Anoronha

My sponsor and I talked today and she told me that meetings were not for me at all but the newcomer only and that I shouldn't talk about my problems at all just the solution. Tthat going to the jails to take meetings in was not about me should only share the solution not my problems. I disagreed with her in a respectful way but told her I was considering what she said. I believe that meetings are for both me and the newcomers. That it is ok to share where you are at and your problems briefly and the solution as well or ask for help when you need it. I also believe that it makes me feel better about myself when I go to the jails it makes me feel better about myself when I feel I have helped someone. Maybe my thinking is completely wrong but this is how I feel. So please share your opinions here greatly interested. My sponsor got upset with me when I shared my opinions. She said I was being selfcentered in my thinking which may be true.

caboblanco

I'm a little..lost..You are volountering at a jail for the substance abuse program?

No I don't think you are being self centered at all

diffingo911

I have seen the "Experience, Strength and Hope" messages in the rooms have been twisted and clouded because of the influence of Group Therapy and Recovery Facility type of "Sharing".

If I have to vent/get something off My chest, I do it with My Sponsor, instead of taking up valuable time in a meeting where someone SHOULD be hearing about experience, strength and hope, NOT about my crappy day at work.

This is a huge part of the reason that AA's recovery reputation is in question a lot more everyday. This is not how the sharing in the rooms was customarily done, back in the day and the valuable messages have been lost in the process.

Anoronha

No I take AA meetings into the jails. I try not to overshare at meetings. I was just wondering if my thinking is wrong my sponsor might be right never know.

Anoronha

That is true but isn't it ok to say I am struggling with this and this is what is working for me what works for you. I mean just a brief snippet.

caboblanco

No your thinking is not wrong..and it's really cool that you go to jails to help addicts...i wouldn't mind doing such a thing...no way i would do that without giving my experience and opinion though,,but you have to listen..which I'm sure you do

neferkamichael

Anoronha, please dump this sponsor, it's obvious she's a control and dominate freak. Always remember, In an AA meeting you are still in a room full of drunks and a sponsor is a drunk too. In a meeting you have the right to share anything you deem is related to your alcoholism. Yes is is absolutely ok to say you are struggling with this that or the other. Rootin for ya.

Soberpotamus

If that's the AA general consensus about meeting attendance, then it truly is mind boggling to me. This just doesn't sound right. Why go to meetings anymore at all if in fact we don't need them? I go for ME. And if I help someone in that process, then I call that a win-win. But my sobriety is my responsibility, first and foremost.

This sponsor sounds batty, imho.

aasharon90

Like going to a doctor and having them
tell a patient they need surgery for a
problem, if we are not comfortable with
their opinion, then it is suggested to get
a second, maybe a third opinion to set
our minds at ease.

Same thing with recovery. I had my primary
sponsor, but also had many many "sponsors"
as I call the fellowship, for my own peace of
mind for help and guidance along my journey
in recovery.

I feel like we all need different things in recovery.
Like, some need a firm hand in direction. Some,
like me, needed compassion, lots of understanding,
straight to the point and leave the rest for me to
learn.

I can be taught one important lesson in recovery,
and it may take me a lifetime to learn because
Im either stubborn, cocky, think I know it all,
arrogant.....

So many have their own way of teaching,
using a primary guide, but we don't all
understand it the same way. I need simplicity.

It takes time for me to learn. And before
I can share anything, I have to be confident
in my own knowledge of how recovery works.
It took me a long time before I opened my
mouth in meetings to share my own ESH
with others because I didn't have the wisdom
as many did have before me. I couldn't share
what I didn't have or know.

I heard so many times suggested to the
new comer to take the cotton out of their
ears and put it in their mouths, so to speak.
Meaning to listen to the messages of how
it works in recovery using the tools and
knowledge of addiction and how it affects
us and others around us. Once we learn,
then we can share it with all who wish to
hear it.

My sponsor was chosen while I was in
rehab when I was told to ask at least
3 people to be my temporary sponsor
till I could get a primary one. She took
me to my very first outside meetings
while I was in rehab and I liked how she
worked her program and learned to stay
sober for as long as she had.

At one time I thought I needed a stronger,
more rigid book thumping sponsor, a
sponsor for all women, but I emmediately
found out I had to do what she told me
to do. I don't like to be told what to do.

But in suggesting what to do seemed to
be the softer, easier way for me to handle.

Soberpotamus

This sounds a lot like how I'm experiencing AA and sponsorship so far, thanks for sharing

ScottFromWI

If what you are saying is true, I'd try and find another sponsor. If you are twisting her words to manipulate the situation and garner attention ( which you just admitted you frequently do the other day ) then get working on the steps.

LBrain

I find it interesting that there is and always will be questions regarding how AA is supposed to work, how one "sponsor" goes about things and another "sponsor" is the complete opposite. I love it when "sponsors" say the AA big book is a text book and should be studied and taught as if it were the end all.
I can't remember how many times I've heard, "The Big Book says..."
Then another "sponsor" says to just take what you need and leave the rest. Or just keep coming and fake it till you make it - regarding accepting god as your higher power.

WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO TO KEEP YOU FROM DRINKING AND IMPROVING YOUR LIFE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF THIS WHOLE PROCESS.

PurpleKnight

I'm never done seeing these threads about sponsors saying this and that, I think sponsors need to be careful what they are saying and have a disclaimer that reads "this is only my opinion/viewpoint", and the sponsor then has no right to be upset when their opinion is not agreed with.

The sponsor/sponsee relationship seems to have too much power and control in it sometimes, I personally don't have a sponsor so am only speaking from my own observations, but it does come up a lot in threads!!

In terms of the question at hand, meetings are a mechanism of support, if it helps keep a person Sober then it is still a useful tool to utilise, end of debate!!

MIRecovery

How my words effect others new or old, good or bad is in God's hands. I belive all words spoken from the heart will find the person that needs to hear them. New commers are not the only people who struggle and I have been told by many wise people to bring my problems to the tables

nandm

I was taught that AA meetings are not a group therapy session and that when sharing I needed to share about my experience, strength, and hope which meant that it was not the place to complain about the problems in my life but rather to share in a general way that I might be struggling but also how I was applying the program to find a solution to that problem/struggle. When I share my story I do not leave out the rocks that have come up in my path but at the same time I also speak about what I found to be the solution to those problems or how I utilized the program to get through that rough period. I was told that if I had a problem I needed to complain about or did not know what the solution was that I was to find someone after the meeting to talk to or talk to my sponsor.

I have found that I prefer meetings that are solution oriented rather than just bitch/whine sessions. I came to AA for solutions not to find more problems. What I found was that although I found a solution for my drinking problem life still went on and sometimes rough patches hit but if I apply the Steps and Principles of the program I can find a solution to those problems without going out and drinking at them. I have stopped going to women's meetings because I have found that far too often these wind up becoming group therapy meetings where instead of being focused on the solution people just complain about the problems in their lives and don't discuss how they are applying the program to find a solution to it. To me this is non productive and does not carry the message of AA, which is how to live life without feeling like one has to drink at every little or big life problem that comes our way. I am not alone in this as I was just discussing this with a close friend last night, who just celebrated 42 years of sobriety this week, and she feels the same way I do and rarely attends women's meetings anymore for this very reason.

Db1105

I suggest that you read AA's pamphlet 'Questions and Answers on Sponsorship'. You can find it online at AA dot org.

sugarbear1

I talk about my problems with my sponsor, I talk the message of recovery by sharing my experience, strength, and hope at meetings. If it's still about me, I've missed the point of steps 5-7....and 8-12.....

Anoronha

Thanks everyone for your input and yes I have read the sponsorship pamphlet.

Anoronha

I TRY REAL HARD to not manipulate anymore so far so good I hope.

tomsteve

im gonna say it like I read it, anoronha.. I also believe yer now lookin for what you want to hear and not what ya need to hear.
taking meetings to jail is good. taking the solution to jail meetings is good, but taking your problems to jail meetings?what kind of solution do you think yer gonna get from people behind bars? "have a drink and smoke a fatty!!"that was the solution I heard a few times at jail meetings from inmates when others brought up there problems.
I see nothing wrong,though, with sharing problems and how the program helped me with the solution. taking the same problem to meeting after meeting,though, is someone lookin for what they want to hear and not what they need to hear.
its all in the motives, which just so happens theres sumthin in the steps about continueing to take personal inventory, which isn't a once a day thing. it works real well for me when I have a choice to make.

as far as your sponsor, I would strongly suggest NOT firing her. you want to grow. you want to get healthier. that aint gonna work too good if ya sponsorshop.
ya don't have to agree with everything your sponsor says. its ok to agree to disagree. hell, theres been times me and my sponsor( who has 30 years) have disagreed, and its just not when it was about solutions to my problems. it has been about his his,too.
both of us, even after initially agreeing to disagree on a matter, have occasionally ended up talkin and sayin,'ya know, you were right" which I can occasionally throw in,'ya *****." kind of my way of sometimes sayin thank you.

its pretty nice to take a problem to meetings, but I have found that it helps me to get out of myself and my problems at meetings. leave them at the door and do what I can to help someone else.