Happy without Alcohol? Are you Crazy?
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 123
Happy without Alcohol? Are you Crazy?
Happy without Alcohol? Are you Crazy?
As I continue in my own recovery, I have made a disturbing observation.
Most recovering alcoholics are miserable. People who have managed to abstain from drinking are not happy and are still living a life filled with negative emotions.
I was that person! Despite all of the compelling reasons why I should have been one of the most happy and grateful people on the face of this earth! I had a roof over my head; I had money in the bank, food in the cupboards, and people who cared about me. But I was not happy!
I searched for years to find answers and I’ve finally found a few. Yes, there are more; many more. I’m compelled to share my journey; how I managed to find the peace, joy, and happiness that I deserve. Yes, I deserve peace, joy, and happiness. So do you.
You deserve to be happy! Living a life of both passion and purpose!
I don’t think you can be passionate and purposeful while drinking because a drunk is a selfish person. With alcohol out of your system, your mind and body are able to accept new directions. Sobriety gives you a chance to find your purpose and your passion. You have to find it, it doesn’t magically happen!
Not drinking without personal growth just makes you a dry drunk. And a dry drunk is very unhappy! A dry drunk is a selfish person being denied the one thing they want (alcohol) who managed to make it through a day without drinking.
Look back at that. There are no ‘happy’ words or positive thoughts. It’s all negative: deny, stop, manage, and give up.
Becoming sober is only the first step towards a happy, purposeful life. You must change your thinking from ‘negative’ thoughts to ’positive’ thoughts.
From “I can’t,” to “I will.” From “I’m dying for a drink” to “Drink? I don’t want to drink!”
And it’s pretty simple. I tried to make it hard, but it’s really easy! The hard part is figuring it all out!
As I continue in my own recovery, I have made a disturbing observation.
Most recovering alcoholics are miserable. People who have managed to abstain from drinking are not happy and are still living a life filled with negative emotions.
I was that person! Despite all of the compelling reasons why I should have been one of the most happy and grateful people on the face of this earth! I had a roof over my head; I had money in the bank, food in the cupboards, and people who cared about me. But I was not happy!
I searched for years to find answers and I’ve finally found a few. Yes, there are more; many more. I’m compelled to share my journey; how I managed to find the peace, joy, and happiness that I deserve. Yes, I deserve peace, joy, and happiness. So do you.
You deserve to be happy! Living a life of both passion and purpose!
I don’t think you can be passionate and purposeful while drinking because a drunk is a selfish person. With alcohol out of your system, your mind and body are able to accept new directions. Sobriety gives you a chance to find your purpose and your passion. You have to find it, it doesn’t magically happen!
Not drinking without personal growth just makes you a dry drunk. And a dry drunk is very unhappy! A dry drunk is a selfish person being denied the one thing they want (alcohol) who managed to make it through a day without drinking.
Look back at that. There are no ‘happy’ words or positive thoughts. It’s all negative: deny, stop, manage, and give up.
Becoming sober is only the first step towards a happy, purposeful life. You must change your thinking from ‘negative’ thoughts to ’positive’ thoughts.
From “I can’t,” to “I will.” From “I’m dying for a drink” to “Drink? I don’t want to drink!”
And it’s pretty simple. I tried to make it hard, but it’s really easy! The hard part is figuring it all out!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
rowd44,
It made me very sad to read your post. Yes, most of us have met "recovered" alcoholics who are very unhappy people, many of them having quit drinking "by force" -- either court ordered, or someone or something else caused them to quit drinking.
I believe there is a "silent majority" of happy ex-drinkers both here and out in the world -- silent because we belong to no group, and feel no need to announce our status to the world. Except maybe here on SR.
I am referring to RR, AVRT, and other Secular Recovery folk, who found the path because we sought it, and we own it.
Maybe find a different group? There really are LOTS of happy nondrinkers out here.
It made me very sad to read your post. Yes, most of us have met "recovered" alcoholics who are very unhappy people, many of them having quit drinking "by force" -- either court ordered, or someone or something else caused them to quit drinking.
I believe there is a "silent majority" of happy ex-drinkers both here and out in the world -- silent because we belong to no group, and feel no need to announce our status to the world. Except maybe here on SR.
I am referring to RR, AVRT, and other Secular Recovery folk, who found the path because we sought it, and we own it.
Maybe find a different group? There really are LOTS of happy nondrinkers out here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Happy without Alcohol? Are you Crazy?
I can be both- happy and crazy- without alcohol!
major improvement over miserable and insane with alcohol.
"Most recovering alcoholics are miserable. People who have managed to abstain from drinking are not happy and are still living a life filled with negative emotions."
I have met many,many,many people in recovery. i found this statement to be false, but it could be where i live? maybe in another state most alcoholics are miserable?
idk, maybe others from other states could help me here.
"
I can be both- happy and crazy- without alcohol!
major improvement over miserable and insane with alcohol.
"Most recovering alcoholics are miserable. People who have managed to abstain from drinking are not happy and are still living a life filled with negative emotions."
I have met many,many,many people in recovery. i found this statement to be false, but it could be where i live? maybe in another state most alcoholics are miserable?
idk, maybe others from other states could help me here.
"
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Maybe five years ago, there weren't any happy sober people? That was when my wife got a DUI, quit drinking, and went to rehab. She went to meetings as court-ordered, and even got a sponsor whom she hated. She was drinking again within months.
We're finding lots of happy sober people in the last year and a half. They post here at SoberRecovery, attend meetings, or just live normal lives. And a funny thing is that we also notice the unhappy alcoholics now--people with the shakes, anxiety, secrecy, etc.
We're finding lots of happy sober people in the last year and a half. They post here at SoberRecovery, attend meetings, or just live normal lives. And a funny thing is that we also notice the unhappy alcoholics now--people with the shakes, anxiety, secrecy, etc.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I think I understand the main concept you are trying to get across Rowd...that sobriety is much more than just "not drinking" - and I wholeheartedly agree. Labeling others as "dry drunks" or making broad assumptions about the happiness of other alcoholics is not helpful to anyone though.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I have no idea where you got the idea that recovering people arent happy.
Go sit on a bar stool and listen to the miserable people complaining about everything.
I see TONS of happy recovering people in the meetings I attend.
And I am much happier, kinder, content and more patient than I used to be.
Go sit on a bar stool and listen to the miserable people complaining about everything.
I see TONS of happy recovering people in the meetings I attend.
And I am much happier, kinder, content and more patient than I used to be.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 314
My mom always said happiness is an inside job. Sure there a lot of people in this world who are miserable, and some of them happen to be alcoholics (sober and active). Just like you've got to be willing to work to get sober, you've got to be willing to work for well-being. And if there are legitimate mental health issues like depression or anxiety causing people to feel miserable, they should look for help on that too. Life is challenging, and life is beautiful.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Yeah I'm with Scott, I think I get what you're trying to say, something I say all the time.
Recovery is not simply about not drinking alcohol, it's about carving out a new Sober lifestyle, if you do the former it can be a bit of a chore trying to fill the time, whereas being proactive in a new lifestyle is where the real happiness comes from!!
Recovery is not simply about not drinking alcohol, it's about carving out a new Sober lifestyle, if you do the former it can be a bit of a chore trying to fill the time, whereas being proactive in a new lifestyle is where the real happiness comes from!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
I see it all the time too rowd, people quit drinking, but never truly 'recover'
And to me, that's the difference, recovery is not the same thing as abstinence. Now that I'm in recovery through AA I see and have met tons of truly happy and serene people who no longer drink and I am one of them : ))
And to me, that's the difference, recovery is not the same thing as abstinence. Now that I'm in recovery through AA I see and have met tons of truly happy and serene people who no longer drink and I am one of them : ))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
i sat around for a good long time seeing people with far crummier circumstances then mine considerably more happy then i ever was. From many peoples eyes I had the world by the balls and I was still miserable. I was the guy who complained about the color of my shoes to the guy who had no legs etc..
I could not figure out for the life of me why i was so stinken miserable. I mean I had IONS of problems Legit ones and once worth complaining about. But despite that i still had it waaaaaaaay better then the next guy more often then not but i was still miserable.
I'm figureing it out tho. In time i'm getting better gratitude goes a long way. Being thankful for what you DO have instead of focusing on what you dont all the time goes a long way. accepting the fact that you will always have problems life will never be perfect and be happy with what you do have helps.
its tough I have to knock down those negative thoughts and rebuild them with more positive ones and I dont think i'm a very positive person by nature I'm more realistic then anything tho i get told I'm a real negative soul.
But I keep working at it and i keep reading various books etc.. I keep making positive choics and things keep getting better. Sooner or later I'll get it.
I could not figure out for the life of me why i was so stinken miserable. I mean I had IONS of problems Legit ones and once worth complaining about. But despite that i still had it waaaaaaaay better then the next guy more often then not but i was still miserable.
I'm figureing it out tho. In time i'm getting better gratitude goes a long way. Being thankful for what you DO have instead of focusing on what you dont all the time goes a long way. accepting the fact that you will always have problems life will never be perfect and be happy with what you do have helps.
its tough I have to knock down those negative thoughts and rebuild them with more positive ones and I dont think i'm a very positive person by nature I'm more realistic then anything tho i get told I'm a real negative soul.
But I keep working at it and i keep reading various books etc.. I keep making positive choics and things keep getting better. Sooner or later I'll get it.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Becoming sober is only the first step towards a happy, purposeful life. You must change your thinking from ‘negative’ thoughts to ’positive’ thoughts. From “I can’t,” to “I will.” From “I’m dying for a drink” to “Drink? I don’t want to drink!”
"Sought after virtue is not true virtue"
(laozi)
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
Originally Posted by rowd44 
Most recovering alcoholics are miserable.
You deserve to be happy! Living a life of both passion and purpose!
I don’t think you can be passionate and purposeful while drinking because a drunk is a selfish person. With alcohol out of your system, your mind and body are able to accept new directions. Sobriety gives you a chance to find your purpose and your passion. You have to find it, it doesn’t magically happen!
You deserve to be happy! Living a life of both passion and purpose!
I don’t think you can be passionate and purposeful while drinking because a drunk is a selfish person. With alcohol out of your system, your mind and body are able to accept new directions. Sobriety gives you a chance to find your purpose and your passion. You have to find it, it doesn’t magically happen!
i do agree with the rest i've quoted above - but - you are correct in that you have to find it, to work for it, to seek it, to cultivate it... finding your passion and your purpose takes personal work. imho doing self analysis, having self awareness, practicing self reflection has been the work of my recovery. i paid attention to fellows in the program (am not strict aa), i read self help that tickles my fancy, i do yoga to quiet my mind, i build authentic relationships everywhere i go, i take classes on healing, i have met and embrace my own spirituality. and i'm a joyous person and i'm a recovering alcoholic.
i've been all over the map when it comes to my recovery because it is my life and it is my heart which is leading me. many have come along the way and i take what i like and definitely leave the rest. how do i know what i need? because it feels right to me. i've kinda spouted some of the things i do just to point out that finding what works for you doesn't have to mean following someone else's experience to the letter. early on take advise from those who have gone before you. saw this the other day "learn from other people's mistakes. you don't have time to make them all yourself."
it appears you've put down the drink, are having sober thoughts on your new life, and where do you go from here? (don't know your back story) in my opinion you look within and do whatever needs doing to heal... this last part of yours tells me you are probably on the right track:
"Becoming sober is only the first step towards a happy, purposeful life. You must change your thinking from ‘negative’ thoughts to ’positive’ thoughts.
From “I can’t,” to “I will.”
a thought i had about your first sentence: healthy attracts healthy... wishing you well on your journey!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I have gone through many emotions while sober. Angry, happy, sad, joy, grateful, ungrateful, condemned, love, elated, depressed, etc etc.
It is not all roses, butterflies and rainbows. I can be a positive person most of the time but that does not mean I won't feel anything. I am human after all.
It is what you do with those emotions. How you cope, how you react and how you let it affect your life.
Life happens and I have no say in the matter. Sobriety, to me, is dealing with life on life's terms and remaining sober while I live it.
It is not all roses, butterflies and rainbows. I can be a positive person most of the time but that does not mean I won't feel anything. I am human after all.
It is what you do with those emotions. How you cope, how you react and how you let it affect your life.
Life happens and I have no say in the matter. Sobriety, to me, is dealing with life on life's terms and remaining sober while I live it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Most recovering alcoholics are miserable. People who have managed to abstain from drinking are not happy and are still living a life filled with negative emotions.
I've met thousands of recovered people on these boards - the vast majority of those are happy, wonderfully well adjusted people
I'm glad you're happy too... but there's really no need to denigrate others.
That won't make you any happier....there's enough happy to go around
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Western Washington
Posts: 202
I was just reflecting on this today--that was definitely what I was afraid of when I was drinking, that if I got sober I would never really feel happy, I'd always be jealous of drinkers and resentful.
I'm about 80 days sober and I'm truly amazed how happy I am. Much happier and more at peace than when I was drinking. I am not sure I ever believed this would happen.
I also started anti-depressants (Lexapro) when I quit, so that probably helps also.
I'm about 80 days sober and I'm truly amazed how happy I am. Much happier and more at peace than when I was drinking. I am not sure I ever believed this would happen.
I also started anti-depressants (Lexapro) when I quit, so that probably helps also.
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