Had a chance to see my 11 month old son today.
 

I emailed his mother this morning asking if I could have him some today. I'm clean and trying to stay that way. Supposed to go to an aa meeting tonight and plan on working on the steps with my sponsor starting this week. I didn't check my email this morning until lunch time. Left my phone in my office and worked in the yard. She called from several different numbers and then left a voice mailmail from a random nnumber. She let me know in email that I could have him this afternoon and keep him for a while as she is moving in her new home. I was excited about it until I heard her annoying voice on my voice mail. Every other word was "um". Every sentence she made sounded completely dumb. I decided I was better off not dealing with her today. Not fair to my son but I'm having a hard time dealing with the harm my drinking has caused her. She is not herself and knowing I've caused it is just a trigger for me. Got a six in the fridge. Doing the best I can not to drink it. Am I doing the right thing? My drinking made me selfish and now it seems my sobriety will be doing the same. He is to young to know what's going on right now. Unlike my older 2.

Glad you're posting.

Dump the six pack.

Don't set yourself up for a fail. Dump the beer. Then figure out a way to deal with the mother of your children.

sounds to me like you are looking for an excuse..why even HAVE a 6 pack in the fridge if you were planning to see your child...what is more important?

As a dad with a 3 year old.. I can tell you that they are building connections in their minds as we speak.. You want to be around as much as you can.

Thanks all. I ended up going for the six pack. Finished it off and found my other stash. 3 hours later I found myself feeling good but feeling like crap. I dumped the rest fired up a pot of coffee and called to get a ride to a meeting. Feeling better after the meeting. I need to remember there are alot of people out there just like me. Tomorrow is a new day and I don't have to drink.

You might want to consider getting rid of all your "stashes" tomorrow too, and not keeping a six pack right I the fridge.

You should have put your feelings for the "annoying" mother aside and tried to see your son. He is old enough to make connections and know if you are or are not around.

Why did you have a six pack in the fridge in the first place? Especially when potentially seeing your son? You said you felt better, which was probably alcohol induced...then went to an AA meeting.

Do you think perhaps the "ums" were because she was uncomfortable and edgy? Perhaps she didnt know if she would be leaving her son with someone under the influence?

I say this from personal experience. You are literally wasting your life away, and now...not only does it affect you, it affects your child. Spending time with your son and being a good father is much more important than getting blitzed by yourself. Don't allow ANY temptation in the house. It is clearly setting you up or failure by having alcohol in the fridge. What if you had brought him over? What if you had gotten drunk and been the only caregiver present?

YOU can get sober. Do it for you...do it for your son. This road of drinking will lead to nowhere except pain, depression, and lost oppurtunities. Empower yourself. Make the change. I PROMISE you it is well worth it. It seems hopeless in the beginning, but most life altering challenges do. This life altering challenge is all positive. Embrace life dude!

What tools other than AA do you plan on using?

Be well

You say you're clean, yet you keep a 6er in the fridge, and other drinks stashed around the house? May i ask why? In my experience, anyone "trying to stay that way' wouldnt surround themselves with such temptation. This makes me sad as it reminds me of my ex who says he would never choose alcohol over our daughter, yet the proof is in the pudding.

I hope that you are now clean again and truely intend to stay that way. Your son deserves the whole you.

Best wishes.

Hi bob,

I'm glad that you posted.

I don't know if you can see it but all of this:

is caused by this:

You found what you needed to walk away from the chance to see your son and to get at that six pack.

Weaver's post is spot on

You can do this bob but it has to be unconditional.

the drink is only going to strip away what seems to be coming back. you may wish to make a firm decision otherwise kiss all good things away