engaging in attention seeking behaviors
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assh*les.” ― William Gibson
yeah thats really true. the company you keep can really mess with your head. I can hang around one crowd feel ok and normal and another and feel like dirt. my problem is i dont really have much in the good camp i'm still looken for folks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
thought about going on a rant about this, but decided to keep it simple and not do the "program argument".
so, simple version: your sponsor is NOT a LICENSED THERAPIST. -just another drunk.
there. feel so much better now...
so, simple version: your sponsor is NOT a LICENSED THERAPIST. -just another drunk.
there. feel so much better now...
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by leviathan 
thought about going on a rant about this, but decided to keep it simple and not do the "program argument".
so, simple version: your sponsor is NOT a LICENSED THERAPIST. -just another drunk.
there. feel so much better now...
so, simple version: your sponsor is NOT a LICENSED THERAPIST. -just another drunk.
there. feel so much better now...
best of all its free of charge all they ask me to do is pass it on
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by dSober
Btw Pete. Your tag line use to bug me a bit... wasn't sure why. Now I think I know (besides the fact that I capitalize God, mostly as a courtesy). The God I found is not me but is inside me. My God is my conscience. The way I look at it, I did but I didn't find Him. Seems to be working, well, and that's good enough for me.
why do you need to call it god ?
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Originally Posted by desypete
why do you need to call it god ?
I call It God when I feel the context fits best. I capitalize out of respect for, and awe of It.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
I believe there are some GREAT therapists here. They specialize in addiction counseling. I also believe there are some LICENSED quacks out there. Makes things a little tough I guess... but "This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no fooling around".
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
If attention seeking was the worst behavior people were capable of, we'd be living on a pretty awesome planet.
We're alcoholics. Of course we want attention
. The awesome thing here is that you're now aware of it, and want be done with it. I do agree however that it ain't your sponsor's place to be pointing out your defects.
One of my sponsors used to have to tell me on almost an hourly basis, to put the bat away. Stop beating myself up. When it was obvious that I couldn't, as I didn't know how, he'd tell me to make it a smaller bat then. Go gentle with myself. I still have a rough time with that, as I am without doubt my harshest critic, but I'll advise you the same nonetheless. Go easy on yourself. Attention seeking isn't all that horrible a thing. Lots of people live their lives based on it, and never even realize that. Lots of people also redirect that energy and put it to good use. Perhaps there's a performer hiding in you, one that you never even knew was there.
I feel it's important to put out also that just cuz you noticed this, and are about to jump into the steps, doesn't mean it's going to magically disappear. For me, it was a lot more about accepting myself as I am, and trusting in the natural healing process of the steps. Many defects have been removed from me since I've gotten sober. Some really quickly, some took decades. Some still get in my way. The important thing is that we're on a healing path.
Sounds to me like you're in an awesome place right now. Pain is very powerful and sometimes even sweet motivator. IMO, anyhow.
We're alcoholics. Of course we want attention
. The awesome thing here is that you're now aware of it, and want be done with it. I do agree however that it ain't your sponsor's place to be pointing out your defects.One of my sponsors used to have to tell me on almost an hourly basis, to put the bat away. Stop beating myself up. When it was obvious that I couldn't, as I didn't know how, he'd tell me to make it a smaller bat then. Go gentle with myself. I still have a rough time with that, as I am without doubt my harshest critic, but I'll advise you the same nonetheless. Go easy on yourself. Attention seeking isn't all that horrible a thing. Lots of people live their lives based on it, and never even realize that. Lots of people also redirect that energy and put it to good use. Perhaps there's a performer hiding in you, one that you never even knew was there
.I feel it's important to put out also that just cuz you noticed this, and are about to jump into the steps, doesn't mean it's going to magically disappear. For me, it was a lot more about accepting myself as I am, and trusting in the natural healing process of the steps. Many defects have been removed from me since I've gotten sober. Some really quickly, some took decades. Some still get in my way. The important thing is that we're on a healing path.
Sounds to me like you're in an awesome place right now. Pain is very powerful and sometimes even sweet motivator. IMO, anyhow.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
joe i could listen to you all day my friend as you talk such sence just like my own sponsor does for me
my sponsor is 35 years sober and like you describe he describes the same patten of how long things take for us to be able to see them.
i look back at my own early years in aa and i remember sharing at meetings my hurt and angry at losing so much in my life its wasnt fair that the social services took my kids away it wasnt fair that the police locked me up, it wasnt fair full stop how bad my life was
and it took a while without a drink in me for my brain to start to clear and it took a long time for me to even understand i had to forgive myself for the shame of my life
it took years for me to understand its a mental illness as i thought i was normal and just did bad things when i was drunk lol
today i have a much better understanding of myself thanks to my sponsor and the people in aa who have been honest about themselves,
if they didnt show me its ok to be honest with there own storys then i wouldnt of tried it at all
my steps have helped me clear out my rubbish and forgive myself and be there to try to just help someone else
its no big deal but i have found it works for me well i find freedom in calling up a new comer and finding out how there doing today or getting to a meetings and helping out
it really is a far cry from the drunk fellow who shown up in aa 10 years ago
its down to people like you joe who share there experience and give out real hope to anyone without putting any conditions on it
thanks
my sponsor is 35 years sober and like you describe he describes the same patten of how long things take for us to be able to see them.
i look back at my own early years in aa and i remember sharing at meetings my hurt and angry at losing so much in my life its wasnt fair that the social services took my kids away it wasnt fair that the police locked me up, it wasnt fair full stop how bad my life was
and it took a while without a drink in me for my brain to start to clear and it took a long time for me to even understand i had to forgive myself for the shame of my life
it took years for me to understand its a mental illness as i thought i was normal and just did bad things when i was drunk lol
today i have a much better understanding of myself thanks to my sponsor and the people in aa who have been honest about themselves,
if they didnt show me its ok to be honest with there own storys then i wouldnt of tried it at all
my steps have helped me clear out my rubbish and forgive myself and be there to try to just help someone else
its no big deal but i have found it works for me well i find freedom in calling up a new comer and finding out how there doing today or getting to a meetings and helping out
it really is a far cry from the drunk fellow who shown up in aa 10 years ago
its down to people like you joe who share there experience and give out real hope to anyone without putting any conditions on it
thanks
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Western Washington
Posts: 202
Originally Posted by Anoronha
My sponsor pointed out to me my attention seeking behavior. She told me she was a single mom and very busy and she will take me through the steps if I was serious about them. I have come to realize how much I seek attention and it makes me upset. I did that today in a major way and now I feel ashamed about it. That is something I need to work on. The steps will help with that.
I work with children and I always get angry when people dismiss their behavior as "attention seeking". Duh, of course they want attention, that is a basic human need and not a character flaw. Our job is to help them attract positive attention "thanks so much for helping me clean the kitchen, now we have time to play/cuddle together" instead of negative attention.
I think the same applies to all of us. You deserve unlimited love and attention. How can you meet that need in a way that also enhances life for those around you? Volunteering can be a great one--giving attention to those who need it also places positive attention and appreciation on you.
Best to you, and if your sponsor is too busy to make the time you need, maybe a less busy sponsor would be a better fit for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by Kitkat331
I'm confused, what's wrong with wanting attention?
I work with children and I always get angry when people dismiss their behavior as "attention seeking". Duh, of course they want attention, that is a basic human need and not a character flaw. Our job is to help them attract positive attention "thanks so much for helping me clean the kitchen, now we have time to play/cuddle together" instead of negative attention.
I think the same applies to all of us. You deserve unlimited love and attention. How can you meet that need in a way that also enhances life for those around you? Volunteering can be a great one--giving attention to those who need it also places positive attention and appreciation on you.
Best to you, and if your sponsor is too busy to make the time you need, maybe a less busy sponsor would be a better fit for you.
I work with children and I always get angry when people dismiss their behavior as "attention seeking". Duh, of course they want attention, that is a basic human need and not a character flaw. Our job is to help them attract positive attention "thanks so much for helping me clean the kitchen, now we have time to play/cuddle together" instead of negative attention.
I think the same applies to all of us. You deserve unlimited love and attention. How can you meet that need in a way that also enhances life for those around you? Volunteering can be a great one--giving attention to those who need it also places positive attention and appreciation on you.
Best to you, and if your sponsor is too busy to make the time you need, maybe a less busy sponsor would be a better fit for you.
they always need a pat on the head for anything and if they dont get it then they will react badly
they have to come to learn and understand the difference
i certainly did and still do at times
put me in a relationship and i will want 24 / 7 attention unless i am bored and want something else to do lol
its something i have to work on with a sponsor who understands me and what the problem is
hope that helps explain a bit of how a relationship with a sponsor works to you : )
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