present rather than thinking about your whole life all at once.
Still the things he said got to me, to the point where I came home convinced I would relapse, on the brink of calling the Delivery Service for a bottle, at the very edge of futile tears.
I’m OK this morning. I have books, I have a nicotine inhalator, I have my life. I have a 15 piece gratitude list from yesterday.
But I also have tiny seeds of doubt scattered through my mind.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
You need to forget this guy and what he said!!
Create a plan, stick to it, execute it to the letter and you will remain Sober, take control back and follow through, you will remain Sober!!
Words are words, people can debate all day long with you about the ins and outs of alcoholism, but if you stick to your plan, none of that matters!!
You can do this!!
Create a plan, stick to it, execute it to the letter and you will remain Sober, take control back and follow through, you will remain Sober!!
Words are words, people can debate all day long with you about the ins and outs of alcoholism, but if you stick to your plan, none of that matters!!
You can do this!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
I think it's really important to get a range of opinions DollPart.
I've never heard the 'if I don’t remember my last drink I haven’t had it' line before.
But it sounds like bunkum to me (bunkum is Aussie for BS)
I bet you there are folks here who don't remember their last drink but who have strong and lastiing recovery.
The true God thing is his opinion.
As I read the Big Book, you no more need to believe in his conception of a Higher Power than you do mine.
It's a Higher Power as you understand it.
And I can quite happily live one day at a time and still think about and make plans for the future - but by accepting the only day I can really have any effect on is today, I got rid of a lot of worry and stress that was tying me in knots and kept me drinking
Like I said, make sure you get a range of opinions
D
I've never heard the 'if I don’t remember my last drink I haven’t had it' line before.
But it sounds like bunkum to me (bunkum is Aussie for BS
)I bet you there are folks here who don't remember their last drink but who have strong and lastiing recovery.
The true God thing is his opinion.
As I read the Big Book, you no more need to believe in his conception of a Higher Power than you do mine.
It's a Higher Power as you understand it.
And I can quite happily live one day at a time and still think about and make plans for the future - but by accepting the only day I can really have any effect on is today, I got rid of a lot of worry and stress that was tying me in knots and kept me drinking
Like I said, make sure you get a range of opinions
D
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
dollpart,
I think the man you spoke to may have taken that saying too literally. What I take that saying to mean is that you should always try to remember what your life was like towards the end of your drinking to remind yourself why you got sober. Also my conception of a higher power is no one else's business. I'm sure he meant well but I try not to give newcomers my opinion -- only my experience, strength and hope.
You're doing great dollpart!
I think the man you spoke to may have taken that saying too literally. What I take that saying to mean is that you should always try to remember what your life was like towards the end of your drinking to remind yourself why you got sober. Also my conception of a higher power is no one else's business. I'm sure he meant well but I try not to give newcomers my opinion -- only my experience, strength and hope.
You're doing great dollpart!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
dollpart,
i don't remember my last drink; i only know what date it was, not even the day of the week.
the guy sounds like he's holding tight to some arbitrary "rules" he's either made up or heard from someone else. maybe he needs them?
sorry you got that little seed of doubt, but feeding it will only make it sprout, and you don't need that.
you can choose to walk in the other direction from people who are in effect undermining your confidence.
oh: and even though i don't remember my last drink(s), i've been sober a few years now.
all doable
keep going, dollpart.
i don't remember my last drink; i only know what date it was, not even the day of the week.
the guy sounds like he's holding tight to some arbitrary "rules" he's either made up or heard from someone else. maybe he needs them?
sorry you got that little seed of doubt, but feeding it will only make it sprout, and you don't need that.
you can choose to walk in the other direction from people who are in effect undermining your confidence.
oh: and even though i don't remember my last drink(s), i've been sober a few years now.
all doable
keep going, dollpart.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
As others have said the phrase "If you can't remember your last drink you haven't had it" may be true for some but not for everyone. I am like you when I made a big deal about having my last drink I always wound up drinking again. I cannot say exactly when I took my last drink. When I started AA I had been white knuckling it for a couple months and when asked for my sobriety date I just came up with my best guess and a date that was easy for me to remember. I am sure that it is close but probably not exact.
I have also heard another phrase similar to this one "If you don't remember your last drunk you are doomed to repeat it." I think that one is closer to reality than the first because it is important for us to remember where we came from and where drinking takes us even if we don't remember the exact dates or details. I do not even remember the exact details of my last drunk but I do remember where my drinking took me. In the chapter "A Vision For You" of the Big Book the second paragraph talks about the "Four Horsemen--Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair." That is what I remember of my drunks; terror that I was out of control, bewilderment that despite my own firm resolve I had gotten drunk again, frustration that my willpower could not bring about the life that I wanted, and despair that I would never be able to rise out of the mire into which I was rapidly sinking. I think remember that is much more important than having the exact details about where, what, when and how of my last drink. By remembering it I never forget that I do not want to go back to that place.
As far as his comments regarding his interpretation of "God" please don't take that to heart, remember it is his interpretation. Stick to what the Big Book says rather than someone else's interpretation. There are many places where it talks about a Higher Power, God, Creative Intelligence, Spirit of the Universe, etc... but it never defines what that power has to be, in fact, it does just the opposite by saying that "Let us make haste to reassure you. We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God.
Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with Him.
...When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. This applies, too, to other spiritual expressions which you find in this book." Big Book, chapter "We Agnostics" page 46.
Personally, I do not have a conventional view of a Higher Power although my conception has grown and changed over the years of sobriety but I still do not believe in the "God" of my childhood or of an organized religious conception of God. But that is what works for me and that is what matters as it is my conception of a Higher Power that helps me stay sober not my using someone else's conception. If I had to rely on a religious based one I would have run from AA and would likely be dead by now as I had a huge resentment towards organized religion. Please only be concerned with your conception of a Higher Power and don't let someone else dictate to you what that has to be because that is not the program of AA.
Sorry for being so long winded.
I have also heard another phrase similar to this one "If you don't remember your last drunk you are doomed to repeat it." I think that one is closer to reality than the first because it is important for us to remember where we came from and where drinking takes us even if we don't remember the exact dates or details. I do not even remember the exact details of my last drunk but I do remember where my drinking took me. In the chapter "A Vision For You" of the Big Book the second paragraph talks about the "Four Horsemen--Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair." That is what I remember of my drunks; terror that I was out of control, bewilderment that despite my own firm resolve I had gotten drunk again, frustration that my willpower could not bring about the life that I wanted, and despair that I would never be able to rise out of the mire into which I was rapidly sinking. I think remember that is much more important than having the exact details about where, what, when and how of my last drink. By remembering it I never forget that I do not want to go back to that place.
As far as his comments regarding his interpretation of "God" please don't take that to heart, remember it is his interpretation. Stick to what the Big Book says rather than someone else's interpretation. There are many places where it talks about a Higher Power, God, Creative Intelligence, Spirit of the Universe, etc... but it never defines what that power has to be, in fact, it does just the opposite by saying that "Let us make haste to reassure you. We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God.
Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with Him.
...When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. This applies, too, to other spiritual expressions which you find in this book." Big Book, chapter "We Agnostics" page 46.
Personally, I do not have a conventional view of a Higher Power although my conception has grown and changed over the years of sobriety but I still do not believe in the "God" of my childhood or of an organized religious conception of God. But that is what works for me and that is what matters as it is my conception of a Higher Power that helps me stay sober not my using someone else's conception. If I had to rely on a religious based one I would have run from AA and would likely be dead by now as I had a huge resentment towards organized religion. Please only be concerned with your conception of a Higher Power and don't let someone else dictate to you what that has to be because that is not the program of AA.
Sorry for being so long winded.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I found I had to beleive in something, and the only requirement around that was that it made sense to me.
That thing about remembering your last drink is bunkum as Dee says. It's somebody's idea of a clever one liner. Here's what the big Book says about remembering the last drink:
"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur (they might not), they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove."
In reality, the only way we can actually live is one day at a time (unless we have a time machine lol), in the present. But the untreated alcoholic burns up an awful lot of energy worrying about the future and sweating over the past. So much so that he/she forgets to live today.
In many ways it could be said that the AA program is intended to show us how a higher power can stand in for that defective memory and give us a defense against the first drink. As we develop faith (through experience in my case) our higher power removes the worries about yesterday and tomorrow, and lets us live very effectively..today.
I always tell people I sponsor to run everything I say through the Big Book. If they cant reconcile it with the book, they should disregard it as it's only my opinion.
That thing about remembering your last drink is bunkum as Dee says. It's somebody's idea of a clever one liner. Here's what the big Book says about remembering the last drink:
"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur (they might not), they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove."
In reality, the only way we can actually live is one day at a time (unless we have a time machine lol), in the present. But the untreated alcoholic burns up an awful lot of energy worrying about the future and sweating over the past. So much so that he/she forgets to live today.
In many ways it could be said that the AA program is intended to show us how a higher power can stand in for that defective memory and give us a defense against the first drink. As we develop faith (through experience in my case) our higher power removes the worries about yesterday and tomorrow, and lets us live very effectively..today.
I always tell people I sponsor to run everything I say through the Big Book. If they cant reconcile it with the book, they should disregard it as it's only my opinion.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: london
Posts: 259
Thank you, everyone. I'm feeling better for reading all your words.
I talked it through with my sponsor and her advice was very similar to all of yours. She was a bit surprised that I don't remember my last drink, but I remember the very real consequences of my last "proper" binge. I have a broken ankle to remind me daily.
I talked it through with my sponsor and her advice was very similar to all of yours. She was a bit surprised that I don't remember my last drink, but I remember the very real consequences of my last "proper" binge. I have a broken ankle to remind me daily.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Don't let ANYONE undermine what works for you in your sobriety. Some people count days, some don't. Some people believe in God, some don't. We are all different, and there are many, many ways to get sober and stay that way.
Stay strong! You're doing great.
Stay strong! You're doing great.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
Originally Posted by readerbaby71 
Don't let ANYONE undermine what works for you in your sobriety. Some people count days, some don't. Some people believe in God, some don't. We are all different, and there are many, many ways to get sober and stay that way.
Stay strong! You're doing great.
Stay strong! You're doing great.
own and do not allow anyone to tell or convince you differently.
Are we related? lol
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