least

I've been on Zoloft for years now and will take them the rest of my life. My depression is bearable due to the meds. Some of us need medication. I'd say, give them a try for a few months to see how it affects your mood.

bob2093

I'm In the same shoes you are. I'm always worried it will mess with my brain to a point I can't do my work. I know the pills would definitely help me out with the "upstairs" problem. Didn't read what others have replied. It would be great to know if pills help you!

Aellyce

Thank you all! These responses and all the information in them have been very helpful. I basically wanted to see how different people handled and feel in similar situations.

I personally don't have anything against meds in general. Definitely was very stubborn in the past even about going to doctors or any form of treatment, but I feel that resistance (a false sense of independence and self-sufficiency) is mostly gone from me now. My recent experiences have really convinced me that it's best to get help and lean on others when necessary. I think the same about psychotropic medications. I made a few mistakes in the past not seeking help, when antidepressants and perhaps other drugs might have made a big difference. I'm honestly done wanting to solve everything in life by myself. The recent success with nearly 5 months of sobriety using various kinds of support, after many years when I could not even put together 2-3 days of continuous sobriety, speaks for the cause very clearly.

I would take the meds immediately with no hesitation now if I felt as down as in the past several times, or as anxious now sober - it's just that I don't feel that way now. Of course it does not mean that I am free of mental problems, I know as a fact that I have many issues (why I decided to see a therapist) even if the sum of it feels much better now than, say, just last year. I hesitate only because now I honestly feel better in every way than in the last 8-10 years on average. But I do acknowledge that probably this is still far from my best. Maybe I don't even know what my "best" is, or what it could be - I certainly had psychological problems since I was a kid, different kinds. Mental illnesses also run in my family, so I probably have a "good" background for that. I think I totally accept these things and also that perhaps I'll need help and support for the rest of my life.

It's actually not a bad thing - for example, I thoroughly enjoy therapy now, and just started not long ago. I don't think I am "hard to treat" that way, more the opposite perhaps - actually my therapist expressed this a few times, complimenting on how open minded and cooperative I am, and he clearly also enjoys the sessions with me. The psychiatrist I saw does not know me, only saw me once for an hour. Maybe he thought I was "hard to treat" because I had many questions to him that might have come across as criticism, it wasn't meant to be. But yeah I know that often people who have some background in the medical field, or in psychiatry/psychology in this case, are sometimes not the best patients.

So, basically my only concern about the meds is whether I truly need them just NOW, when I feel better than ever, in general. Maybe that's still lower than a good average? I can totally imagine and accept that perhaps I've never really been in a truly good place mentally in my life, or at least relative to my potential. THIS (that I feel I've never realized my potential) is one thing I told both the therapist and psychiatrist, in a very confident way, because that's how I feel. Still. But I'm not sure it's not only my perfectionism and general idea about life that we should always be aiming for something better...

Anyhow, I've decided that I'll wait till my next therapy session (next week) with the meds. Like some of you suggested, I need to discuss it and understand why and how they might help in this current phase. Yes I still have dark days, but they are far and few now. I really like my therapist and trust his perceptions, just need to understand myself. The reason why I don't want to just go ahead and start the meds is what many of you who tried similar regimes, probably know well. There can be side effects, an adjustment period to them, and then maybe I get lucky to get the regime right first time, maybe not... I'm just afraid these might introduce a new level of instability and challenge, and I only want to take it if I'm ~convinced it's worth the risk. But then I won't hesitate, I think.

Thanks a lot again!

Aellyce

Hey everyone,

Thought I would update this older thread that I started about my dilemmas regarding antidepressants, since a few of you were asking me about the experience. Finally I decided to give my prescription a try and it's been ~10 days now. So the update here and now is that I really feel for everyone who experimented with finding the right meds, dose, etc for them. So far mainly (only?) side effects for me, and pretty intense ones. I'm glad I did not do this experiment during the first month of sobriety, although who know perhaps then it would have been a different reaction since all this is about altered brain chemistry. Whew! Anyhow, that's all I want to say about it right now, will probably update again some time later to report how it unfolds.

Thanks again for all the great responses on this thread earlier.

Aellyce

I want to add something just in case... would never want anyone to make the wrong conclusions from my words. I think what I'm experiencing is yet another example for what has inspired "modern" psychiatry for what they call individualized treatment.

In other words, no one should make serious conclusions from my, or anyone else's, experience with these medications. It's all determined by a very complex network of factors that are not possible to define clearly based on our current knowledge. But there are patterns of responses, and personal experiences.

Anyhow, I just wanted to make sure no one would interpret my comment negatively.

Aellyce

I feel a need to update this thread again. So it'll be 4 weeks on Effexor this coming weekend. It's been a weird ride for me just as I know it is for most people to try an AD for the first time. I had all sorts of side effects during the first ~12 days, and most of them eventually subsided, including the elevated anxiety. I had it prescribed for anxiety primarily. After those initial days, things started to change...I grew thrilled how anxiety-free I'd become!! I really only had mental reactions to normal stresses (e.g. this morning), which is very unusual for me, and even those were rather mild. Definitely pleasant this way. My problem now is that I keep getting this bouts of depressed moods that I have not had for a long time (>a year). So low at times (eg. tonight) that I would not want to put out here the kind of thoughts I have in my head... it's extreme for me relative to the past ~ one year. It comes and goes, but the amplitudes tend to be higher than what I experienced during my alcohol detox over 6 months ago. It's very hard for me, I find that I tolerate high anxiety much better than depression. I will call my doc in the morning, but I did that already several times, he can't do much more than say it's up to me to decide whether I want to continue with this med, try something else, or stop altogether. I've been strong and determined so far but depressed states like tonight really put me in doubt zone... I know I may not sound that bad through these words but that's just because my primary coping mechanism is analysis and intellectualization. I really feel *** inside now in a way I have not for a long time. I had some practical distraction earlier today, but now I realize it was really a distraction.

Any wisdom or experience as to how to deal with this? I did want to give this med a decent chance for at least a month, as recommended, but I'm struggling with the decision now. I just feel like any level of anxiety is better than this extreme low.

Verte

While I have never taken Effexor, I can appreciate what an accomplishment it is to introduce a medication into your body chemistry (and life) for 30days My only suggestion, if you have not done already, is to take a look at a calendar - cycle, stressors, sleep, eating, physical activity, habits. The whole month calendar perspective helps me to feel better about making challenging decisions. No, I do not think I could voluntarily tolerate much of anything any longer that threw me into deep funky grey times (unless the month perspective revealed that it was in fact an atypical month).

And you could always consult the Magic-8 Ball Sorry to read that this month has been hard with the med. But am so very happy to read your posts. Get some sleep Haennie!

Aellyce

LTV - thank you so much for your comment! That was the single best idea I've been given or thought of for a good while! I do tend to analyze my experiences in complex ways but did not do this one the way you described. Now I did and I can indeed see a potential culprit that's not simply the med. I totally believe in the power of the what you said because I know from science how profoundly experience and events affect us and interact with whatever biochemistry we have ongoing in our bodies. But in my personal life I'm not experienced with takings meds at all. I've learned a very good method from you now!

SoberHoopsFan

I've taken Paxil and Effexor in the past. When I left college, I had abused ecstacy and cocaine a lot the previous 2 years, so my doctor believed my serotonin levels were screwed up and that Paxil might help me out of it. It definitely worked to make me feel better, but I didn't stay on it long as I wanted to drink and the drug wouldn't really work if I was drinking. So I sort of gave up on it after about 2-3 weeks.

At some point in the next year, after I continued to abuse alcohol and coke, I went into a deep depression where I had no energy for like a month. Getting to work or even being out was seemingly physically impossible. The doctor diagnosed me with depression and prescribed Effexor. I took it probably for a couple months and it worked wonders getting me out of the depression. However, it also killed my sex drive and had a sort of artificial feeling to it that made me feel not quite myself. After a couple months, I weaned myself off of it and have never taken anything like that since.

Overall, I'd say if you are in a deep funk or feeling pretty desperate, these meds can help you return to a more normal baseline (although with side effects). But realistically, I would never want to be addicted to these medications and it would take something extraordinarily drastic in my life for me to even consider them again. Some people may need them I suppose, but I'd be weary of taking them if the doctor gives you an option.

Based on the side effects you mention above (which I just saw), I think you should talk to a doctor and consider weaning yourself off. Effexor should not be making you feel depressed.

080514

It sounds like you may want to try something else. Similar to a PP I have had major issues in the past with flushing, stuttering, sweating, and other social anxiety problems. I was on Zoloft but gained 30 lbs. I am now on Lexapro and the weight has come off (along with diet and exercise of course). The SSRIs have actually been really great for me, I don't get the major PPMD symptoms, anxiety, etc that I used to have. It seems like if the positives are there, it may just need an adjustment or different med to work through the potential depressive side effects. JM 2 cents.

Aellyce

Just talked with the doctor. We've agreed that I try at least one more week as all these effects and side effects have been coming and going. He would put me on SSRI's instead of Effexor later if I wanted to try, but felt reluctant for the first trial because of my tendency for hypomanic-like and mixed states and full blown bipolar with psychotic features in my family. The idea is not to induce me into what I might be predisposed to, with medication.

So, gonna have to deal with this funk a bit more. I will try to go on long walks at the sun in the park and at the beach this week, go visit some interesting exhibitions, and meditate with music. Also just called a good friend to hang out tomorrow evening.

I will also try to see an OB/GYN to discuss my cycle because I do feel I have hormonal problems that are outside of the normal range.

Thanks for the good advice, guys and gals, I really appreciate every piece of wisdom and shared experience, especially with the ***ed up head that I have on my neck right now.

alphaomega

Pulling for you sister. Those walks in the sun are happiness on tap.

XO AO

alphaomega

Took you with me on MY loooonnnggg walk and bike ride today.

Sending you peace and positive.

XO AO

Gargery

Frankly, if you have a doctor you trust, I'd obey his recommendations, perhaps after seeking a second opinion. Why pay him with your money and your time otherwise?

Aellyce

AO - awww, thanks, you're so sweet Sounds like we appreciate a similar approach to achieving "altered mental states" via getting out moving. I went to an awesome run yesterday and will again today. Feeling much better now. I think that wave of low mood and agitation was probably due to a mix of recent stresses (sometimes I don't even realize I'm stressed while it's happening) and maybe some medication effects.

Gargery - yes I absolutely think the same way. Actually saw two different doctors plus a therapist before I decided to try these meds, and we were all on the same page. I am definitely determined to do all this properly, like you said why pay them and stress myself otherwise? I work in the mental health field myself, so have some ideas about these things... I even changed therapist once in the very beginning because I could quickly tell the first one would not be too good for me. The one I'm seeing now is quite insightful and helpful. I definitely don't like to do things in chaotic ways - I did enough of that while being a drinker, but it's not my "normal" nature. I think I just freaked out because I had a few unusually/unexpectedly intense days. I guess I'm still adjusting to both sobriety and now these new meds and approaches.

Thanks guys for the support and advice - experiment is being continued

readerbaby71

I've been taking meds since 2007. Once I accepted that they are something I need to help with my mental stability it's been easier to let go of the stigma of having bipolar disorder. One thing my shrink has said to me multiple times has really stuck. He says, "perfectionists are the most resistant to taking medication. It's like pulling teeth because you are obsessed with doing it all on your own the "right" way."

It makes sense to me and I think A LOT of people with addictions are perfectionists....

Just some food for thought. Hope you have a great day!

Aellyce

Thank you so much, Readredbaby You are absolutely correct. I have been "fighting" my perfectionistic tendencies since early childhood (and some of my early childhood experiences definitely contributed to its development, but probably inherited biological predisposition, too). Nearly everyone who got to know me well commented on these perfectionistic attitudes over decades... my recent therapy work of course as well. Obviously lots of self-esteem issues in the background. I've been trying to work on these for a few years now and it's quite significantly better, but still a long way to go. Haha, just this last sentence "still a long way to go" highlights the perfectionism, right....? And my still "young" sobriety also puts everything in a new perspective.

I am actually very happy going through all these psych evaluations and suggestions. I think I honestly have no shame or fear about stigmas related to mental illnesses in general, including my own. This interest and awareness have been my drive also to become interested in the mental health area since my teens, and in more recent years getting into it as a research biologist. I don't feel ashamed about these kinds of problems because I know they are very real, and the task is to try to find solutions to get better for every one of us. So, I've actually been pretty exctited about my recent "adventures" with therapy and even these meds, very curious what comes of it.

As for diagnoses, for me there has never been a clear cut opinion. I do show some bipolar tendencies, but whenever I did formal evals with professionals, those do not reach any "DSM level". In general, both the professionals I've been seeing and myself, seem to get more out of unstructured investigations. In my own research, I love the more recent theories in psychiatry that all these "disorders" we can have move along a spectrum. From all I've learned so far about myself, it seems like I do not tend to hit full blown textbook diagnostic criteria in most of my time, except when I once had a major depressive episode, my alcohol addiction, and eating disorders in the past. Even my anxiety is a atypical. There is definitely a mental health spectrum in my family, both lineages but I know much more about my father's.

So all-in-all, I have not been easy to put in a box for anyone so far, and I very much appreciate my doctors' careful attitudes knowing my personal and family history. We'll see where it goes, I think I am as open-minded as I can be

WhiskyTengo

Hi Haennie -

Just wondering how you are feeling on the meds. We're you able to level off and find some peace ?

Aellyce

Hi WhiskyTengo,

Thanks for asking. My psych team and I actually decided to stop this particular med after >5 weeks of trying a relatively low dose. I felt very unstable on it, much more than during the months before starting, and I tended to experience extremes: either elation or very depressed moods, changing rapidly, within days. I am experienced when it comes to mood swings, but the extent of it that I had experienced on Effexor was just really off for me, sober or not. I was also often sick to the stomach and had no appetite. My psychiatrist, therapist, and myself considered many possible aspects of the issue from early sobriety to possible PAWS to hormonal imbalances, and I had blood tests done again with normal results, but the thing was that I've tracked my feelings and progress over the past 6+ months since sober and those 5 weeks on Effexor just looked off no matter how we looked at it. Some days were awesome but it introduced depressive symptoms that I had not experienced for a long time. So I am weaning it off now.