outcast

Why do I keep relapsing!? I hate it ! I do well and then fall hard. I hate myself for letting something have control of me. I hate lying to my family. sorry for ranting, I just need support.

Mek2

You came to right place. Come here and hangout the next time you get the urge. There is so much great support here!

outcast

thanks, I just feel so lost. i cant tell my wife out of fear she will leave me, or worse, relapse herself

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Outcast. Might I ask if you have any type of sobriety plan in place to keep you from drinking? Or are you simply "Not drinking"?

outcast

just not drinking, not working to good

zjw

I wish I understood it. I never relapsed. when i decided to give it a serious effort i was fortunate to not relapse. 30 days in almost did. and I think about it some. Just last night I laid in bed and thought about going to the beer store that feeling i used to get walking into the cooler and grabben a 30 pack of cold ones and payen for it and going home with hauling that heavy box like i was a man and had some man things to do later that evening with those beers. I was really idolizing all of this while i laid there in bed. To the point where I started thinking maybe I should just go through with it for old times sake ya know.

Then I thought about how i'd feel afterwards and posts like yours and posts like the one i'd put up too afterwards and thought *sigh* I dont want to go through that hell for just 1 night of fun. This is all just assuming it would only be 1 night of fun doubtful it would be.

My point is rather then relapse and focus on the one night of fun before you decide to drink think it through a hair further decide if you want the aftermath that goes along with it.

Of course that being said I know the alcholic in me says so who cares just get another case of beer to wash away the hell fromt he night before .

I used to say i'd smoke a turd if it had nicotine in it. I'd probably eat one too if it had booze in it.

There is no rational thought or decision making in what and why we decide to do these things. I quit trying to make rational sense out of irrational decisions that i made. There was no rational sense in drinking. I had to just stick to my guns and say I dont get it I dont know why but I"m not drinking. As time went on it started to make more sense. But again what sense does it really make?

outcast

i may have to tell my wife, it is to tough to do on my own

zjw

good for you for being honest. I've been thinking about sneaking it latly i dunno why i never had to sneak it. but for some reason thats like my AV new obsession to be all deviant and sneak a drink. But then i think I dunno if i could deal with that guilt! its this fantasy that plays in my head tho of it being some great thing *sigh*.

ScottFromWI

It's not only tough on our own, it's sometimes impossible. I'd highly recommend being honest with your wife about it, it was a great relief for me to do the same.

Don't be afraid to try things like AA/NA or read up on things like AVRT/Smart Recovery, etc. Every single one of them is full of people exactly like you who just want to get better. Same thing with SR, don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help, we've all been there before.

doggonecarl

That's the answer to the question you started this thread with, "Why do I keep relapsing?"

Knowing that your way isn't working, what are you willing to do to stay sober?

Sudz No More

Sometimes we need someone to feel accountable to. For me it was more than loved ones or family members though. For the first 3 years I had my wife and mother rooting for me but I never could get determined to stay sober long enough to break the habit. I finally went to a Psychologist and it was the feeling of not wanting to let down a professional that finally gave me the push I needed. After about 8 months I found that I didn't need his support anymore and 2 months later I stopped going. I have been able to self monitor myself since but it really did help in the beginning having that accountability hanging over my head.

Dee74

Hi and welcome back outcast

Maybe it's time to try something different that just 'non drinking'?

Do you have any ideas?
D

outcast

Day 2, I told my wife and she was very supportive. I have a few ideas D, one is going to AA, another is talking to my family Physician. Telling my wife was a good thing, now I don't feel like I could sneak it, she is 6 months sober and I am so proud of her. I always get paranoid about withdrawals although never had the shakes or hear things, I am a bit cloudy today, but did not sleep due to being a Volunteer firefighter and having a call late last night (at least I was sober). Thank you everyone for your support.

Easilypleased

I think the guilt would eat me alive. I know what you mean though zjw, our brains have an incredible knack of remembering the good times! Darn brain!

Coldfusion

My wife and I quit drinking a year and a half ago, and we got a lot of support by going to ninety AA meetings in ninety days. Initially, it wasn't a popular idea with either of us, but we supported each other and are glad we did the meetings.

Live2Run25

Good for you for telling your wife. Sometimes we need someone else to help keep us accountable. When I stopped drinking, I told everyone. The more people that knew, the more people I would potentially let down if I ever relapsed.. Its' been 2 years.. no relapse! Hang in there! You can do this!!