pixy

I asked a lady to sponsor me just before Christmas, and she kindly said yes and that we would meet up in the New Year. My father then died, and we swapped a couple of texts and met up twice.

A month went past and I did not contact her. I then sent her a text asking to meet and could we start to think about doing the steps, to which there was no response that day, then the following day I was rear shunted by a car on my way to work, and I sent her another text saying I was upset. 6 hours later she texted me to say she was going on holiday and perhaps we could meet up on her return. Nothing else. I wished her a good holiday and asked her to text me when she got back with a date she was free. That was a month ago.

Today I texted her and asked if we could meet up, but nothing yet.

I know I should be brave and call her, but feel that if she is reluctant then is there any point. Feeling a bit pathetic to be honest.

FeenixxRising

Personally, I would look for another sponsor; it doesn't sound like the two of you are on the same page. There's no harm in starting with someone else; although, out of politeness I would probably tell her thanks for her previous help, but that you don't' see the relationship working out.

Carlotta

Find another sponsor, it looks like she is really not available and she sounds a little bit impersonal to me.

Try18

I was in a similar situation a couple years ago, turned out the woman had a lot of difficulties going on in her own life, so I didn't take it personally and found another sponsor.

Gottalife

Sounds like it started ok, then you went a month without contacting her. She could be forgiven for thinking you were in no hurry to recover.

Then, after a month of not contacting her, you send a text and are annoyed you didn't get an instant response. The next day you have a crash and get upset and think that because you are upset, she should come running. You think your situation is serious enough to warrant her dropping everything.

Yet, through your actions you have shown you are not that bothered about the life threatening illness you have and, although she offered to help, you have not bothered to call her for a month. Perhaps your sponsor is basing her responses on your attitude.

I will do anything to help someone who is willing to make the effort, but if they appear not to be, I will find someone else to work with.

You have to let her know, through your actions, that you are willing to go to any lengths to recover.

pixy

Now I feel like complete ****. I texted her again, and still nothing. I feel worse than having no sponsor. I have read Mike's post and he is right, but I feel rejected, I have been trying to get together since the end of April. Punish me if you must, give me a warning, but a wall of silence I find hard. I sent her another text, the nicest one I could write thanking her for the time spent together and how much I appreciated it, but felt I needed a sponsor who could offer me more time. I then said I hoped to see her in a meeting soon. I then came on here and saw the above post, and thought I have blown it again, but I don't know. If a friend in AA calls me, and I miss their call or text I always contact them back as soon as possible. I am just coming up a year sober now and feel as wobbly as hell. Feel like AA will never work for me, maybe I just can't work at it - either way, I hate feeling like this.

Carlotta

Well it has worked so far so why give up a whole program over one individual who is not calling you back?
For all you know this has absolutely nothing to do with you. She could be sick, or have family problems or even relapsed. I am glad you said you are coming up on a year, it means you know some women in the program. Just ask one of them to sponsor you and get working on those steps

Gottalife

I was tough on you in my post, but you showed a great deal of honesty and humility in your response. Well done. That tells me there is hope for you yet, and that you are willing to take some knocks to get there.

Maybe it is time to find another sponsor. You need to get on with the work, and there is no time like the present. Action is the magic word. You can do it Pixy.

I always try to be considerate in my posts as well as honest. Sometimes I step on toes, but I would rather step on your toes than stand on your grave.

pixy

To be honest, if I had have had booze in the house last night, I may I have drank, that is how low I was. Today, however, is a fresh day. I made it through. Still no word from my sponsor discharging her from having me as a sponsee. I am at a crossroads again, I either throw myself at AA or walk away for good.

Thank you for your post Mike - seeing it this morning has helped to lift my spirits a little. Your also from NZ and I love that place!

KarenSW

Piixy, I feel like maybe this person didn't have the time to sponsor you but maybe thought she could, but couldn't. Please go to another meeting and find another sponsor. Be upfront and let that person know of your previous experience. I have a dear friend that this happened to and she went back out and never came back to aa. Realize we are a sensitive lot, but sometimes it takes a bit to find the right person! I know you will find a great sponsor!

ScottFromWI

As others have mentioned you seem to be wrapping the entire AA program and your sobriety around the actions of a single person. There are many other options - go to a different meeting, ask someone else at your home meeting, etc.

Boleo

I know a lot of sponsors who would interpret a month of near silence as a "Deal Breaker".

Gottalife

Hi Pixy,
Glad to hear you are feeling a little more optimistic.

I was once at those crossroads. AA was my last resort, having tried everything else I had no other option than AA or walk away. We call it the jumping off place. In reality my choice was to carry on as I was, blotting out the intolerable nature of my existence as best I could, until the end, which wasn't that far away, or throw my self into AA.

It's obvious what my choice was, but there were times when it was difficult. The actions of one or two people in AA gave me problems at times. Early on I realised that to let these things get between me and AA was a death sentence for me. I found my recovery had to come before anything else. I had to be willing to go to any lengths to get this, and that sometimes involved dealing with people I didn't like, and making sure I kept my side of the street clean.

Prayer was a huge help. It gave me the courage to face things and take the right actions. I remember my sponsor telling me a couple of things early on, which have always stood me in good stead.

Firstly, AA is not a mutual admiration society. We are going to meet people we don't like, and we don't have to like them.

Secondly, people, including sponsors, have feet of clay. That's why the program is about developing our own relationship with a Higher Power.