killerinstinct

what should one do when they're lied to time and time again and have had enough of giving that person the benefit of the doubt, tired of forgiving, tired of seeing the best in them??? Cut contact, ignore them for a month... tell
them to get F@&!$D ..... what if your so sick and tired of them contaminating your world with their bull/s??

pdoc

Go live your own life not theirs

PurpleKnight

I guess it depends on who the person is, a close family member, husband, son, daughter, then it can be a tougher call than say a friend or someone else you know.

An addict can only make the decision themselves to seek help and change their life, and therefore it's important for those watching to seek support for themselves, for example with an alcoholic there is Al-anon.

But for those looking in on a family member, when maybe there are kids involved, things get a lot more complex, I know for me comments on my drinking from close family members maybe didn't do much in the short term, but who's to say that subtly it didn't have an impact on me making my own decision to change, down the road.

Though your priority should be you and your life, addiction can be a very selfish thing with no regard for anyone else other than fuelling the addiction.

jutam

Im that person who has contaminated peoples worlds with lying and bull through addiction. ..... sometimes when people have said no more and put their foot down its really made me reflect on my behaviour, other times its made me worse. Set a boundary its called respecting yourself:-)

FeelingGreat

Hi killer, cursing them out doesn't do anything. It's easy to talk, but actions are louder than words.

Hawkeye13

Best thing is go No Contact and mean it.

Block them on on your phone, Facebook, change the locks and don't look back.

They will usually try to draw you back in, but if you stick to it you get your life moving forward away from their chaos and addiction

They may or may not examine their actions but that isn't your problem anymore.

ScottFromWI

Only the addict can make the decision to quit themselves...no amount of shame, help or anything else you can do will "force" them to stop. Cutting them loose might be the best route here, shaming or condemning definitely wont' help. If you feel affected by their use you may want to seek some help for yourself via Narc-Anon as well.

Pia

The emotional abuse you are dealing with. . will only stop when you make it stop for you.

You can't love an addict straight.. You can only focus on you.

grubby

Personally i don't believe in that religion stuff, "forgiving people", or "being nice" ....... it just doesn't work guys, some people like the one the OP describes just never change. And if you let your guard down, these same characters will just lie lie lie and or take advantage of u........... scum, every single one of them. I really don't have much faith in humanity, so as soon as i identify one of these liars, cheats, and con-artist types i IMMEDIATELY cut them off and put them on a mental black-list.

Bad people have NO place in my life, p-e-r-i-o-d. End of story. I do my best to *only* associate with good/high-IQ people. I have zero tolerance for bad and or stupid people.

My mom is the exact opposite of me, she has such a high tolerance for other people's BS that it amazes me.......... seems she has no limit to what she will put up with. Unsurprisingly........... she is hyper-religious. It absolutely DISGUSTS me that other people take advantage of her big heart, but what can you do? We can only affect change in our own lives............ "feeling sorry for people" and "trying to help him/her change", it just doesn't work guys: this is the 21rst century and most people are immoral and un-trustworthy nowadays, this ain't a small town where everybody knows and trusts one another.

EDIT: as someone above me said, it's best to adopt the "it's not my problem" mindset, enabling is bad for addicts................ just makes their problem(s) worse once all is said and done. Unless you have kids, you are responsible ONLY for yourself........ never forget that.

christinastar10

It took me 7 months to finally let things go with my ex a fiancé. It wasnt easy for me at first but i finally accept him as an addict. Ex A fiancé just got out of an in-patient program and was at a bar 5 days after he were released. Not a good sign for him. But I did not let it bother me since I no longer let it affect me.

Killerinstict, in time, you will also find peace with what u are going through. Remember we are all here for you!

bookmaven

I agree with those who suggested setting boundaries. Tough love is hard. Only you can determine how much you put up with. Setting boundaries can be as extreme as cutting off all contact or simple things like refusing to give any more money or allowing them to come around only when sober. It depends on the nature of the relationship and doing what is best for you.

gaffo

I've had to go no contact with one old friend. It was awful but for the best in the end. I had to look out for myself. I hate to say this but after three years it has been an ongoing battle. Every time I think he's going to settle down and just drink himself to death quietly he rears his ugly head. He is currently accusing me of stealing $10k from him (absolutely ludicrous/unfounded) on Facebook when he is drunk then taking it down when he sobers up. It's all I can do to not respond with my fist in person (I've never been a Facebook person) but that would just feed to drama. I'm just glad to be sober and detached from the BS.

lovesymphony

I wouldn't expect anyone to put up with my addiction, especially if they felt I was really bringing them down. I'm not sure what your circumstances are but sounds like you've put up with more than your share already.

MesaMan

The term 'lying Addict' is a redundant phrase.

Che

Lucky people are people who get into good situations fast and get out of bad situations faster.

It's easiest if you can get out of this kind of thing as soon as it starts happening. It gets worse and worse the longer you tolerate it. For both you and the other person, because the other person has an easier time seeing it as a reaction to their behaviour, and you don't have to deal with being indecisive.

Lucky people are strong... So be strong. Forgiving someone when they've recovered and repented is one thing, but forgiving someone just because they asked you to is foolish. I'm sure you know the difference.