iam2antsy

i can put on a good front to anybody/everybody in public. but really i'm dying inside mentally, emotionally. and i hate when i'm drunk my mind races & i will send emails to my sisters (i have 4 & we are way apart in years & relationships -way too much to explain) about how i feel - seriously sometimes i wake up & have anxiety attacks - nerves will make me puke - because of what i say...but it is my inner feelings - wtf?? i really don't get any response though....i guess i work my nerves up for nothing.

Amy A

I always do, type, text the stupidest things when I drink. its awful

Dee74

Hi again Iam2antsy

I think sometimes when I was drunk I revealed things I otherwise mightn't...but it was so wrapped up in despair and self pity that I'm not sure I was ever really truthful and honest?

I embellished a lot, sometimes outright lied...and that's not counting the paranoid or nasty things I said at times.

I think it's far better to ask for help in those times when we're sober and we have a clear mind and we know that what we're saying is really a true reflection of our situation.

Putting on a brace face really only hurts us in the long run, I think.

D

silentrun

I remember that very clearly. It is the alcohol screwing with you.

Groovitational

hey i've been there before with the alcohol and anxiety of regret. You end up with a uneasy stomach thinking of all the stuff you said that you can't take back and cant turn off the thoughts so the anxiety worsens until you find yourself purging. It sucks but what got me through it was taking a deep breath, a look in the mirror, and saying to myself "this hurts, I feel like I can't take it but let me try to get through this. things will be okay if I can tackle this problem and breathe."

try to see past it, a week, a month. Believe it or not there is a YOU on the other side of this,in the future who will not be burdened by that feeling so strongly depending on if you can put the bottle down. You can get there

Amy A

love this reply!

Berrybean

Yep. The disparity between my inside and outsides gave me so much pain. It a typical high-functioning drunk problem. My recovery has been a lot about breaking that outside persona down, working in who i am inside so i like that person, and just showing who I really am. If people don't like that, then nowadays I can live with that. Not necessarily like it, but accept it.