Weed, booze, relationship ****

Old 05-26-2014, 12:19 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Weed, booze, relationship ****

I'm sorry to post a few questions in a row, but its two subjects that I am thinking about right now.. and I have had no one to talk to about either...
My boyfriend VERY RARELY drinks... as in only a beer here and there and on special occasions maybe 3 beers. He has seen the WORST of me. I could get into what the "worst" is... but I wont.
He likes to smoke weed.... I knew this when we first met.. 7 years ago.... and then he used to smoke almost every day.
I was only drinking "socially" then... I put that in quotations because I still got way too drunk.. but it never occurred during the week and it never interfered with any other aspect of my life. So in this time, he was smoking too often and he was aware I was upset by it.. main reason being that when he is high, I literally cannot have a conversation with him... he is so baked that he gets confused if I want to talk about, ,science, life etc.
this pisses me off to no end.
The past couple years.... the more I drink.. obviously the less I care about what we converse about... and whenever I have my bouts of sobriety, it scares the **** out of me to realize that he is a daily weed smoker who cannot offer me the intellectual engagement that I NEED.
I know I am intelligent and I know he isn't as nearly engaged as I am with... lets just call it knowledge. (The need to talk about us, the world around us, etc)

He is content with repeat. and I feel I sort of do the same as in... drink, talk, pass out/black out, wake up hungover, recovery, repeat.
But when I am sober... I need so much more from him than I care to admit.
I need intellectual stimulation.. and right now, I get it from people at work, so I feel ok but I do wish I could get that at home. Even a 1/10 degree.

This post is so jumbled. So is my last but I need some.. thoughts...advice....
I'm not sure what I need. Maybe I expect too much from my SO... because in EVERY regard... he is great... EXCEPT our communication...which to me is the most important part but... again... a tangent.

Thanks guys.

Last edited by Dee74; 05-26-2014 at 12:44 AM.
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Old 05-26-2014, 12:43 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 212,778
Hi Tiel

I think whenever we get sober our perception changes...the trouble is you'll find it keeps changing for a while.

I usually recommend waiting a little while until you're sure who sober you is before you make any life changing decisions.

If it's stimulating intellectual conversation you want I'm sure there's some around SR..usually

You never know, BF may just follow your lead and stop the weed, and become a little bit more interesting himself?

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Old 05-26-2014, 08:08 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
This is difficult, because weed is so much less harmful than alcohol, that some people slide into viewing it as harmless. Used apropriately, it can actually offer insight. Used daily, it becomes a method for numbing out. -a crutch that makes folks less present, like booze.

I want to ask? Does he know your feelings? Maybe you could invite him to join you in "cleansing"' or clearing of your minds.

Alcohol was my drug of choice. It absolutely HAD to go. I dropped the pot, just because i wanted to eliminate everything in the way of me functioning at 100%. At three months, i feel great. Curiously i dont want to fire one up. Ive been gone too long. LOL!
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Old 05-26-2014, 08:27 AM
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You may want to focus on your own recovery first.
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