Social Life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Social Life
I'm young, twenty three, and one of my biggest fears is my social life going when I don't drink. I think the naked truth is that its a necessary sacrifice. Maybe people WILL think less of me, and from the days/ weeks I've spent sober, I've noticed people don't like the sober guy at the party. You have to work doubly hard against the preconception that you are somehow stifled. And as a guy who has always used alcohol to ease tension, social and otherwise, this make it even worse.
But so what, I guess. I guess sometimes you need to pick the harder option so that you can reach your larger goals in life.
I just, needed to say something about it.
As to where I am with my battle with alcohol, its tough to say. I'm still stuck in cycles of quitting and relapsing. I don't really want to make any promises. Today I was sober because I had to be, my body was reeling so badly from the poison. The two days previous? Dead sober, felt great, was hell bent on a detox weekend.
So I can't really trust myself, and deep down the fear about a social life keeps me coming back and I haven't hit that walll of resolve yet. I still think I can control my drinking. Maybe I can, maybe I can't, my current approach certainly isn't working however.
But so what, I guess. I guess sometimes you need to pick the harder option so that you can reach your larger goals in life.
I just, needed to say something about it.
As to where I am with my battle with alcohol, its tough to say. I'm still stuck in cycles of quitting and relapsing. I don't really want to make any promises. Today I was sober because I had to be, my body was reeling so badly from the poison. The two days previous? Dead sober, felt great, was hell bent on a detox weekend.
So I can't really trust myself, and deep down the fear about a social life keeps me coming back and I haven't hit that walll of resolve yet. I still think I can control my drinking. Maybe I can, maybe I can't, my current approach certainly isn't working however.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Most people have a great social life without drinking. It's really just addiction trying to convince you that you need to drink to have fun, which is patently false. Recovery groups are a great place to learn about what you can find in your local area, and really all you have to do is open your door or pick up a newspaper to find out what's going on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. many won't admit to being undisiplined and emotionally undeveloped due to drinking along with other toxic results of "having fun." Booze is not a health drink to be consumed like we made a habit of.
A large problem I had when trying to stop was glamorizing the times drinking as to the reality of the results.
BE WELL
A large problem I had when trying to stop was glamorizing the times drinking as to the reality of the results.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Honestly I get that there are other ways to socialize and in-fact have a few friends that are non drinkers. I guess I was kinda hoping to hear from people who did have a hard time and found a way to overcome it. I know itll be difficult for me to socialize without booze, and I don't think I have to hide myself from that fact, rather accept it and overcome.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 69
It is difficult to begin with but it gets easier, there will be certain occasions that you won't/shouldn't go to but there will be plenty of things that you WILL do that you wouldn't have done previously when drinking, usually because you'd have been too hungover or drunk. I have just been away on vacation and had a great time, I'd never have thought it possible a few years ago. The last vacation I went on when I was drinking I hardly remember I was that drunk, I know which one I preferred!! Be strong.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by kinzoku 
I guess I was kinda hoping to hear from people who did have a hard time and found a way to overcome it. I know itll be difficult for me to socialize without booze
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 219
I had a hard time drinking and socializing, as well as being sober and socializing. Even just buzzed I'd blurt out stuff I shouldnt or just decide I didnt feel like socializing afterall and zone out. I'm getting ready to socialize sober right now with six other people I dont know very well. To warm up it helps to find the easiest person to talk to, usually someone who shows a positive reaction to me, and I start off by asking questions so I'm not the one carrying the conversation. Bring up stuff you're genuinely interested in and you may find you can't STOP talking. It really helps to listen to others so that a natural interest will start, not dwelling too much on your end of things.
Last edited by lovesymphony; 06-07-2014 at 03:39 PM. Reason: To make more clear
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
You say you drink to be social? I don't know what kind of drinker you are, but by the time most of us have come to the decision to quit, there was nothing "social" about it.
I had a lot of things I didn't think I could do sober. They were only excuses to keep drinking.
I had a lot of things I didn't think I could do sober. They were only excuses to keep drinking.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I was going to copy and paste a quote from JFK, but it just loses everything without hearing it from JFK himself, and the inspired and inspiring speech in which it's embedded.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouRbkBAOGEw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouRbkBAOGEw
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
For anybody teetering on the edge like you kinzoku, I heartily recommend going to a few open speaker AA meetings. Open meetings are just that, open to everyone. You can socialize with folks there before and after, if you go early and stay late. You'll hear people during the meeting telling their stories. They'll let you know what you could be in for if you keep drinking. In most cases, especially the older folks, it ain't pretty. Consider yourself lucky you're beginning to see a problem as young as you are. It can get much, much worse.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
A lot of us notice something very interesting when we first quit drinking.
To us, it was a very big deal. You feel like everyone will notice you. What do you do with your hands if you aren't holding a drink? How do you stand there? What do you say? What do you do when somebody tries to buy you a drink? What do you say?
Then what really happens is nobody notices. Nobody cares. No one notices you don't drink unless you find the need to make great pronouncements about it. "No thanks" is all that's necessary. Or, "I'll just have a diet coke, thanks," or whatever else is available -- and there is ALWAYS something available for the non-drinkers.
Few people will even comment about your not drinking unless they have their own issues about their own drinking. If you have drinking buddies and you quit and they don't, some may feel threatened and won't like it that you aren't joining in. Those are the guys you can do without, at least in the beginning.
Being a non-drinker is far more common than you realize. I quit drinking a long time ago, and I'm in a profession where there's lots of celebrating going on -- champagne toasts, etc. I'm rarely the only one who doesn't partake. A few times I've had a glass put in my hand, and sometimes I'll raise the glass for the toast, then set the glass down. I've never had anyone notice that at all.
Eventually, being a non-drinker becomes a part of who you are and you won't even think about it. You can't expect that to happen instantly, but it can and will happen if you make the decision to remove alcohol from your life.
To us, it was a very big deal. You feel like everyone will notice you. What do you do with your hands if you aren't holding a drink? How do you stand there? What do you say? What do you do when somebody tries to buy you a drink? What do you say?
Then what really happens is nobody notices. Nobody cares. No one notices you don't drink unless you find the need to make great pronouncements about it. "No thanks" is all that's necessary. Or, "I'll just have a diet coke, thanks," or whatever else is available -- and there is ALWAYS something available for the non-drinkers.
Few people will even comment about your not drinking unless they have their own issues about their own drinking. If you have drinking buddies and you quit and they don't, some may feel threatened and won't like it that you aren't joining in. Those are the guys you can do without, at least in the beginning.
Being a non-drinker is far more common than you realize. I quit drinking a long time ago, and I'm in a profession where there's lots of celebrating going on -- champagne toasts, etc. I'm rarely the only one who doesn't partake. A few times I've had a glass put in my hand, and sometimes I'll raise the glass for the toast, then set the glass down. I've never had anyone notice that at all.
Eventually, being a non-drinker becomes a part of who you are and you won't even think about it. You can't expect that to happen instantly, but it can and will happen if you make the decision to remove alcohol from your life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi Kinzoku 
None of us would still be sober if we thought we lost on on the deal.
My social life and my realtionships changes dramatically once I got sober...but then so did I.
part of my drinking was to fit into a party scene I never felt confortable in but was terrified to miss.
my life, and the things I do, are authentically me now.
I love my life. I could never say that as a drinker.
D
None of us would still be sober if we thought we lost on on the deal.
My social life and my realtionships changes dramatically once I got sober...but then so did I.
part of my drinking was to fit into a party scene I never felt confortable in but was terrified to miss.
my life, and the things I do, are authentically me now.
I love my life. I could never say that as a drinker.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 39
Booze was social for me in college, and promptly became very anti-social after I graduated. Took me 3 years to admit it, and 2 more to start doing something about it. Fix the problem before the bottle makes your social life outside work zilch and you become a recluse most weekends.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
kinzoku, i dont know your situation (college,working), but i do know that its a challenge at your age.
knowing that you have an issue with drinking is huge. i was busy trying to be proud of my constitution as a party guy. i had a inkling, but wasnt going to cave in. fast forward twenty years and NOW im having to deal with it- as a spouse, father, and earner (yeah... that is on hold for me to get my sh** together).
looking back at the party days, it was all a little repetitive. memories are haphazard. i actually could have experienced alot more with some moderation (crap. hangover days alone cost me vast amounts of time)
as for being the sober guy, and perceived by others to not be as much fun-i remember sober friends of mine hanging out at some pretty heavy scenes with the rest of us. due to the way my gang used and drank, there was always someone going to meetings or whatever. anyway, the only times it was remotely remarkable was when a sober friend would think it wise to preach. otherwise, it was like "so. youre really not drinking? well, o.k." and that was about it.
i have one friend that used to be very humorous about it even, he would accurately predict that if he stayed long enough, he'd end up driving a car full of drunks somewhere. if he did get any guff, he would wake your ass up early next morning, all smiley and full of coffee, sayin "i thought i was the wimp! -want some eggs?-you need a bag to puke in?" im cracking up just thinking about it.
also, i know this FOR A FACT: i never woke up the day after, thinking about what the sober guy did or didnt do. i had problems of my own.
knowing that you have an issue with drinking is huge. i was busy trying to be proud of my constitution as a party guy. i had a inkling, but wasnt going to cave in. fast forward twenty years and NOW im having to deal with it- as a spouse, father, and earner (yeah... that is on hold for me to get my sh** together).
looking back at the party days, it was all a little repetitive. memories are haphazard. i actually could have experienced alot more with some moderation (crap. hangover days alone cost me vast amounts of time)
as for being the sober guy, and perceived by others to not be as much fun-i remember sober friends of mine hanging out at some pretty heavy scenes with the rest of us. due to the way my gang used and drank, there was always someone going to meetings or whatever. anyway, the only times it was remotely remarkable was when a sober friend would think it wise to preach. otherwise, it was like "so. youre really not drinking? well, o.k." and that was about it.
i have one friend that used to be very humorous about it even, he would accurately predict that if he stayed long enough, he'd end up driving a car full of drunks somewhere. if he did get any guff, he would wake your ass up early next morning, all smiley and full of coffee, sayin "i thought i was the wimp! -want some eggs?-you need a bag to puke in?" im cracking up just thinking about it.
also, i know this FOR A FACT: i never woke up the day after, thinking about what the sober guy did or didnt do. i had problems of my own.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 62
Thank you for posting this! I have felt this way for going on FOUR YEARS. My social aversions and tendencies towards wanting to be alone always made me reach for alcohol as a social lubricant. It helped me make friends tremendously... but ask me how much I see those "friends" now that I quit drinking or how much we really have in common? Little. Focus on your passions and what makes you feel alive inside and I PROMISE you will find people that you will have no issues having a great time with sober.
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