lovesymphony

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just cant stop crying and regretting all the drinking I did in my last relationship. It ended about seven months ago but this is the first time I have felt just indescribable remorse and pain over what I possibly put him through. He insists he dumped me because he wanted kids and I don't..but I always wonder if he was just letting me down easy. At any rate it can't be easy dating someone who's addicted to alcohol and ambien like I was.
I dont like being up on a "soapbox" so I hardly ever start threads and don't respond after a few times because I dont want my posts bumped up a lot. I just dont know how to cope. Why is it hitting me so hard now? I thought I had accepted that I can't change the past with him. I know I'm at least talking to people who can relate. Feel free to PM me, anyone who is going through the same thing or has been. I'm in so much agony right now. It could be making things harder that we still keep in touch sometimes and my feelings for him haven't completely vanished.

ScottFromWI

Relationships are tough to deal with, especially when we are drinking. Perhaps cutting things off for good would be best, it would give you some closure. Remember too of course that the past is done, you can it change it. Work on things you can control..like not drinking today!

biminiblue

You didn't mention if you had stopped drinking and if so how recent was your drinking?

My emotions were super magnified for a while after I stopped drinking. You've heard that alcohol numbs you? Well, when the numbing wears off...

And, yeah I agree with Scott. No contact makes the end of a relationship much easier to heal. It takes me a good year before I'm ready to have contact with an ex.

Sudz No More

What's done is done, if he made a decision to end the relationship the chance of ever starting with him again is slim to none. In light of that, worrying about it now does no one any good. Dwelling on the past is not healthy so don't.

Focus on your sobriety and move forward, find a new man and be happy with your current life in whatever form it currently is.

Life is short as breathing, forget yesterday, focus on today to enjoy tomorrow.

The purpose of life is to live it, not destroy it.

Gottalife

I couldn't change the past but I also found it impossible to live with. It was one of the key factors that kept me drunk. I didn't have a answer.

Then I found one through AA. I took the steps and one of the results of that was a new relationship with the past. What had been a huge liability was turned into a great asset. "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will see how our experience can help others". Beats the hell out of living the rest of my life full of shame and remorse.

freshstart57

Acceptance of the past will free you so that you may change. I could only accept my drinking past by making that change first. They were in a bit of a tangle for me, but I made it through by taking care of the change for ever. This made my past easier to accept, because it will never happen again. It was time for a fresh start.

Wastinglife

My drinking ruined my last relationship too. I still feel bad about what I put her through but I did get a chance to make amends after I sobered up. She had no idea how bad my drinking was until we moved in together since before we could go days without seeing each other. However, she now realizes that I was sick and needed professional help.

She called my my father and explained that I was an alcoholic (missing work, hiding bottles, taking money from her purse). I went to rehab and we decided it's best for both of us to move on. I hope you have addressed your addictions. Sometimes you need to let go of people for yourself to heal.

Aiko

Does not matter the past you.
Matters what you do today!

It is normal you are depressed as you have been drinking for a long time and has consequences.
The longer you are clean the clearer you will see and solve situations.
So do it!

What is done is done!
Learn from it for your next relationship!

I think keeping in touch with him is Wrong!
As is going to drag the situation hurting you longer and is going to make you wonder more and more... and you are getting nowhere but driving yourself mad!

You need to get well and be clean
concentrate on that first!
When you make yourself happy it will attract the right one!
But if you are sick you are not going to find someone sober!

You can choose from today... Change!

Big Hug and hope you feel better soon

lovesymphony

Thankyou all so much. I'm not in agony anymore. It really helped to write it all out and get feedback. I just realized I haven't taken my over-the-counter anti-depressant SAMe for about a month. That usually gets me more teary-eyed.
I've come a long way since I joined this board about 7 months ago...right after I dumped him while I was drunk, apologized and made up then he dumped me two days later. I gave up ambien completely three months ago and backed way off the alcohol but still have the occasional slip. So I'm going to start coming here every day again and give it my best shot, without slacking... I've got to stop thinking the alcohol problem is over just because I don't get the frequent cravings I used to...Thankyou again for the input

dSober

I LOVE your tag line Aiko! I think I may post it on my "Wall of Proclaim".