How easy do you find it to share?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: London Uk
Posts: 65
How easy do you find it to share?
I have always found this nearly impossible. In the past I would be under enormous pressure to share from my 1st sponsor, and I would break out into a sweat and my heart would start racing.
I think I was worried people would think what I said was rubbish, or I wasn't a bad enough alcoholic.
If I did share it would be under 2 minutes and the words would come out so fast that I am not even sure people understood what I said!
Now at nearly a year sober (again), I shared last night, and whilst I was still a little uncomfortable, I managed it. I also shared about something personal to me which is a leap forward than just offering an opinion or words of thanks to the chair. I shared about the isolation that being an alcoholic brings, and that when I did a step 1 with a therapist, I was asked how my drinking effected my friends. I said that I didn't have any friends, and thought that was really shockingly sad, but apparently it is very normal!
Finally feeling more confident about getting to that 1 year chip next week, and the sun here in the UK is shining.
So, who else finds it hard to open their mouths, or do the words just tumble out easily for you?
I think I was worried people would think what I said was rubbish, or I wasn't a bad enough alcoholic.
If I did share it would be under 2 minutes and the words would come out so fast that I am not even sure people understood what I said!
Now at nearly a year sober (again), I shared last night, and whilst I was still a little uncomfortable, I managed it. I also shared about something personal to me which is a leap forward than just offering an opinion or words of thanks to the chair. I shared about the isolation that being an alcoholic brings, and that when I did a step 1 with a therapist, I was asked how my drinking effected my friends. I said that I didn't have any friends, and thought that was really shockingly sad, but apparently it is very normal!
Finally feeling more confident about getting to that 1 year chip next week, and the sun here in the UK is shining.
So, who else finds it hard to open their mouths, or do the words just tumble out easily for you?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I have major trust issues. It was hard for me to open up to my sponsor. We broke through that by her telling me some things that I knew she was telling me in confidence. Her allowing me to hold her trust gave me enough confidence to let her hold mine.
I do share in meetings but not the real meat and potatoes, I save that for my sponsor or close friends. I heard “take the mess to your sponsor and the message to the meetings” and that is how I handle it.
I didn’t have any friends either. I drank or drove them all away in my belief that if everyone would just leave me alone that I would be okay. Well I got that and I was not okay. I isolated for a couple years and it was one of the key factors that drove me over the edge of my alcoholism and made me finally surrender.
I can still isolate and I there are sometimes I have to force myself out to meetings. I do like routine though so that helps but it does not take me more than once to break it and justify why I can stay home one night that turns into two nights and to three nights. It is something I have to work at almost daily.
Congratulations on a year! That is wonderful
I do share in meetings but not the real meat and potatoes, I save that for my sponsor or close friends. I heard “take the mess to your sponsor and the message to the meetings” and that is how I handle it.
I didn’t have any friends either. I drank or drove them all away in my belief that if everyone would just leave me alone that I would be okay. Well I got that and I was not okay. I isolated for a couple years and it was one of the key factors that drove me over the edge of my alcoholism and made me finally surrender.
I can still isolate and I there are sometimes I have to force myself out to meetings. I do like routine though so that helps but it does not take me more than once to break it and justify why I can stay home one night that turns into two nights and to three nights. It is something I have to work at almost daily.
Congratulations on a year! That is wonderful
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 780
Originally Posted by pixy 
I have always found this nearly impossible. In the past I would be under enormous pressure to share from my 1st sponsor, and I would break out into a sweat and my heart would start racing.
I think I was worried people would think what I said was rubbish, or I wasn't a bad enough alcoholic.
If I did share it would be under 2 minutes and the words would come out so fast that I am not even sure people understood what I said!
Now at nearly a year sober (again), I shared last night, and whilst I was still a little uncomfortable, I managed it. I also shared about something personal to me which is a leap forward than just offering an opinion or words of thanks to the chair. I shared about the isolation that being an alcoholic brings, and that when I did a step 1 with a therapist, I was asked how my drinking effected my friends. I said that I didn't have any friends, and thought that was really shockingly sad, but apparently it is very normal!
Finally feeling more confident about getting to that 1 year chip next week, and the sun here in the UK is shining.
So, who else finds it hard to open their mouths, or do the words just tumble out easily for you?
I think I was worried people would think what I said was rubbish, or I wasn't a bad enough alcoholic.
If I did share it would be under 2 minutes and the words would come out so fast that I am not even sure people understood what I said!
Now at nearly a year sober (again), I shared last night, and whilst I was still a little uncomfortable, I managed it. I also shared about something personal to me which is a leap forward than just offering an opinion or words of thanks to the chair. I shared about the isolation that being an alcoholic brings, and that when I did a step 1 with a therapist, I was asked how my drinking effected my friends. I said that I didn't have any friends, and thought that was really shockingly sad, but apparently it is very normal!
Finally feeling more confident about getting to that 1 year chip next week, and the sun here in the UK is shining.
So, who else finds it hard to open their mouths, or do the words just tumble out easily for you?
I loved your post, I hate sharing! Well done for sharing last night - it takes B*lls.
I love sitting back and listening to the top table but as soon as that time is up, panic rises. I know eventually it'll get round to me and I'll say something cr*p! But you know what, I know for me to get well I have to share so I've figured now....through my bright red face, whatever cr*p comes out my mouth is my cra*p so I'll say it. We're not professional alcoholics we're people, verbalising feelings is hard for me but I know the more often I do it the better I'll feel.
Well done on your year too! Go you!
One day at a time.
L x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 39
I shared quite a bit my first few meetings, then remembered advice I'd gotten from the guy who led my first meeting while I was still in rehab. His sponsor had told him years ago, "You've got two ears and one mouth, so especially when you're early in your sobriety, you should be listening twice as much as you're speaking." 
At my home group last night, we focused on Step 4, and I'm at the point where I'm about to start working that one, so I clammed up and just listened. Talked with my sponsor afterward, and he gave me a little reading/research to do, but said that he felt I was ready to start writing out my inventory in whatever manner I choose to go about doing it (he did recommend looking up the Joe & Charlie worksheets though).
At my home group last night, we focused on Step 4, and I'm at the point where I'm about to start working that one, so I clammed up and just listened. Talked with my sponsor afterward, and he gave me a little reading/research to do, but said that he felt I was ready to start writing out my inventory in whatever manner I choose to go about doing it (he did recommend looking up the Joe & Charlie worksheets though).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by pixy
I have always found this nearly impossible. In the past I would be under enormous pressure to share from my 1st sponsor, and I would break out into a sweat and my heart would start racing.
I think I was worried people would think what I said was rubbish, or I wasn't a bad enough alcoholic.
If I did share it would be under 2 minutes and the words would come out so fast that I am not even sure people understood what I said!
Now at nearly a year sober (again), I shared last night, and whilst I was still a little uncomfortable, I managed it. I also shared about something personal to me which is a leap forward than just offering an opinion or words of thanks to the chair. I shared about the isolation that being an alcoholic brings, and that when I did a step 1 with a therapist, I was asked how my drinking effected my friends. I said that I didn't have any friends, and thought that was really shockingly sad, but apparently it is very normal!
Finally feeling more confident about getting to that 1 year chip next week, and the sun here in the UK is shining.
So, who else finds it hard to open their mouths, or do the words just tumble out easily for you?
I think I was worried people would think what I said was rubbish, or I wasn't a bad enough alcoholic.
If I did share it would be under 2 minutes and the words would come out so fast that I am not even sure people understood what I said!
Now at nearly a year sober (again), I shared last night, and whilst I was still a little uncomfortable, I managed it. I also shared about something personal to me which is a leap forward than just offering an opinion or words of thanks to the chair. I shared about the isolation that being an alcoholic brings, and that when I did a step 1 with a therapist, I was asked how my drinking effected my friends. I said that I didn't have any friends, and thought that was really shockingly sad, but apparently it is very normal!
Finally feeling more confident about getting to that 1 year chip next week, and the sun here in the UK is shining.
So, who else finds it hard to open their mouths, or do the words just tumble out easily for you?
In fact I stopped going to a particular meeting b/c the chair started calling on random people and I didn't like the idea of "passing" each week. It was like Russian roulette. You knew sooner or later yyour turn was up.. I felt cowardly, but I also felt like I shouldn't be put on the spot at a place where people go for comfort. I was paranoid of course, but I kind of felt like people were "like why does this person always pass.. what is their deal?" I just felt very uncomfortable, and I found it intrusive... In fact I left meetings early b/4 they could call on me it got to me that bad...
I feel much more comfortable with my addiction therapist, airing my dirty laundry than speaking in a room of people I don't know that well.. But that is just me. The good thing is that AA is there as an option for those who like to talk
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 370
I can talk to people fairly easily, but my ability to share feelings, not so much. When I first started going to meetings I promised myself I would try to say something at each one. I have for the most part stood up to that, It does get easier the more you do it
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
I am used to speaking to large groups and I used to get nervous but overcame the nerves. In my working life (I recently retired) I would sometimes have to talk to large groups of staff - 50 or more, or most terrifyingly groups of school head teachers (a scary bunch!). However I had something to deliver and a clear message to impart usually.
At AA however I have to try to speak honestly and from the heart and about my inner self and sometimes I struggle. I sometimes have to stop myself from saying things I think will sound 'right' or what I think people might want to hear from me. It is hard work, but it seems to be very worthwhile making the effort!
At AA however I have to try to speak honestly and from the heart and about my inner self and sometimes I struggle. I sometimes have to stop myself from saying things I think will sound 'right' or what I think people might want to hear from me. It is hard work, but it seems to be very worthwhile making the effort!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Depends on my motives.
If I want to have a good moan about how life doesn't suit me, people doing me wrong, or just about how miserable I'm feeling, I don't find it easy to share and, if I do, it doesn't seem to make me feel any better. In fact the opposite seems to be the case. I find a problem shared (when looking for sympathy (self seeking) and not a solution) is a problem doubled. For some reason, I stopped doing this years ago, it doesn't occur to me anymore.
On the otherhand, if I say a little prayer and ask God to direct my share in a way that will be helpful to someone else, I find it much easier and end up feeling better myself through trying to make a positive contribution.
When I am having a rough time I talk to someone after the meeting. It doesn't make sense to me to rely on a meeting to solve all my little life problems. For one thing, I might not get the opportunity to share. In a large meeting, only a minority get to share, so the majority would have to continue on without their unique little issues resolved.
It works much better for me to talk one to one with someone after the meeting or by phone. I can get help and solutions almost anytime that way.
If I want to have a good moan about how life doesn't suit me, people doing me wrong, or just about how miserable I'm feeling, I don't find it easy to share and, if I do, it doesn't seem to make me feel any better. In fact the opposite seems to be the case. I find a problem shared (when looking for sympathy (self seeking) and not a solution) is a problem doubled. For some reason, I stopped doing this years ago, it doesn't occur to me anymore.
On the otherhand, if I say a little prayer and ask God to direct my share in a way that will be helpful to someone else, I find it much easier and end up feeling better myself through trying to make a positive contribution.
When I am having a rough time I talk to someone after the meeting. It doesn't make sense to me to rely on a meeting to solve all my little life problems. For one thing, I might not get the opportunity to share. In a large meeting, only a minority get to share, so the majority would have to continue on without their unique little issues resolved.
It works much better for me to talk one to one with someone after the meeting or by phone. I can get help and solutions almost anytime that way.
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