HopePeace

I need help and others' input. I decided on Sunday that I would stop drinking. I have said it before but never followed through. What I am trying to figure out is what exactly my problem is and if being sober is the answer. I am not physically addicted, I don't have any withdrawl and I don't drink every day. I am able to have one or two glasses of wine with dinner and go home. My problems begin when I keep drinking. I have have always had terrible anxiety and attempt to drink that, and any other bad emotions away, and nothing good ever comes from that. I have been told for years that I cannot control myself when I'm drunk. That I become a "different person" or that I am an angry drunk. It has caused problems in past relationships and just ruined my most recent one on Saturday. I am constantly appologizing for the way I act and the things I've said/done when drunk, feeling terrible, anxious and alone the next day. Sometimes only remembering bits and pieces and honestly glad I don't remember it all. I want to stop drinking because I do not like the person I become when I do. But why then can I have a few and be fine sometimes? I think it sounds so nice to be sober and never have to worry about these things, wake up feeling terrible or ruin a relationship again. But then I think of how hard it will be in certain situations. Any input would be very much appreciated. Thanks guys.

TieTheKnot

I am actually in the almost same exact boat as you are. Wish I could help, but I have no answers myself.

Taking5

Have either of you consulted a Dr. about this? That is where I would start.

If you are already on antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds, alcohol pretty much renders them useless. Again, share completely and honestly with your Dr. about your drinking habits and see what their recommendation is.

HopePeace

I plan on talking to a doctor or therapist/counselor about this but have not yet gotten that far. I am not on anti-anxiety medication at this time. I have been before but stopped for other reasons. I just know that alcohol has caused far too many problems for me at this point and I just don't want to be that person anymore. Thank you for your response!

doggonecarl

Sounds like you want to drink without the consequences of losing control. If you could be that kind of drinker, you probably would be already. Try six months sober, see how you handle those situations that worry you.

ScottFromWI

Welcome hope. I can say with absolute certainty that you ( anyone ) can live a sober, fun, productive life without alcohol. There are entire cultures that exist without alcohol.

The thought that life will be hard or not fun without drinking is frankly just BS that your addiction feeds you to keep you drinking. It does of course take some initial time and work, and you might not hang out in bars anymore, but there are a lot of people who don't...in fact the majority does not.

Give it a shot...what's the worst thing that will happen? You already said you feel better sober so give it a try.

Dee74

Hi again HopePeace

I can see that already you're backing away a little from what you said yesterday

I didn't share that again to embarrass you, merely to suggest that maybe you're rationalising a little today.

I didn't get drunk everytime I drank either, but those times got fewer and fewer as the years went on,and the catastrophes happened more and more.

My answer to you is the same as it was yesterday

If you stop drinking, you'll fix the blackouts. I'd be very surprised if you didn't fix the other issues too - the anger and violence.

If you're not an alcoholic you'll have no trouble stopping drinking.

If you do have trouble staying stopped...maybe there's a problem after all?

D

Gottalife

I am an alcoholic. I could control my drinking sometimes, but I could not guarantee I could do that every time.

Jupiters

Hi HopePeace
I can relate to the struggle you are having right now...questioning whether or not this is a problem. It took me years (after being sober for 1.5yrs) of riding the roller coaster of "moderating/controlling" and then flat out losing all control on benders that lasted anywhere from 2 to 4 days. I have lost jobs, my license, relationships, friendships...you name it, I have lost it. And every single time one of those things happened, alcohol was involved. every.single.one.
the blackouts started getting worse the last year, I literally would have to have my BF fill me in on what I did/said. scary no?
But hey! I don't drink everyday, I can go weeks/months without it so I don't have a problem!!! I can moderate sometimes, so hey! I don't have a problem.

the day I finally realized (and unfortunately it took a 2nd DUI and almost losing EVERYTHING again, like everything) that I CANNOT drink...it was like a frikken weight being lifted.
there's a 50/50 shot that if I picked up a drink, I could control it. OR, I could end up dead or in jail (already going there)
not worth the risk.

I hope you find yourself able to maybe sit down and really be brutally honest with yourself. You're here b/c you have concerns.
and you're in the right place

zjw

i had to quit asking myself why this happens or that happens when i get drunk and just focus on staying sober. 1 day at a time. after I was sober for a little bit i started to figure out why a lot of things. Some things had no rational answer too i did a lot of irrational things while drunk and had to accept the fact that some things dont make any sense and it is what it is.

The old why cant I just have a few? I really dont know other then because i'm an alcoholic. I dont like that answer I want some long drawn out scientific explanation and i've read some of those and still dont like those answers either. I think in the end deep down I feel as tho its not fair that I cant have a few and that I should be able to after all other people can why cant I? why do I have this problem? Thats when acceptance comes into play.

Just like some people can eat all the cake they want and never get fat but other people get obese and have to try and avoid cake etc.. Its the same with drinking some of us are predisposed to problematic drinking IE alcoholism others are not. But for us our systems just dont agree with booze.

I dont like the answer I"d love to run around care free shoveling in all the garbage food i can drinking like a fish and smoken 2 packs day. I'd prefer too do that. But none of that agrees with my system so i cant and thats that.

desypete

the problem i had with giving up drink is how on earth can anyone live a life without drink ? what on earth do the idiots in this world do with there lives who dont drink ?

life without drinking seemed so empty and boring compared with getting the buzz from the booze that was just the best feeling in the world,
i could do all sorts of things when i had booze inside of me i felt on a different planet

everything about drinking was great for me the only problem i had with drinking was i ended up getting smashed out of my brains and getting into to trouble
i would wake up feeling ashamed of myself full of guilt and i would swear i wouldnt do it again
or i would try and cut out drinking shorts or only drinking later on instead of early on you name it i tried it to try to make sure i didnt get smashed out of my brains and cause more trouble
it didnt work
what did happen was over time many years my drinking got worse until i was drinking everyday of my life just to function

how the hell did i end up in this mess with going to prison, losing my family, losing my job, ending up with no money left at all and i was lucky i had a flat to sleep in but that was going to go as well so i would of ended up homeless

all because i loved what drink did to me and i needed it to live

now i am a boring person who doesnt drink yet i have found i am not boring at all i have fun in my life and do things i now enjoy with a passion in my heart
i have a new way of life and a new found freedom from my old ways and i am not just talking about being free of drinking here

i found it all in aa and i was honestly seeking help so it worked for me
all i can hope for anyone these days is they dont go as far down as i had to go before they do something about there problem

if booze is costing you more than money then there is a problem

HopePeace

Thank you all SO much for your responses. I woke up with horrible anxiety, sick to my stomach, unable to relax and get back to sleep. After reading your input I had peace of mind once again that I am not alone. It's day 3. Going to keep it up Thanks again

Music

When I first started drinking, the only problem I had was one drink was never enough. I always kept going. I didn't drink that often; mainly on weekends and long holidays. As time past, I began drinking more and the more I drank the more drinking caused problems; with family, friends, finances, but especially within me because I did crazy, anti-social things when I drank. I could never guarantee my actions after that first drink. The things I did, created the problems I experienced and also created the guilt, shame and remorse as a result. When I stopped drinking, the first thing I noticed was that the drinking related problems started to go away. Yeah, it takes time but the only problems I experience today are pretty much the same as anyone else who's living their life. There are no alcohol related problems. It doesn't matter what spin you put on your situation. If alcohol causes problems, alcohol is a problem and like someone else said, if you can't quit on your own, you need to make a commitment to get help from the medical field and possibly even AA. You do have a choice!

leviathan

i agree with all of these responses.

you may have heard that alcs have different bottoms. IF you have a problem, this could be your bottom! thats good news! that means you dont have to decide to quit when the damage is worse. IF you have a problem, the damage will be worse down the line, guaranteed.

i say "IF" because you need to decide for yourself. the general consensus is that if you think you might, you probably do.

grab a piece of paper. write down all the benefits alcohol gives you. try to include everything. then do the same for negative consequences. if you come to the conclusion i did, then quitting will be easier, knowing that you are not REALLY missing that much. if the benefits outweigh the side effects, then you can keep drinking with a clear consciousness.

sounds kind of simple, because it is. you are in pain. the best gift you can give yourself is honesty.

outcast

Keep coming here, it helps! when I leave SR I tend to relapse, that being said, I am an anxiety disorder counselor, and the worst thing for anxiety is alcohol, it band aides it, fixes it for the night but makes it 100x worse. Look into exposure therapy for your anxiety, or see a professional. I remember the days that I would only have a few drinks and not drink again for weeks, but when I started using it for self medication, that's when things got bad, and I am still having a rough time. It's not going to hurt to quit, but it may hurt not to quit.

HopePeace

Leviathan, this is what I needed to hear because it is exactly how I feel. I don't know if I could even handle something worse than what happened this passed weekend. I am stopping because that was enough for me not to realize it - because I have already - but to finally do something about it. I can't count the number of times I have woken up feeling awful for the night before and I just don't want to feel that way ever again.

IOAA2

Hi. When I realized my drinking was far from “normal” I went to AA and rejected most of what I heard because I was “different” and compared too much and the result was to continue to drink for several more years until I was coughing up blood in the morning and blaming all the cigarettes smoked the previous night, as if I could remember!
I went back to daily meetings and heard and believe that if we are alcoholics and continue to drink things, ME, WILL NEVER GET BETTER. Too often death results and it ain’t pretty.
Hard I know, but a fact. This is a disease that won’t let go and is in wait to cripple us in a heartbeat.

BE WELL