CalebHolliday

I am proud of myself, but I do understand its like playing Russian roulette. I think I am going to go fishing tomorrow to keep this sober streak going.

Mountainmanbob

I did the have a beer thing so many times that I lost count
but for me anyway
it didn't take long before playing with self deception
took a bite out of my rear end and once again on a drunken roll into la la land

Mountainman

PurpleKnight

For me I couldn't play with 1 drink, I had to have the bottle of liquor or the case of beer, what I thought was moderating quickly spiralled again.

I'm glad it stopped at 1 beer, but be careful!!

Dee74

Hey Caleb

Glad you're back - don't let yourself be fooled by the little voice telling you this means you have a measure of control now...

Abstinence and recovery is the only way I know to get better...and to shut that voice up

D
D

anattaboy

I've met only one successful moderator in my life--It was my grandfather. He told me the story of being in his early thirties in the great depression (and I think the prohibition era) he was drinking and driving his model A ford truck with my mother and aunt in the truck (they were like 4 and 6). He had a small still to make ends meet and sampled his own product daily. Anyhoo, at some point on this ride he nearly hit a tree by over-swerving for oncoming traffic and it scared him so bad with the kids in the car that he quit drinking whiskey and making it. Got a second job instead. From as long as I could remember he drank beer but always only one at about 4pm nearly every day (never on Sunday). When I was elevenish I asked him why he drank one beer every day (and he did savor them) and this story was his answer. Only many years later was I able to appreciate the strength of his character. I'm sure there are more out there but I did not run with that crowd and they wouldn't post here cuz it was not so much of a problem.

Bostonsportsfan

Cool story and it had a happy ending that 99.9% of alcoholics can't do. There is that small % of former alcoholics who can handle moderation, but I'll never be that person and most of us wont.

caboblanco

so you bought 1 beer...hmm what happened to the other 5?

Weaver

Don't tempt it my friend.

Ken33xx

There it is.

dSober

Yep, Russian roulette, exactly. Thank you! I got "The Deer Hunter" images of Bobby & Chris running through my head right now.

FBL

Never understood the "just drink one beer" thing. I drank to get drunk...took me at least 5 or 6 just to wet my whistle.

KAD

I've often heard it said, "One beer (or one drink) would just make me mad." That's definitely true for me. I'd be so obsessed with the idea of having more I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. Even when I was trying to taper and allowing myself one drink every couple hours, I barely even felt anything and it just pissed me off. Better, for me anyway, to just knock it off altogether. Otherwise, I'll be right back where I started, which is where I ended up every damn time I've tried to moderate.

LadyBlue0527

I have also met one successful moderator. My ex father in law who limited himself to one beer an hour after work in the evening and all day on the weekends.

So I tried this.

Every hour I repeated the worst 55 minute periods in my life.

gardendiva

Sounds like an exercise in torture to me.

LadyBlue0527

Indeed it was, for me. A 5 minute guzzle followed by 55 minutes of torturous waiting for the next hour to be here. For some reason he was able to manage stretching that beer out over almost the entire hour. Ugh, who wants to live like that?

malcolmsloan

My last relapse lasted 7 years and started with one beer. I had one and stopped. Felt so great the next day. I can do this, I thought, and for a while I did. For about a month, actually. Then a gradual slide began. I remember the whole line of 'reasoning' I went through: 'you've proved you're okay, and there's nothing wrong with two, but only on the weekends.' That eventually led to two beers a night. Then I realized what was going on so I figured that a glass of wine and a beer is okay. I hung out with this as my 'quota.' For about a year I played with many many ways to moderate. Then I remember one night saying f-it, I'll just get a six pack and a bottle. I remember sitting in my living room, alone, getting hosed and saying to myself, holy s!?@ here I am again, oh well. After a year of plans, patterns, systems created to support moderation, I just gave up. It took me almost 7 years to get my sobriety back.
I know a few 'normal' drinkers and they do not have to create moderation. And the do not get excited about moderating: it is just the way that they are. I am not this way and never will be. And for me there is tremendous peace in this acceptance.
Just my experience. I hope it can help.
-Malcolm

Boudicca

I understand Caleb, your post gave me a chuckle because in the past whenever I tried to moderate or "cut down" I would switch to beer. (Beer was never my DOC.)
One was never enough. The more I tried to have "just one" the worse it got.
Then I would start drinking again....the more I tried to control, the less control I had. Your Russian Roulette analogy is interesting, I knew this was going to kill me eventually.
Keep trying.

gaffo

The whole concept of moderation and the hopeless battle of the bottles that ensued was one of the early signs that I was an alcoholic. It seems that if you even ponder the concept you need to quit drinking. That's just how it was for me. Your results may vary and I hope that they do.

nodl5

if you can drink like a "gentleperson" after being an alcoholic my hat is off to you... however, announcing it on a recovery sight does not seem to be very "gentleperson" like. i also take my hat off during eulogies. just saying.

robgt350

be careful, you have 5 left.