I cannot do this any longer :(
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Wendolene - please don't let yourself be overwhelmed 
Some of us have other issues that we need to tackle in tandem with our alcoholism. It may not be fair but it's what it is.
I had to struggle for a year with my anxiety and depression and lack of self esteem. Every cell in my body cried out for the alcohol fix...but I knew I had to try another way.
I had to trust the people here who told me there were no answers back the way came. I could agree with that.
But I had to take it on faith when they said it would get better. That was hard, but I stuck with it - and things did get better
It wasn't an overnight change - it took a while, and it took many Drs and counsellors and treatments until I found the right combination.
They say in AA don't leave before the miracle happens. I always did before.
I was determined not to do that time.
Miracles do happen Wendolene - stay with us
D
Some of us have other issues that we need to tackle in tandem with our alcoholism. It may not be fair but it's what it is.
I had to struggle for a year with my anxiety and depression and lack of self esteem. Every cell in my body cried out for the alcohol fix...but I knew I had to try another way.
I had to trust the people here who told me there were no answers back the way came. I could agree with that.
But I had to take it on faith when they said it would get better. That was hard, but I stuck with it - and things did get better
It wasn't an overnight change - it took a while, and it took many Drs and counsellors and treatments until I found the right combination.
They say in AA don't leave before the miracle happens. I always did before.
I was determined not to do that time.
Miracles do happen Wendolene - stay with us
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
Thank you everyone for your kindness and advice - it means a lot to me.
I'm still very tense this morning - craving a drink, but I am going to have a leisurely bath and some herbal tea and see if it relaxes me.
I went for a walk to get some fresh air, exercise and time to think yesterday evening. I really don't want to throw away my 5 months.
So, I think another trip to the doctor is in order - I will be more open this time as one poster suggested - I might even print out my OP and show them. Sometimes it is easier for me to express myself in writing rather than speaking. I'll let you know how I get on.
I may be hanging over the edge of a precipice, but someone is still holding my hand to stop me falling down.
I'm still very tense this morning - craving a drink, but I am going to have a leisurely bath and some herbal tea and see if it relaxes me.
I went for a walk to get some fresh air, exercise and time to think yesterday evening. I really don't want to throw away my 5 months.
So, I think another trip to the doctor is in order - I will be more open this time as one poster suggested - I might even print out my OP and show them. Sometimes it is easier for me to express myself in writing rather than speaking. I'll let you know how I get on.
I may be hanging over the edge of a precipice, but someone is still holding my hand to stop me falling down.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Wendolene 
I may be hanging over the edge of a precipice, but someone is still holding my hand to stop me falling down.
I believe God/the Universe/Goodness, whatever you call your Higher Power does meet us where we are and can restore us to sanity.
Your spinning thoughts sound so familiar to me, and I want to say there is a way out. Keep seeking.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Wendolene
I really don't want to throw away my 5 months.
Hang tight it is just a bump in the road.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Wendolene - good for you for having a good walk and some breathing time. This is HUGE! Moving forward one step at a time when one feels stuck is an enormous accomplishment.
Please let us know how things go for you today. Keep writing it down. If you are asking the questions and do not get answers...there are always more options and/or ways to look at things. You are rocking
Please let us know how things go for you today. Keep writing it down. If you are asking the questions and do not get answers...there are always more options and/or ways to look at things. You are rocking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
Thanks, guys. <3
I've got a friend coming over tonight and I'm a little nervous. I was in a very severe anxiety state on Saturday, and he eventually lost his temper with me, having tried to help all day: 'Will you sit down and relax!', he said as he raised his voice to me. I thought chance would be a fine thing at the time. So, fuelled by anger (which strangely numbed the anxiety), I went out for a drive by myself, my music blaring from my car. When I got back, unsurprisingly he had left, and the meal out we had planned for the evening did not come to fruition.
I really owe him a big apology tonight. I have already apologised by text, but doing it face-to-face will be more difficult. I think we will get a take out instead of going for a meal, as the temptation to drink will be much less.
I had my bath, and it has helped a little bit. It's day 4 on the increased dose of Pregabalin, so I hope I'm not in a heightened depressive state like I was after taking it yesterday. Fingers crossed.
again. You are all great, and I don't know where I'd be without the shoulder to cry on that you offer.
I've got a friend coming over tonight and I'm a little nervous. I was in a very severe anxiety state on Saturday, and he eventually lost his temper with me, having tried to help all day: 'Will you sit down and relax!', he said as he raised his voice to me. I thought chance would be a fine thing at the time. So, fuelled by anger (which strangely numbed the anxiety), I went out for a drive by myself, my music blaring from my car. When I got back, unsurprisingly he had left, and the meal out we had planned for the evening did not come to fruition.
I really owe him a big apology tonight. I have already apologised by text, but doing it face-to-face will be more difficult. I think we will get a take out instead of going for a meal, as the temptation to drink will be much less.
I had my bath, and it has helped a little bit. It's day 4 on the increased dose of Pregabalin, so I hope I'm not in a heightened depressive state like I was after taking it yesterday. Fingers crossed.
again. You are all great, and I don't know where I'd be without the shoulder to cry on that you offer.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Wend, I did not start to feel better until well over 8 months sober. I promise you things do get better, but it takes time. We didn't start drinking overnight, we don't recover overnight either. Sobriety and Serenity are two very different things. You can be sober and unhappy, thats completely possible. But once more time passes, your body will feel better, your head clears up a little more, and you'll start to feel more calm. Serenity is a precious thing to me now. I hold on to it as long as I can, God willing, I do not ever want to go back to drinking. That was worse than death.
You can be sober and unhappy, thats completely possible. But once more time passes, your body will feel better, your head clears up a little more, and you'll start to feel more calm. Serenity is a precious thing to me now. I hold on to it as long as I can, God willing, I do not ever want to go back to drinking. That was worse than death. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
So, my friend came over last night. Everything was fine - I quickly got the apology out of the way, and there were no issues at all. We just had a quiet evening in, watched one of the Top Gear challenges, had a laugh on the Wii and played some Uno (it's a bit of a blast from the past for me!). Had one of my favourite fizzy drinks (non-alcoholic Strawberry Daiquiri) as a treat.
I felt more stable in mood yesterday, though the anxiety was still there. The Pregabalin seemed to work better than the day before, though.
I might go for another walk today, tackle the dreaded housework, and play some piano to help me relax (though, one of the pieces I'm working on at the moment is Bach's Invention 4, which is not all that relaxing!). I have to keep myself busy when the temptation is worse than usual.
I felt more stable in mood yesterday, though the anxiety was still there. The Pregabalin seemed to work better than the day before, though
.I might go for another walk today, tackle the dreaded housework, and play some piano to help me relax (though, one of the pieces I'm working on at the moment is Bach's Invention 4, which is not all that relaxing!). I have to keep myself busy when the temptation is worse than usual.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Wendolene
So, my friend came over last night. Everything was fine - I quickly got the apology out of the way, and there were no issues at all. We just had a quiet evening in, watched one of the Top Gear challenges, had a laugh on the Wii and played some Uno (it's a bit of a blast from the past for me!). Had one of my favourite fizzy drinks (non-alcoholic Strawberry Daiquiri) as a treat.
I felt more stable in mood yesterday, though the anxiety was still there. The Pregabalin seemed to work better than the day before, though.
I might go for another walk today, tackle the dreaded housework, and play some piano to help me relax (though, one of the pieces I'm working on at the moment is Bach's Invention 4, which is not all that relaxing!). I have to keep myself busy when the temptation is worse than usual.
I felt more stable in mood yesterday, though the anxiety was still there. The Pregabalin seemed to work better than the day before, though
.I might go for another walk today, tackle the dreaded housework, and play some piano to help me relax (though, one of the pieces I'm working on at the moment is Bach's Invention 4, which is not all that relaxing!). I have to keep myself busy when the temptation is worse than usual.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Western ny
Posts: 388
One of the things you'll notice with getting sober is your mood can shift pretty drastically from one day to another, even at 5 months your still adjusting. Sometimes all you can do is power through the bad days, and eventually you'll notice the bad days are fewer and farther between.
I'm jealous of your piano skills, wish I could bust out some Bach.
I'm jealous of your piano skills, wish I could bust out some Bach.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
Hi again,
So, today hasn't been such a great day, and I would also really appreciate some advice, to be honest.
It has been bakingly hot all day, and when I came back from my shopping trip and the house was still a furnace, I decided to open the back door to let a through-draft in. My next-door neighbour was having a BBQ with a few friends, when my ears propped up at the mention of the word 'wine'. I shouldn't have been listening to their conversation, but it was extremely loud, and basically revolved around people's drinking habits, how so-and-so was 'really wasted' last Thursday, and how they had 'never woken up in the street' and 'knew when to go home and go to bed'. One of the comments was about how a particular person would drink wine instead of beer and sometimes sneer at the beer-drinkers, but then end up trashed. This hit a nerve with me, and I was struggling to zone myself out, so resigned myself to shutting the door and baking in the heat again. After all, I just have to learn to deal with these things, as the world cannot revolve around me and my alcoholism.
Things got worse when our neighbour knocked on our door and asked us if we 'fancied coming in for a beer or something'. We've only been living in our current home for about 4 months, and this was the first time that a social invitation has been extended to us, and I appreciated that he had thought of including us. I think he is about the same age as us - late twenties. However, my partner answered the door, said we were 'in the middle of something' and politely declined his invitation. My neighbour did say we were always welcome over later if we liked. I know my partner only had my best interests at heart, as he didn't want me to experience the awkwardness of explaining, once I got over there, why I didn't drink.
Now I am feeling terrible, because I don't have much of a social life, having moved away from familiar faces, and I basically feel we snubbed him. My partner said he could have told him the truth, but I know that not everyone is as understanding of alcoholism, or appreciates that it is a progressive illness that can affect anybody. I'm not sure whether to accept the situation happened, or give him a knock on his door and invite him around for a coffee another day when he doesn't have people over, so he doesn't think we are being anti-social. In my opinion, it was pretty obvious we weren't doing much.
I hate the fact that this had to strike me so young
.
So, today hasn't been such a great day, and I would also really appreciate some advice, to be honest.
It has been bakingly hot all day, and when I came back from my shopping trip and the house was still a furnace, I decided to open the back door to let a through-draft in. My next-door neighbour was having a BBQ with a few friends, when my ears propped up at the mention of the word 'wine'. I shouldn't have been listening to their conversation, but it was extremely loud, and basically revolved around people's drinking habits, how so-and-so was 'really wasted' last Thursday, and how they had 'never woken up in the street' and 'knew when to go home and go to bed'. One of the comments was about how a particular person would drink wine instead of beer and sometimes sneer at the beer-drinkers, but then end up trashed. This hit a nerve with me, and I was struggling to zone myself out, so resigned myself to shutting the door and baking in the heat again. After all, I just have to learn to deal with these things, as the world cannot revolve around me and my alcoholism.
Things got worse when our neighbour knocked on our door and asked us if we 'fancied coming in for a beer or something'. We've only been living in our current home for about 4 months, and this was the first time that a social invitation has been extended to us, and I appreciated that he had thought of including us. I think he is about the same age as us - late twenties. However, my partner answered the door, said we were 'in the middle of something' and politely declined his invitation. My neighbour did say we were always welcome over later if we liked. I know my partner only had my best interests at heart, as he didn't want me to experience the awkwardness of explaining, once I got over there, why I didn't drink.
Now I am feeling terrible, because I don't have much of a social life, having moved away from familiar faces, and I basically feel we snubbed him. My partner said he could have told him the truth, but I know that not everyone is as understanding of alcoholism, or appreciates that it is a progressive illness that can affect anybody. I'm not sure whether to accept the situation happened, or give him a knock on his door and invite him around for a coffee another day when he doesn't have people over, so he doesn't think we are being anti-social. In my opinion, it was pretty obvious we weren't doing much.
I hate the fact that this had to strike me so young
.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
I think you've done the right thing by declining. You could have faced all sorts of pressure to drink. And how supportive was your partner! Bless him.
A coffee another time could be a good way to build a friendship with your neighbour.
This has struck you young, but you are facing it young - and you'll have the rest of your life to live sober and well, without blackouts or hangovers. It took me an awful lot longer to realise I had a problem and then many more years before I did anything about it
I do hope you start to feel brighter soon and can take pride in your achievement. 5 months is excellent.
Hang in there, Wend. We're rooting for you
A coffee another time could be a good way to build a friendship with your neighbour.
This has struck you young, but you are facing it young - and you'll have the rest of your life to live sober and well, without blackouts or hangovers. It took me an awful lot longer to realise I had a problem and then many more years before I did anything about it
I do hope you start to feel brighter soon and can take pride in your achievement. 5 months is excellent.
Hang in there, Wend. We're rooting for you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Hang in there Wendolene, you just need to go a bit further. It took me about 7 months for most of the really bad impulses to go away. Eventually you'll be able to go to things where others drink and you don't and you will think nothing of it. If that invention 4 is driving you nuts try air on the G string 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by Wendolene
Hi again,
So, today hasn't been such a great day, and I would also really appreciate some advice, to be honest.
It has been bakingly hot all day, and when I came back from my shopping trip and the house was still a furnace, I decided to open the back door to let a through-draft in. My next-door neighbour was having a BBQ with a few friends, when my ears propped up at the mention of the word 'wine'. I shouldn't have been listening to their conversation, but it was extremely loud, and basically revolved around people's drinking habits, how so-and-so was 'really wasted' last Thursday, and how they had 'never woken up in the street' and 'knew when to go home and go to bed'. One of the comments was about how a particular person would drink wine instead of beer and sometimes sneer at the beer-drinkers, but then end up trashed. This hit a nerve with me, and I was struggling to zone myself out, so resigned myself to shutting the door and baking in the heat again. After all, I just have to learn to deal with these things, as the world cannot revolve around me and my alcoholism.
Things got worse when our neighbour knocked on our door and asked us if we 'fancied coming in for a beer or something'. We've only been living in our current home for about 4 months, and this was the first time that a social invitation has been extended to us, and I appreciated that he had thought of including us. I think he is about the same age as us - late twenties. However, my partner answered the door, said we were 'in the middle of something' and politely declined his invitation. My neighbour did say we were always welcome over later if we liked. I know my partner only had my best interests at heart, as he didn't want me to experience the awkwardness of explaining, once I got over there, why I didn't drink.
Now I am feeling terrible, because I don't have much of a social life, having moved away from familiar faces, and I basically feel we snubbed him. My partner said he could have told him the truth, but I know that not everyone is as understanding of alcoholism, or appreciates that it is a progressive illness that can affect anybody. I'm not sure whether to accept the situation happened, or give him a knock on his door and invite him around for a coffee another day when he doesn't have people over, so he doesn't think we are being anti-social. In my opinion, it was pretty obvious we weren't doing much.
I hate the fact that this had to strike me so young.
So, today hasn't been such a great day, and I would also really appreciate some advice, to be honest.
It has been bakingly hot all day, and when I came back from my shopping trip and the house was still a furnace, I decided to open the back door to let a through-draft in. My next-door neighbour was having a BBQ with a few friends, when my ears propped up at the mention of the word 'wine'. I shouldn't have been listening to their conversation, but it was extremely loud, and basically revolved around people's drinking habits, how so-and-so was 'really wasted' last Thursday, and how they had 'never woken up in the street' and 'knew when to go home and go to bed'. One of the comments was about how a particular person would drink wine instead of beer and sometimes sneer at the beer-drinkers, but then end up trashed. This hit a nerve with me, and I was struggling to zone myself out, so resigned myself to shutting the door and baking in the heat again. After all, I just have to learn to deal with these things, as the world cannot revolve around me and my alcoholism.
Things got worse when our neighbour knocked on our door and asked us if we 'fancied coming in for a beer or something'. We've only been living in our current home for about 4 months, and this was the first time that a social invitation has been extended to us, and I appreciated that he had thought of including us. I think he is about the same age as us - late twenties. However, my partner answered the door, said we were 'in the middle of something' and politely declined his invitation. My neighbour did say we were always welcome over later if we liked. I know my partner only had my best interests at heart, as he didn't want me to experience the awkwardness of explaining, once I got over there, why I didn't drink.
Now I am feeling terrible, because I don't have much of a social life, having moved away from familiar faces, and I basically feel we snubbed him. My partner said he could have told him the truth, but I know that not everyone is as understanding of alcoholism, or appreciates that it is a progressive illness that can affect anybody. I'm not sure whether to accept the situation happened, or give him a knock on his door and invite him around for a coffee another day when he doesn't have people over, so he doesn't think we are being anti-social. In my opinion, it was pretty obvious we weren't doing much.
I hate the fact that this had to strike me so young
.Hi Wend.........wow and I would have been so happy if I got some sense and stopped earlier than 37. I think you will hear that from a lot of us here. Consider yourself blessed that you were strong enough to do something about this.
Think of it this way, if you were drinking like you had been and went over to the party, you may have been the next person they were talking about getting TRASHED. Now you can be SO ABOVE that, LOL!
I think you will make a better life for yourself in sobriety. The friends you make when you are a drunk, fall by the way side when you stop making a full of yourself like them.
The friends you make now will be real friends, not just Bar buddies. Trust me.
I was a Disco Queen of the 80"s I could walk into any club and know everyone there. How cool was that??? Not cool at all, I dare say when I stopped the club scene my phone never rang, I do not even think they realized I was gone. Drunks live for other drunks only when they are drunks!
You are doing great girlfriend , and your partner is Golden for having your back!
You will have a lifetime in sobriety to make Real friends.
Good Wishes,
TrixMixer
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Originally Posted by Wendolene
I saw a documentary that said that only 1 in 5 people beat their alcohol dependency, and this number is drastically reduced if you suffer from mental health issues.
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